FreeOwl

Woke up having been sort of half-dreaming / half-remembering events of my past. Things I've done - or maybe done but don't really remember through the haze - that were not the True Me but that my drunken self did.

More stuff floating to the surface for my stepwork..... four, five, nine....

Even well down the track of recovery, new things can emerge.

I think it's important to write them down, stepwork them, acknowledge them and work on letting go and forgiving ourselves.

Those were deeds done by us, true enough. But that particular US is no longer who we are. We need not continue to carry that burden, for it is the burden of a person we've left behind.

Just thought I'd share this morning, as I head off to the hospital as a volunteer meeting speaker on the detox ward..... because Life is Really Good in recovery - but there are also continually things emerging that need to be addressed.

Recovery... life.... is a rolling sea of highs and lows, glory and challenge... freedom and hard work.

Today I won't carry the weight of the burdens I woke reflecting on. I will acknowledge them, I will add them to the work of letting go and moving on.

I wish you all a beautiful, SOBER day!!

AddictGuy

Yeah, the letting it go thing. Remembering and yet not being re-immersed. That was there and then. This is here and now. That was the then me, this is the now me. Nice.

We must be careful. Our pasts will pull us back down and steal our peace and joy if we let them. There and then, here and now, there and then, here and now. Rinse, repeat.

Soberwolf

Exellent post FO great of you doing service on the wards

Have a great day

nymets86

Thanks for this post FreeOwl. I'm so disappointed with so many of the things I did while drunk. More than anything else, I feel I let myself down. If only I'd recognized my alcoholism when I should have (probably at age 18 or 19), I could probably be sober now and fully moved on. Instead, it took until age 27 for me to tell a therapist and then age 28 to open up to this board. I'm now 29 and determined as heck to stop before I hit 30.

I cannot undo the past, but I can influence the future and I know that's a better future if no alcohol is involved.

I enjoy being sober. Sure, I get bored and some social settings are stressful and awkward as hell. But I don't enjoy being buzzed (drinking in moderation). My AV tries to tell me that moderate drinking is great, but once I start that 2nd or 3rd drink, my AV changes course and goes into overdrive, stopping at nothing until complete intoxication is achieved. I certainly don't enjoy being so drunk that memories are fuzzy and I hate nothing more in the world than the shame/guilt/embarrassment of a blackout.

So while sobriety might not always be awesome, it beats the heck out of the misery of a blackout. During those blackouts, it's me doing all those things and saying all that stuff, but it's a me I don't like. Now it's on me to make sure that I never have to deal with making excuses, paying hospital bills, or nursing crippling hangover from drunk me ever again

PurpleKnight

Yeap, onwards and upwards is the only way!!

Cowgirlie

So inspirational, freeowl.
Thank you for this x