Thatdeliveryguy

Oh so many responses and people that actually cared about this drunk Nevadian, yes I am sober but its a daily battle.

From the greatest quote on SR ever, you beat the odds by even living how many sperm did you beat out. A paraphrase, but still awesome.

To someone that told me about their mother, and her dying of this habit. I have no words this extraordinary women.I have no words other then to say, its no in vain, we live her memory many here can relate and our sorry for your loss.

The AA people, I called them a cult and they defended themselves. I actually use their program, despite my hesitation, a member reached out and talked to me so much love.

To the detractors, i am glad people have a voice and can say what they like. In early recovery, I want to ring the neck of many people scream at the top of my lungs and tell them they are wrong. Who doesn't, I love the detractors.

Finally, I've been accused of being a distraction from SR. I acknowledge my faults. I've told the admin I am ready to leave, I don't want to distract from anything or anyone's recovery.

I am not perfect, no I am far from perfect. I am a very flawed person with many an addiction, how did I get here I wonder? Who or whom does this to themselves, I guess thats me.

Just a fourum, just a post, just a man, just an addict, I am only addressing these things because so much has been said to me. I am only addressing what was written nothing more. I would much rather the discussion be on recovery.

least

Ok. What are you doing for your recovery today?

Thatdeliveryguy

I am going to two AA meetings tonight. I am still antagonizing and beating on the door of the one facility for rehab I was refereed to I am posting here and reading post.

tomsteve

If you want the discussion to be on recovery then stop talking about all the dam problems all the friggin time. Start talking about YOUR solutions YOU are DOING.

ScottFromWI

Did you try googling and calling some of the other rehab centers in Reno like I suggested yesterday? There are a lot of them. I would be willing to be that if you called social services or asked at one of your AA meetings today that the people there would be very willing and able to give you some numbers to call. Simply tell them - "I need rehab, who should I call? "

In the past ( and even a few days ago) you were 100% certain that inpatient rehab was your only option and you were going to do everything that you could to get in. Waiting for one place to call you back is far from doing everything that you can.

Aellyce

Hi Jeremy.

I apologize for the tone of my post on the other thread this morning. It was just coming from sadness and frustration about seeing you suffering for so long. It's absolutely not that you should leave or not post, it's just hard to see that you keep running in circles even though I know well that that's how addiction is. I guess your story is no different from the many who come here attempting to get sober, and when it's not successful, disappear... at least you don't run away. All I'm (and many of us are) trying to say is that you have this very clear pattern of distracting yourself from what should be in the center of your universe (getting and staying sober, and taking care of yourself). And the way it may interfere with other people's mindset, especially newcomers, is that they see all this going on and on as if it was the way to approach recovery. No one expects perfection from you, what would be nice to see is real effort that lasts. You tend to start many things so clearly have intention, but they just don't stick. And then you get into distractions, like talking about many things that are irrelevant to your goals, as if these distractions could or would save you. Unfortunately they won't, there are really no shortcuts we can take to make our addiction go away. It's just hard to see you suffer like this, Jeremy.

Thatdeliveryguy

Ok, I am not mad but I am going to point out some facts right now, you TomSteve are unconscionable daft and cruel, go some place else and post. What damn problems do you speak of? I am sorry if you want to have discussion with me I am open, but you can't be so vague. Tell me about the " problems"?

Talking about my drinking problem done that a ton, admitted my faults and where I stand done that. Admitting my faults and telling how I am exploring recovery and what I am doing done that too. Telling the world my troubles and why I do what I do, done that too. I know you've never done that you would be afraid of the criticism wouldn't you. I am not afraid, I am just here posting.

Explaining why I am exploring certain recovery methods done that too. What does Tomsteve want? You've never been this open with your life, or as honest. Have you? Ever, haha its like picking a pulling what you can from a situation and then attacking the poster. LOL. This well be deleted Tomsteve, I hope you read it before it is, but before you post " click" as Dee puts it look at yourself and ask you what you've done, who you've hurt, what about your addiction, I respect your opinion but absolutely don't agree. Buy a book and then come back friend, otherwise good day.

But now I am going to call people out for their reckless regard and nasty remarks, I have a right, I've been very open, read my post from beginning to end, know that I have never been nasty to or held ill regard for anyone ever. EVEN YOU TOMSTEVE! This is the nasty post I think I've gotten other then the person that said, " I glad you don't have your daughter". You think I am sad, you're just as sad as mean with those comments. Difference between you and I, I made right was ready for the onslaught and have been weathering the storm since with grace.

Yes I am a bit perturbed, and I am sorry Tomsteve, I suppose its a fault, but really a recovery forum and you post that dribble because you have an antithesis against the poster or don't like their methods or, or or. really point and click elsewhere.

BTW I am doing lots of things, and am very active in a SOLUTION as you put it!

Dee74

Again I'd like to remind people - lets keep it constructive.


that would be a bad move Jeremy.

It would be diverting your threads from where you, and the discussion, needs to be - 110% focused on your recovery.

I don't care for how it was phrased, but that's exactly the point TS raised, man.
You're focusing on the wrong things - what mean things people said to you, and your right to reply is not the primary issue here

I understand that talking about that stuff is easier than talking about recovery. Been there done that. I was very very good at conversational sleight of hand.

It's a defence mechanism to avoid something really scary - I get that too.

But it's not going to get you to where I know in your heart of hearts you want to be.

Report any posts you think break the rules, and I or Anna will look at it.

Dee
Moderator
SR

jryan19982

Ok I am not going to defend anyone here to try not to put too much bias on one person.

But I feel that a lot of people might be hurt from the deceiving and non truths that have filled threads like this before. There have been a lot of people who have invested a lot of time and consideration into helping you and trying to come up with solutions to problems that may or may not be real. I am sure it hurt some people to a certain extent. And maybe those people shouldnt post on your threads anymore.

If people are going to be upset and hurt by previous actions, then I dont believe they should post on your threads. But there is a hole that was dug in which dirt just cant be thrown back in and the hole is filled, and look like the dirt has never been disturbed. For a while, there will still be a vision of that hole, dirt not even, no grass growing on the dirt etc...

That being said I am happy you are giving it another stab, and I sure hope for you, your family, your friends and especially your daughter it sticks and sticks for good.

Best of luck to you and your journey.

Thatdeliveryguy

Jryan, I understand the hurt, I understand the anger, I understand it all. I can't say I am any better or worse, I've apologized and been kind to most, but now its gotten to the point where people think they can be mean.

You know, i lied, I deceived, I manipulated on some levels, but I also apologized was sincere and have been honest with my life since. Its all I can do, but at some time I have to say ok, and draw a line.

I am not a bad guy, I am an addict, I do do wrong, I admit that all day everyday.

mns1

Glad you are taking action deliveryguy!

Don't settle until you find what works.

Best of luck!

waywardson8260

Hi deliveryguy, what is important is your recovery-not what someone else says. We're all in the same boat here and for me getting and staying sober is the focus.

jryan19982

I understand that you apologized. Thats awesome and a lot of people probably appreciated that. But my mom use to say, it takes more than one truth to redeem yourself from one lie. All I can say is keep trucking and keep showing by your actions what you want to portray. Yes it can get frustrating at times because you know you are telling the truth and mean no harm, but other people might need to see more.

Again just keep up the good work and keeping racking up the sober days. Just keep moving forward with your life and eventually everyone will catch up.

Thepatman

My only concern right now is the real Newcomers.

If only a single person in need of help turns away thinking this is a Royal Rumble support site then we all have failed miserably.

This section is for newcomers, a welcoming place. Move on people.

Anna

Thanks for the reminder, Pat.

I think all of us would do well to move on.

MemphisBlues

TDG, I see so much of you in your posts, especially in trying recovery and relapsing, and voicing questions and criticisms of recovery programs.

I just hope you don't reach the bottom I did five years ago. Prior to finally getting sober in October, 2010, I dabbled in two rehabs, tried AA and saw only its faults and nary a benefit.

I reached a point in addictive addiction where I lost the will power and ego to criticize any recovery method. I failed repeatedly at recovery, knowing that AA was a cult or too steeped in a Judeo-Christian ethos, ad nauseum, to do me any good.

Besides, if someone had the what I had, lost what I had lost, dealt with the mental anguish I lived on a daily basis, they would understand why I had to gobble benzos and drink tons of beer just to survive.

But I reached a point of total despair, a point of surrender: I had given up any right to question recovery methods, or lash out at the rehabs that failed me, the loved ones who just didn't understand me.

I reached a point of total ego deflation, realizing that not only had I lost the ability to have any answers, but I also no longer had the right to question anything or anyone. I realized that the chance of me being wrong with what answers I had was high and that the questions I raised were meaningless. I no longer could trust any opinions I had, and there was a better-than-average chance that whatever opinions still lingered were those of beaten, broken, mistaken man, and I no longer trusted myself.

I think that was when I truly entered recovery.

In recovery parlance, I guess that was reaching my bottom. I actually hate that term and the philosophy that no one can't get sober until they reach a bottom is a dangerous one. For many, bottom is death.

So I just surrendered and crawled into an AA meeting.

There is a lot I don't like about AA, but when the old skeptical me emerges and begins to criticize AA it I just reflect back to that broken individual who first entered the rooms and I let the bad things slide off my back.

Heck, i haven't been to an AA meeting in a year, focusing now on therapy, therapy that I think after 4 1/2 years of sobriety finally, perhaps, might do some good. I'm blessed with the triple diagnosis of addiction, major depression, and panic disorder. Even after all this sober time, I'm a hot mess.

But in early recovery, I went to two meetings a day for two years. I left all those questions and criticisms slide, used what little judgment I had left to cling to those who seemed sober and, more importantly, happy. I went on 12th step calls in dilapidated parts of the Third World country I accidentally woke up sober in, I made coffee and swept floors, I was finally, after hitting a humiliating bottom, able to have some humility.

And I'll tell you something else: I'm still a hapless sot stumbling around in a confusing world sober from pot and alcohol and elephantine doses of benzos and I have few answers and still can't remember the question.

Surrender, dude. Just give up. It's then that you can understand powerlessness and begin crawling up.

Thatdeliveryguy

Thepatman is right! No debate here at all.

Thatdeliveryguy

I am sorry, I just post and respond to what I get, nothing more or less.

chickippo

maybe stop spending all your time on the internet, tilting at windmills, and actively seek help with your recovery.

i've posted before about our similarities. i have mental health issues that mean i won't be working for the long-term foreseeable future. my daughter wasn't removed - she chose to go and live with her dad - but i have no doubt it would have happened.

i am on a very low income. budgeting is hard for me. getting myself organised enough to face a new day is often completely overwhelming.

despite all of this, i am 10 months sober. and i was near death when i finally saw the light.

you are no different to me, or to any other alcoholic who has managed to get sober. you can do this.

i'll repeat : YOU CAN DO THIS. i just don't think you want it yet. i hope you change your perspective and find some peace from the noise in your head, that i bet troubles you as much as the noise in mine does me.

Thatdeliveryguy

chickippo thank you so much so inspiring and uplifting, 10 months I can only wish so much. I am just week but fighting my demons and making head way. Thank you, thank you, thank you, this is the type of post that makes me feel good and want to continue.