What I learned from my last thread
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
I read these threads because I want to know how you're doing and am hopeful you'll lose some of your defensiveness and ego (sorry not trying to insult, ive definitely been there too - as have most addicts I believe)
But also because they remind me of what happens when I become too self-consumed and see myself as a victim. I'm reminded how this hurts others even though I was completely oblivious to this at the time. I'm encouraged to keep taking action instead of just talking about it, and to think of others instead of constantly worrying about me me me
I say this because I think there is value in these threads that perhaps is unintended and unexpected, but people expressing their frustration with this behaviour is actually helping me - so I expect it probably helps others?
so I hope we don't get too caught up in 'stop saying this' or 'you can't be upset/frustrated/angry/supportive'. As long as it's kept respectful what's the harm? Even if it's not fun to hear I expect it probably (hopefully) makes you grow TDG, and hopefully pushes you to confront some issues
That said, I'm happy to hear you're currently sober, I hope you get more help.
But also because they remind me of what happens when I become too self-consumed and see myself as a victim. I'm reminded how this hurts others even though I was completely oblivious to this at the time. I'm encouraged to keep taking action instead of just talking about it, and to think of others instead of constantly worrying about me me me
I say this because I think there is value in these threads that perhaps is unintended and unexpected, but people expressing their frustration with this behaviour is actually helping me - so I expect it probably helps others?
so I hope we don't get too caught up in 'stop saying this' or 'you can't be upset/frustrated/angry/supportive'. As long as it's kept respectful what's the harm? Even if it's not fun to hear I expect it probably (hopefully) makes you grow TDG, and hopefully pushes you to confront some issues
That said, I'm happy to hear you're currently sober, I hope you get more help.
Molotov Kitty!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 60
At some point, accepting professional help makes sense TDG... We do not know it all, we have not experienced it all. Several months back it was pointed out that because of your dual diagnoses with other mental health issues that professional help may be best. Perhaps better than just AA.
So please keep trying to get into an program of some sort. Bother them daily! Keep going to AA...
So please keep trying to get into an program of some sort. Bother them daily! Keep going to AA...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
TDG - You are one of the most interesting people I think I've ever come across.
If posting here is helping you remain sober then I think you should keep doing it. The forum is for you just as much as it is for everyone else.
You have to understand, and I believe that you do understand, that sometimes your words can confuse, hurt or alienate people, and it would be good if that stopped.
You seem like an intelligent guy, which is why I think people get the most frustrated. I also understand that you have a mental health diagnosis that I imagine makes things more difficult, or at least presents a different set of challenges that some of us might face.
I do believe, however, that you are making progress.
Congratulations on 8 days. That's a good thing and I hope you are looking forward to stacking up many, many more.
I will leave you with one thing that's helped me in the past when I was struggling to deal with how others perceive me, and my reaction to them;
"People can doubt what you say. Nobody can doubt what you do."
Be well, Jeremy.
If posting here is helping you remain sober then I think you should keep doing it. The forum is for you just as much as it is for everyone else.
You have to understand, and I believe that you do understand, that sometimes your words can confuse, hurt or alienate people, and it would be good if that stopped.
You seem like an intelligent guy, which is why I think people get the most frustrated. I also understand that you have a mental health diagnosis that I imagine makes things more difficult, or at least presents a different set of challenges that some of us might face.
I do believe, however, that you are making progress.
Congratulations on 8 days. That's a good thing and I hope you are looking forward to stacking up many, many more.
I will leave you with one thing that's helped me in the past when I was struggling to deal with how others perceive me, and my reaction to them;
"People can doubt what you say. Nobody can doubt what you do."
Be well, Jeremy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
I am going to two AA meetings tonight. I am still antagonizing and beating on the door of the one facility for rehab I was refereed to I am posting here and reading post.
The number is 775-688-2001
From their Web pages:
Intake Procedure Walk-ins Monday-Friday 8am-3pm
Payment Notes No-one is turned away for the inability to pay.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
Ok, I am not mad but I am going to point out some facts right now, you TomSteve are unconscionable daft and cruel, go some place else and post. What damn problems do you speak of? I am sorry if you want to have discussion with me I am open, but you can't be so vague. Tell me about the " problems"?
Talking about my drinking problem done that a ton, admitted my faults and where I stand done that. Admitting my faults and telling how I am exploring recovery and what I am doing done that too. Telling the world my troubles and why I do what I do, done that too. I know you've never done that you would be afraid of the criticism wouldn't you. I am not afraid, I am just here posting.
Explaining why I am exploring certain recovery methods done that too. What does Tomsteve want? You've never been this open with your life, or as honest. Have you? Ever, haha its like picking a pulling what you can from a situation and then attacking the poster. LOL. This well be deleted Tomsteve, I hope you read it before it is, but before you post " click" as Dee puts it look at yourself and ask you what you've done, who you've hurt, what about your addiction, I respect your opinion but absolutely don't agree. Buy a book and then come back friend, otherwise good day.
But now I am going to call people out for their reckless regard and nasty remarks, I have a right, I've been very open, read my post from beginning to end, know that I have never been nasty to or held ill regard for anyone ever. EVEN YOU TOMSTEVE! This is the nasty post I think I've gotten other then the person that said, " I glad you don't have your daughter". You think I am sad, you're just as sad as mean with those comments. Difference between you and I, I made right was ready for the onslaught and have been weathering the storm since with grace.
Yes I am a bit perturbed, and I am sorry Tomsteve, I suppose its a fault, but really a recovery forum and you post that dribble because you have an antithesis against the poster or don't like their methods or, or or. really point and click elsewhere.
BTW I am doing lots of things, and am very active in a SOLUTION as you put it!
Talking about my drinking problem done that a ton, admitted my faults and where I stand done that. Admitting my faults and telling how I am exploring recovery and what I am doing done that too. Telling the world my troubles and why I do what I do, done that too. I know you've never done that you would be afraid of the criticism wouldn't you. I am not afraid, I am just here posting.
Explaining why I am exploring certain recovery methods done that too. What does Tomsteve want? You've never been this open with your life, or as honest. Have you? Ever, haha its like picking a pulling what you can from a situation and then attacking the poster. LOL. This well be deleted Tomsteve, I hope you read it before it is, but before you post " click" as Dee puts it look at yourself and ask you what you've done, who you've hurt, what about your addiction, I respect your opinion but absolutely don't agree. Buy a book and then come back friend, otherwise good day.
But now I am going to call people out for their reckless regard and nasty remarks, I have a right, I've been very open, read my post from beginning to end, know that I have never been nasty to or held ill regard for anyone ever. EVEN YOU TOMSTEVE! This is the nasty post I think I've gotten other then the person that said, " I glad you don't have your daughter". You think I am sad, you're just as sad as mean with those comments. Difference between you and I, I made right was ready for the onslaught and have been weathering the storm since with grace.
Yes I am a bit perturbed, and I am sorry Tomsteve, I suppose its a fault, but really a recovery forum and you post that dribble because you have an antithesis against the poster or don't like their methods or, or or. really point and click elsewhere.
BTW I am doing lots of things, and am very active in a SOLUTION as you put it!
Ok, let me point something out:
You have that little sign at the bottom of your posts, then go and attack the person, which I'M OK with.It doesn't bother me at all what your opinion of me is.but isn't that something like hypocritical to have that sign and then type what ya did?
But apparently since what I said had ya go on quite an extensive attack maybe something I typed hit home and is truthful- maybe you truly aren't working on solutions as you make it to be on here?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
OK I'm going to have to put my foot down.
If someone has a beef with the OP take it to PM.
The same goes for the OP.
This is the Newcomers forum.
Please show some respect to other newcomers, some of whom are visiting SR for the first time.
Dee
Moderator
SR
If someone has a beef with the OP take it to PM.
The same goes for the OP.
This is the Newcomers forum.
Please show some respect to other newcomers, some of whom are visiting SR for the first time.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 120
Also a newcomer, know 0% of your history but wanted to wish you the best of luck. Congrats on how far you've come already. Different strokes, different folks but we're all here for the same reason. People can choose whether to respond or not, it's all about choice but please don't be put off writing if it's helping you even a little. Anyone pissed off can skim over quite easily.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Jeremy, Congrats on 8 days. I am glad to hear that although you have reservations about AA, you are still going. You mentioned that your wife is in out-patient and has about a month sober. This is a great opportunity for you and your wife to support one another and work towards sobriety together.
I like to know what you are doing towards your sobriety and on another thread, you let me know. Thanks for responding. That is something you didn't used to do. You tend to spend a lot of time in your own head. (Who doesn't-especially in early sobriety) Can I make a suggestion that I think will help with your posting as well as with your sobriety? Step outside of yourself more, post on other people's threads and offer others support. Helping others also helps us and it can help get you out of your own head for a bit and see things from a different perspective.
You know, Jeremy, I have thrown some tough love at you myself. It is not to be mean. It's because I care. I think some of the responses you receive is because people have tried everything and they just don't know what will get through to you. You have a lot of fight in you. If you use that fight to stay sober, you've got this!
I like to know what you are doing towards your sobriety and on another thread, you let me know. Thanks for responding. That is something you didn't used to do. You tend to spend a lot of time in your own head. (Who doesn't-especially in early sobriety) Can I make a suggestion that I think will help with your posting as well as with your sobriety? Step outside of yourself more, post on other people's threads and offer others support. Helping others also helps us and it can help get you out of your own head for a bit and see things from a different perspective.
You know, Jeremy, I have thrown some tough love at you myself. It is not to be mean. It's because I care. I think some of the responses you receive is because people have tried everything and they just don't know what will get through to you. You have a lot of fight in you. If you use that fight to stay sober, you've got this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
put the computer away, go for a walk, pet a dog, get your head straight, think only what you are going to do today to stay sober, you are in one hundred places at a time, go do something nice for someone...please walk away from the computer for a bit, go to work...
good luck to you today
good luck to you today
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Good morning, TDG.
I am just now catching up with this thread.
first, I applaud you for your honesty; it could not have been easy to set the record straight but you did it, nonetheless; well done.
Each of us here at SR is the sum of his or her life experiences. Those life experiences contribute to the way we respond to a deception. Some may have been profoundly hurt by deception in their lives and need more time to adjust to, and a little extra balm to heal from, another deception. Others may be able to quickly and easily wipe the slate clean and start in positive territory again. These differences account for the varying ways in which people respond to your threads.
Having said that, I firmly believe that those who continue to visit your threads and respond to your posts do so with the utmost respect for your struggles and with a heartfelt desire to help you find health, happiness, sobriety and recovery in your life. I think that we can't help but feel vested in your success; in a way, when you hurt, we hurt.
We are all a bunch of imperfect alcoholics and, as such, we know when one of us is in over his head and we fear for that person. That realization or level of fear can lead to more direct and heated responses to posts.
TDG, would you consider making today the day you take that vital healing step and get to inpatient. I think that you know with every fiber of your being that it is the right move for you. Put aside any fear and take that step.
We go with you as you go with love and respect.
I am just now catching up with this thread.
first, I applaud you for your honesty; it could not have been easy to set the record straight but you did it, nonetheless; well done.
Each of us here at SR is the sum of his or her life experiences. Those life experiences contribute to the way we respond to a deception. Some may have been profoundly hurt by deception in their lives and need more time to adjust to, and a little extra balm to heal from, another deception. Others may be able to quickly and easily wipe the slate clean and start in positive territory again. These differences account for the varying ways in which people respond to your threads.
Having said that, I firmly believe that those who continue to visit your threads and respond to your posts do so with the utmost respect for your struggles and with a heartfelt desire to help you find health, happiness, sobriety and recovery in your life. I think that we can't help but feel vested in your success; in a way, when you hurt, we hurt.
We are all a bunch of imperfect alcoholics and, as such, we know when one of us is in over his head and we fear for that person. That realization or level of fear can lead to more direct and heated responses to posts.
TDG, would you consider making today the day you take that vital healing step and get to inpatient. I think that you know with every fiber of your being that it is the right move for you. Put aside any fear and take that step.
We go with you as you go with love and respect.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by Bartacomus
I am a newcomer, and I was completely lost on this thread.. is this under the right category?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Dean1978
I agree I am completely lost too and doesn't reflect well when there are new people wanting seek help/guidance.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
TDG,
I've been following your threads for a week or two now, although I haven't commented on any of them yet. I am happy you're sober today. I think, as an active alcoholic, the need for personal connections mixed with the emotional highs and lows that come from the alcohol affecting our brain chemistry can be a toxic thing. It's human nature, to want to connect with other people; to matter to other people. Sometimes it's tempting to conjure up stories or situations because it's what we believe people want to hear, and that it will "keep them interested". But, in fact, it's false for you. It does you no good. The only way you can utilize these forums for their intended purposes is to be completely honest. George Orwell said "Give a man a mask, and he will tell the truth." The internet is your mask; I believe you will only be able to move forward if you are completely honest with people, but most importantly, completely honest with yourself. Don't spend any more time defending yourself. Don't spend any more time saying "Well, I lied, but all addicts lie, etc.". This isn't helping you. You seem to be spinning in circles. You seem to be frustrating some people here, but most importantly, you must be frustrating yourself.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I will keep following your threads.
I've been following your threads for a week or two now, although I haven't commented on any of them yet. I am happy you're sober today. I think, as an active alcoholic, the need for personal connections mixed with the emotional highs and lows that come from the alcohol affecting our brain chemistry can be a toxic thing. It's human nature, to want to connect with other people; to matter to other people. Sometimes it's tempting to conjure up stories or situations because it's what we believe people want to hear, and that it will "keep them interested". But, in fact, it's false for you. It does you no good. The only way you can utilize these forums for their intended purposes is to be completely honest. George Orwell said "Give a man a mask, and he will tell the truth." The internet is your mask; I believe you will only be able to move forward if you are completely honest with people, but most importantly, completely honest with yourself. Don't spend any more time defending yourself. Don't spend any more time saying "Well, I lied, but all addicts lie, etc.". This isn't helping you. You seem to be spinning in circles. You seem to be frustrating some people here, but most importantly, you must be frustrating yourself.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I will keep following your threads.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by Thepatman
My only concern right now is the real Newcomers.
If only a single person in need of help turns away thinking this is a Royal Rumble support site then we all have failed miserably.
This section is for newcomers, a welcoming place. Move on people.
If only a single person in need of help turns away thinking this is a Royal Rumble support site then we all have failed miserably.
This section is for newcomers, a welcoming place. Move on people.
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