Sad
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Sad
Last night I talked to a cousin who I have not talked with in a long time. She doesn't know about my addiction. So, she was telling me that she has diabetes now (she is 64 and very over weight) and that she and her hubby were faithfully going to the health club, weight training, swimming, tai chi etc. This is a new thing for her. I told her how wonderful it was and supported her. Then she says, "well, I am not nearly as fit as you are. I always admired how you worked out all the time and put you health above everything else".
I was just dumbstruck. The dichotomy silenced me. The tears came and I started to cry on the phone. Poor thing, my cousin was so confused. She asked if she said something wrong and I told her no through my sobs.
Finally I settled and told her that I had been "sick" for a few years and unable to workout like I wanted to. Of course she wanted details and I would not elaborate.
I feel sad this morning because (1) I could not articulate to her that I had become an alcoholic and (2) that I have in fact put alcohol above my health. Although I have made great progress since last fall toward becoming sober, I still feel like a loser. My cousin has a life threatening disease and she is attending to it by making healthy changes. I am totally healthy and attending to that my making life-threatening choices.
WTF?
I was just dumbstruck. The dichotomy silenced me. The tears came and I started to cry on the phone. Poor thing, my cousin was so confused. She asked if she said something wrong and I told her no through my sobs.
Finally I settled and told her that I had been "sick" for a few years and unable to workout like I wanted to. Of course she wanted details and I would not elaborate.
I feel sad this morning because (1) I could not articulate to her that I had become an alcoholic and (2) that I have in fact put alcohol above my health. Although I have made great progress since last fall toward becoming sober, I still feel like a loser. My cousin has a life threatening disease and she is attending to it by making healthy changes. I am totally healthy and attending to that my making life-threatening choices.
WTF?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
I've 'been there', ArtFriend - watching friends die, desperately holding on to life, while I poured the poison down my throat. It left me self-loathing and so very empty.
The past is just that, my dear friend. Today is a new day, a great day to pick up the pen and compose the details of a bright and healthy future. Use sunny colors of ink.
The past is just that, my dear friend. Today is a new day, a great day to pick up the pen and compose the details of a bright and healthy future. Use sunny colors of ink.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Artfriend-you also have a life-threatening disease. I know we don't always see it as such, but it is.
I have also had family members make positive changes due to health problems and I always wondered why I couldn't get it together, which just made me more depressed.
I think part of the disease is getting out of that hole and realizing that you do have the power to overcome this disease. However, you have to be willing to fight. It is hard, but you can do it!
I have also had family members make positive changes due to health problems and I always wondered why I couldn't get it together, which just made me more depressed.
I think part of the disease is getting out of that hole and realizing that you do have the power to overcome this disease. However, you have to be willing to fight. It is hard, but you can do it!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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I think it's the insanity of this disease of alcoholism. When we are drinking, as alcoholics, we have a life-threatening disease, too. But, now you are aware, and you know what to do to take care of yourself. Perhaps this call from your cousin was to help give you strength to push forward.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Thank you all... yes, alcoholism is a life-threatening disease as you said. I sometimes forget that and view it as a "lifestyle" choice. Makes no sense at all... why would one "choose" to be an alcoholic? My choice is to drink (or was) and that manifested in the disease.
It does bother me though why I wasn't able to tell her of my addiction. I was ashamed of it. I shouldn't be since it is a disease. She is not ashamed of having diabetes!
What do you think? Is it OK to "not tell" or should one be able to discuss it in terms of being a medical condition?
It does bother me though why I wasn't able to tell her of my addiction. I was ashamed of it. I shouldn't be since it is a disease. She is not ashamed of having diabetes!
What do you think? Is it OK to "not tell" or should one be able to discuss it in terms of being a medical condition?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
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You tell or don't tell as you see fit. When it feels right, tell her. If it doesn't, don't. There's no harm in that. I finally told someone go is like family to me, after almost two years sober. I hadn't seemed right until then. It went great, said she'd noticed a positive change in me but didn't know what it was.
It's your information to divulge or not.
I totally get the dichotomy/hypocrisy of it all. I too was perceived by friends and family as a health nut. The part that I found the most hypocritical for me, was the fact that I'm a bit in an environmentalist yet in hiding my addiction I would throw away my empties in the trash. If I recycled them, people would know how much I drank. How hypocritical is that??
It's your information to divulge or not.
I totally get the dichotomy/hypocrisy of it all. I too was perceived by friends and family as a health nut. The part that I found the most hypocritical for me, was the fact that I'm a bit in an environmentalist yet in hiding my addiction I would throw away my empties in the trash. If I recycled them, people would know how much I drank. How hypocritical is that??
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Maybe you and your cousin can support each other in healthy lifestyles Art? As for telling or not telling re alcoholism -- that is your choice. I choose to tell only a few people closest to me, others choose differently -- it's an individual choice.
Have a happy healthy weekend.
Have a happy healthy weekend.
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