Same pattern - different story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: SEATTLE
Posts: 1
Same pattern - different story
Hi All,
i'm new to the forum and thank you all for sharing the SAME pattern but we all have different stories. I've been with my AH for 14 years (3+ married) and the pieces to where we are have all finally come together. I can't believe that I was so STUPID (and I'm not being hard on myself) not to realize what I thought was meeting my "best friend" and going through so many ups and downs and then finally marrying. What I didn't know was that this depressed, BLAMING, angry, ragefrul and abusive man has always been this, it just has gotten worse and of course he's in denial about his drinking. My AH functions, but his life has followed the similiar pattern that I have read from this forum (along with many years of individual and couples therapy) I've worked with Pscologies specializing in addition, I've gone to Alanon, therapist have stated he has a great deal of SHAME, drinking challenges and projects many of his feelings directly at me. I think the hardest part of this all is, WHATdid we do to dserve this. I am far from perfet and I don't claim that I've had a role in this PATTERN, but to be told so many things are your fault and no matter if you say anything (which to my AH is an arguement) or nothing at all = you are always walking on egg shells. It's amazing how someone can project EVERYTHING on to you. I'm a fairly strong, confident, respected professional and always giving and wanting to have fun. Everything ounce of me has been crucified by my AH and yet he thinks that I'm the cause of making him blame, argue, rage, abuse and cause his actions. I've dealt with the i'm not an alcoholic to I'm the cause of making him drink. My AH is functiong and pretty much lives in a delusional fraudlent world He tells the WORLD that I'm the crazy psychotic wife because of how I respond to the MERRY GO ROUND of a life we have. Everytime I think there might be a little hope (because he goes back and forth and up and down) says one thing and then does another and it always = BLAME ME. Mine does blame others also (his employer, the gas company, people he meets, parking attendants, the softball team) NOTHING is ever his fault. Sadly this disease ruins lives and people. The good news is we need to remember it's NOT ABOUT US and no matter what we do or don't do they will always be unhappy angry and blameful (drinking or dry drunk) no offense to the people who have stayed dry and have made changes in their life. REMEMBER, WE ARE NOT THE CAUSE, WE CANNOT CONTROL and we cannot cure. No matter if you stay with them or not, remember this disease will continue and whomever they end up with (even alone) their battle will continue and as long as they stay in DENIAL the will continue feeding into the DISEASE. thanks all for sharing your STORY, but like I stated, we all follow the same pattern and that my friends is NO COINCIDENCE.
i'm new to the forum and thank you all for sharing the SAME pattern but we all have different stories. I've been with my AH for 14 years (3+ married) and the pieces to where we are have all finally come together. I can't believe that I was so STUPID (and I'm not being hard on myself) not to realize what I thought was meeting my "best friend" and going through so many ups and downs and then finally marrying. What I didn't know was that this depressed, BLAMING, angry, ragefrul and abusive man has always been this, it just has gotten worse and of course he's in denial about his drinking. My AH functions, but his life has followed the similiar pattern that I have read from this forum (along with many years of individual and couples therapy) I've worked with Pscologies specializing in addition, I've gone to Alanon, therapist have stated he has a great deal of SHAME, drinking challenges and projects many of his feelings directly at me. I think the hardest part of this all is, WHATdid we do to dserve this. I am far from perfet and I don't claim that I've had a role in this PATTERN, but to be told so many things are your fault and no matter if you say anything (which to my AH is an arguement) or nothing at all = you are always walking on egg shells. It's amazing how someone can project EVERYTHING on to you. I'm a fairly strong, confident, respected professional and always giving and wanting to have fun. Everything ounce of me has been crucified by my AH and yet he thinks that I'm the cause of making him blame, argue, rage, abuse and cause his actions. I've dealt with the i'm not an alcoholic to I'm the cause of making him drink. My AH is functiong and pretty much lives in a delusional fraudlent world He tells the WORLD that I'm the crazy psychotic wife because of how I respond to the MERRY GO ROUND of a life we have. Everytime I think there might be a little hope (because he goes back and forth and up and down) says one thing and then does another and it always = BLAME ME. Mine does blame others also (his employer, the gas company, people he meets, parking attendants, the softball team) NOTHING is ever his fault. Sadly this disease ruins lives and people. The good news is we need to remember it's NOT ABOUT US and no matter what we do or don't do they will always be unhappy angry and blameful (drinking or dry drunk) no offense to the people who have stayed dry and have made changes in their life. REMEMBER, WE ARE NOT THE CAUSE, WE CANNOT CONTROL and we cannot cure. No matter if you stay with them or not, remember this disease will continue and whomever they end up with (even alone) their battle will continue and as long as they stay in DENIAL the will continue feeding into the DISEASE. thanks all for sharing your STORY, but like I stated, we all follow the same pattern and that my friends is NO COINCIDENCE.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome to SR Mary 
I know you'll find support and understanding both in this forum, and in our Friends and Family forums too
D
I know you'll find support and understanding both in this forum, and in our Friends and Family forums too
D
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