1 in 20
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
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1 in 20
1 in 20 is all the scientist and skeptics are giving us as a statistic to go one year completely sober. Even the best rehab centers on earth boast 50 percent success rates.
Such a sobering (pun intended) thought and facts. You know, I've been stubborn and fought recovery. You know why, because I want to drink. I can't get over the idea of never drinking again.
Yeah, you lose the world and gain a beer and a good feeling. Seems irrational doesn't it? They debate the idea of it being a "disease" or a character conflict. I have no idea what it is, but I know it owns me and I struggle hard with it.
One year later and literally thousands of responses and I have no more answers because of myself then when I started and I can't quit this habit. I do believe I don't listen. I do believe that I have a hard time turning the corner. People die of this daily, and thats sad, I wonder why they didn't quit? Am I one of them?
Do others feel this way about addiction, like everything is slipping by and you are a passenger and plane thats about to crash. Why oh why can't I let my ego and self go and save myself?
My daughter asked when are you coming home? I told her, " I don't know" she got upset and cried. So much help, so much involvement, so much sound advice and I give a " I don't know" seems helpless at times.
I don't want AA I don't want outpatient, I don't want inpatient, I don't want. Craziness, I've watched so many fall of these boards. I know many went back to the drink, I know many got sober and left. I know of one that literally drank himself to death and another that died of Cancer.
Here I am with a chance, a chance I don't take. A place where I am stuck, for a time that feels like forever. This troubles me, I lie and distort the facts, because I want people that actually care to think I am doing better. Well bottom line is I do care, I want to stop, I just can't. Does anyone else relate?
I post all sorts of gibberish, from the insane to the inane, I've gotten help, I don't listen. Its not so sad when you look at it on a grander scale. Confused! Good day people thanks for reading. Sorry for the long post.
Such a sobering (pun intended) thought and facts. You know, I've been stubborn and fought recovery. You know why, because I want to drink. I can't get over the idea of never drinking again.
Yeah, you lose the world and gain a beer and a good feeling. Seems irrational doesn't it? They debate the idea of it being a "disease" or a character conflict. I have no idea what it is, but I know it owns me and I struggle hard with it.
One year later and literally thousands of responses and I have no more answers because of myself then when I started and I can't quit this habit. I do believe I don't listen. I do believe that I have a hard time turning the corner. People die of this daily, and thats sad, I wonder why they didn't quit? Am I one of them?
Do others feel this way about addiction, like everything is slipping by and you are a passenger and plane thats about to crash. Why oh why can't I let my ego and self go and save myself?
My daughter asked when are you coming home? I told her, " I don't know" she got upset and cried. So much help, so much involvement, so much sound advice and I give a " I don't know" seems helpless at times.
I don't want AA I don't want outpatient, I don't want inpatient, I don't want. Craziness, I've watched so many fall of these boards. I know many went back to the drink, I know many got sober and left. I know of one that literally drank himself to death and another that died of Cancer.
Here I am with a chance, a chance I don't take. A place where I am stuck, for a time that feels like forever. This troubles me, I lie and distort the facts, because I want people that actually care to think I am doing better. Well bottom line is I do care, I want to stop, I just can't. Does anyone else relate?
I post all sorts of gibberish, from the insane to the inane, I've gotten help, I don't listen. Its not so sad when you look at it on a grander scale. Confused! Good day people thanks for reading. Sorry for the long post.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
You can stop, if you want to.
It's simple, not easy, but simple.
It doesn't matter what program you use or how you manage to do it, but you just have to stop drinking.
What are you doing for your recovery today, Jeremy?
It's simple, not easy, but simple.
It doesn't matter what program you use or how you manage to do it, but you just have to stop drinking.
What are you doing for your recovery today, Jeremy?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Bottom line Jeremy, you have got to want it and you have got to work for it. Until you get your head in the game, nothing will help. All of the misery you are suffering is completely preventable. What have you got to lose by accepting the help you have been offered?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
You've gotten far better and extensive advice than I can add to; some may not work for you, but some certainly will. Try the different approaches and find what resonates; doing nothing is not doing nothing. It's continuing your journey to a place you don't want to be. As I've written before, your daughter and you deserve better than where things are heading.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
I read those statistics early on, too, TDG. I remember thinking that the statistics were very discouraging but then it dawned on me - "Nobody is going to tell me that I can't be that 1 in 20; it's my choice where I stand in those statistics and no one else is going to decide that for me".
So where are you going to stand (notice I say stand, TDG, not fall) in those statistics? Give it all you've got; don't let studies, numbers, statistics make the decision. Go for it.
So where are you going to stand (notice I say stand, TDG, not fall) in those statistics? Give it all you've got; don't let studies, numbers, statistics make the decision. Go for it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
You're actually a passenger on a plane that's about to crash who refuses to use his parachute because he's afraid that it will fail.
And now you're using statistics to rationalize your refusal to get involved in treatment.
Individual people do not die on a "grander scale." We die one at a time, and not infrequently as a result of our own choices.
And now you're using statistics to rationalize your refusal to get involved in treatment.
Individual people do not die on a "grander scale." We die one at a time, and not infrequently as a result of our own choices.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
@#$* the statistics. I am not a statistic. I am an alcoholic who had enough. Maybe only 5% stay sober for a year. But that makes it sound like it is a random, hit and miss type thing. It isn't.
Maybe 5% stay sober for a year. But 100% are capable of staying sober for a year. Including you.
Maybe 5% stay sober for a year. But 100% are capable of staying sober for a year. Including you.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
I don't discount the idea its a choice! I never have, but if you believe the disease model then you must believe that we've internally and irreparable altered our brain chemistry for the worst.
Excuse yes, avoidable maybe, life altering of course, statistically viable and proven yes. Does that mean you can't quit, of course not. Does that mean that its difficult and a challenge yes it does.
People are really lining up to die of alcoholism, yes they are and that's sad. Does that mean I've written myself off and providing myself an excuse to drink.... maybe. I don't know where I stand I don't want to be in the 95 percent who wishes that on themselves? If you do your are a fool!
The person that I spoke of was a glorious man, funny, with wit, and didn't deserve what happened. I won't speak of his name or his handle most that have been on the boards know who I am talking about.
Did he want to die, I don't think so. Do I want to die, I know I don't, but i have to reconcile the facts of the situation I am facing.
I've quit for now, I know what I can do but it doesn't mean my AV isn't ripping me apart it is, is that an excuse, is not getting help an excuse, I suppose it is, I know it is. However, I don't think I am alone, I know I am not alone.
I am trying to relate to the 95 percent and ask there guidance and help, I do believe we can get sober, I just don't know how.
Excuse yes, avoidable maybe, life altering of course, statistically viable and proven yes. Does that mean you can't quit, of course not. Does that mean that its difficult and a challenge yes it does.
People are really lining up to die of alcoholism, yes they are and that's sad. Does that mean I've written myself off and providing myself an excuse to drink.... maybe. I don't know where I stand I don't want to be in the 95 percent who wishes that on themselves? If you do your are a fool!
The person that I spoke of was a glorious man, funny, with wit, and didn't deserve what happened. I won't speak of his name or his handle most that have been on the boards know who I am talking about.
Did he want to die, I don't think so. Do I want to die, I know I don't, but i have to reconcile the facts of the situation I am facing.
I've quit for now, I know what I can do but it doesn't mean my AV isn't ripping me apart it is, is that an excuse, is not getting help an excuse, I suppose it is, I know it is. However, I don't think I am alone, I know I am not alone.
I am trying to relate to the 95 percent and ask there guidance and help, I do believe we can get sober, I just don't know how.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
TDG,
Not to get off the subject of recovery, but you are very good with words. I am sure you are very intelligent. Write in a journal. Sometimes it helps to just write to find answers, sort things out and find logic in the stinking thinking life finds us in.
Not to get off the subject of recovery, but you are very good with words. I am sure you are very intelligent. Write in a journal. Sometimes it helps to just write to find answers, sort things out and find logic in the stinking thinking life finds us in.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
SoberLeigh's post made me think of something that I'll add. Statistics are statistics. I don't know what the true percentage of people attempting be sober for one year is, but it's irrelevant. Maybe it's 1 in 20, maybe higher, maybe lower. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that someone has to be that one in whatever. It can be you, it can be me, it can be both of us.
About 30 years ago I was seeking a highly coveted position in a certain type of institution. Forget about 1 in 20, something like 1 in 300 were hired. To even get an interview meant you had to have some very solid educational credentials at a minimum and I worked hard to even get my foot into the interview room. Was I hired by the first firm I interviewed with? No, but I kept at it despite the overwhelming low odds because I truly believed that I had what it took to be that one in whatever and my perseverance was rewarded by achieving what I wanted. Had I not been aggressive I would have never gotten the job which is essentially what you're doing. You've gotten great advice, but to not actively pursue remedies to your situation is not going to help you get to a place you want to be. And, because as a father I can't help myself, think of your daughter.
Lest you think I have this whole sobriety thing figured out I certainly don't and as I wrote earlier today in my thread I had 1.5 glasses of wine last night. No holier than thou thing going on, just someone who is pulling for you as he struggles himself.
About 30 years ago I was seeking a highly coveted position in a certain type of institution. Forget about 1 in 20, something like 1 in 300 were hired. To even get an interview meant you had to have some very solid educational credentials at a minimum and I worked hard to even get my foot into the interview room. Was I hired by the first firm I interviewed with? No, but I kept at it despite the overwhelming low odds because I truly believed that I had what it took to be that one in whatever and my perseverance was rewarded by achieving what I wanted. Had I not been aggressive I would have never gotten the job which is essentially what you're doing. You've gotten great advice, but to not actively pursue remedies to your situation is not going to help you get to a place you want to be. And, because as a father I can't help myself, think of your daughter.
Lest you think I have this whole sobriety thing figured out I certainly don't and as I wrote earlier today in my thread I had 1.5 glasses of wine last night. No holier than thou thing going on, just someone who is pulling for you as he struggles himself.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Jeremy,
Statistics are nothing more than numbers that can be manipulated to mean whatever the person compiling them wants.
I went to 3 AA meetings 2 years ago, I decided it wasn't for me and seeked other methods. Depending on how you look at it I can fall into either category.
Success, because I have stayed sober since I went to my last one.
Failure, because I dont go anymore.
Whomever is compiling the info will put me in whichever group will help achieve the goal.
1 1/2 years ago, I had to attend mandatory counciling, even though I had been sober for 6 months.
The counsellor was extermely biased toward his personal choice of systems, when he found I didn't follow his beliefs, he made it clear that I was bound to fail. His last words to me were, "I guess you think you are cured, I'll see you again when the court sends you back".
Today I silently thank him for those words, because I use them as a tool to help me when I feel a craving coming on.
We all need to do what's best for ourselves, and no amount of statistics will get you where you need to be.
Statistics are nothing more than numbers that can be manipulated to mean whatever the person compiling them wants.
I went to 3 AA meetings 2 years ago, I decided it wasn't for me and seeked other methods. Depending on how you look at it I can fall into either category.
Success, because I have stayed sober since I went to my last one.
Failure, because I dont go anymore.
Whomever is compiling the info will put me in whichever group will help achieve the goal.
1 1/2 years ago, I had to attend mandatory counciling, even though I had been sober for 6 months.
The counsellor was extermely biased toward his personal choice of systems, when he found I didn't follow his beliefs, he made it clear that I was bound to fail. His last words to me were, "I guess you think you are cured, I'll see you again when the court sends you back".
Today I silently thank him for those words, because I use them as a tool to help me when I feel a craving coming on.
We all need to do what's best for ourselves, and no amount of statistics will get you where you need to be.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Sometimes I want to drink too Jeremy, but I want to live a long productive life even more. For me, I can't have them both. Went to a Yankees ballgame today. Beer all around me. My choice was simple. Have a "few" beers with everybody else, and kiss the next several weeks goodbye, sitting at home shaking and sweating, or have a coke, and make plans for another outing. The choice wasn't easy, but the answer was clear. Not bragging. God knows I have nothing to brag about considering my drinking history. Just showing that it can be done. Ask yourself this Jeremy, are you really happy with your life? Maybe you are since you continue to drink and choose to not do anything about it. And if you are, that's fine. No judgement here. Wish you well. John
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Jeremy, remember when you were afraid of being homeless, with no where to go? Do you think that is still a possibility?
Maybe right now you don't want to quit because you are comfortable enough. Maybe you have food and shelter and aren't worried about the immediate future. What will you feel like when you really hit a bottom that is miserable? will you wish you had quit already, and will you be struggling to go inpatient, when you have no where to go?
Well, by then your options may not be available .... Your health may decline .
Who wants to live out a miserable drunk life? how will you get the money to drink at that point?
You know I care about you, along with many here. But I hope you will think these things through, and maybe even answer my post
Maybe right now you don't want to quit because you are comfortable enough. Maybe you have food and shelter and aren't worried about the immediate future. What will you feel like when you really hit a bottom that is miserable? will you wish you had quit already, and will you be struggling to go inpatient, when you have no where to go?
Well, by then your options may not be available .... Your health may decline .
Who wants to live out a miserable drunk life? how will you get the money to drink at that point?
You know I care about you, along with many here. But I hope you will think these things through, and maybe even answer my post
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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I do believe we can get sober, I just don't know how.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Oh the methods I ponder the methods, I actually have an eternal debate over methods. Buddink and 2muchpain, do you know how I feel. I want anything that works, I do..... I want a start, I think of AA as a cult, I know that just alienated a lot of people, but at least when I call they answer.
I think sponsors, I think sobriety, I think of anything that will help this addict, but I don't know how! I can't find answers or solutions.
Thank you Sisterbobby, I have a Masters degree and numerous undgrad degrees, I don't really talk about it, lol yes I actually do journal daily already.
I think sponsors, I think sobriety, I think of anything that will help this addict, but I don't know how! I can't find answers or solutions.
Thank you Sisterbobby, I have a Masters degree and numerous undgrad degrees, I don't really talk about it, lol yes I actually do journal daily already.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Hello Jeremy, We know its hard and yes hitting the bottom and dead end you just need to turn around and climb back up. You need to whiling to quit drinking period, look what it done for you in your life. Nothing right, will you can turn this around and do something about it by not drinking today. Temptation will always be around you, you just have to let yourself to fight it and go on to something better.
All I can do is to love you and help you through this by being here, but I cant tell you want to do that is up to you. But I can tell you that inside is someone who really wants to come out and get the help and be normal to not worry about anything.
You can do this, I am doing it and believe me its hard at times but I am forgiving myself for being in this place that I made. You just have forgive yourself and everything else will come in place. you'll grow up and learn how to live like a normal, self-sufficient human being who doesn’t need a prop to get through the day or night.
The thought of coping with life’s challenges without alcohol will definitely be causing you concern, should you be considering a life of sobriety. This is the biggest leap of faith you will need to take, but please take it; your stress levels and apparent inability to cope are caused by alcohol!
Anyways, have a awesome day and do not drink you are better than that. Be strong and don't your addictions rune your life more it has.
((((Hugs)
All I can do is to love you and help you through this by being here, but I cant tell you want to do that is up to you. But I can tell you that inside is someone who really wants to come out and get the help and be normal to not worry about anything.
You can do this, I am doing it and believe me its hard at times but I am forgiving myself for being in this place that I made. You just have forgive yourself and everything else will come in place. you'll grow up and learn how to live like a normal, self-sufficient human being who doesn’t need a prop to get through the day or night.
The thought of coping with life’s challenges without alcohol will definitely be causing you concern, should you be considering a life of sobriety. This is the biggest leap of faith you will need to take, but please take it; your stress levels and apparent inability to cope are caused by alcohol!
Anyways, have a awesome day and do not drink you are better than that. Be strong and don't your addictions rune your life more it has.
((((Hugs)
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