Tracking Progress or Relapse
 

Hello, I thought I would post this in case it is helpful to anyone, or in case anyone has any reaction or helpful comments for me. I decided to quit drinking (attempt at "permanent") after drinking on Jan 12. I decided I would keep track of my days, and ultimately decided to keep track of any drinks I had, to see if possibly (hopefully, please, please) I could maintain a controlled drinking lifestyle. To be crystal clear, I only drink at night, although left to my own devices, that would be every night. A standard night before Jan 12 would be between 4-8 drinks (beer, wine, vodka). I would generally then be tired, sleep and get up to live a functional life day until 5 pm. The whole point of this post is to show some progression (regression) back to my old ways. The number next to the date shows the number of drinks (blank is zero). Each day has its own story, until the end when I was just sort of given up, back to every night, and at that point, heck what's just one more night, since I've already failed. I hope this data confirms in my own mind that I should never go back. You can see how it started relatively slow, an effort to have a couple beers, then a few days off. Later on it becomes a little more frequent, maybe every other day. Then the past weeks it was every night. Anyway, maybe this is useless, but it helped me. Hopeful now that March 2 was the last. Im on day 2 now :)



1/12/14 ...8
1/13/14
1/14/14
1/15/14
1/16/14
1/17/14
1/18/14
1/19/14
1/20/14
1/21/14
1/22/14
1/23/14
1/24/14
1/25/14 ...6
1/26/14
1/27/14
1/28/14 ...1
1/29/14
1/30/14 ...2
1/31/14
2/1/14
2/2/14
2/3/14
2/4/14 ...3
2/5/14
2/6/14
2/7/14 ...3
2/8/14
2/9/14
2/10/14 ...5
2/11/14
2/12/14 ...4
2/13/14 ...3
2/14/14
2/15/14 ...4
2/16/14
2/17/14 ...7
2/18/14 ...6
2/19/14
2/20/14
2/21/14 ...5
2/22/14
2/23/14 ...5
2/24/14 ...3
2/25/14 ...5
2/26/14 ...5
2/27/14 ...5
2/28/14 ...6
3/1/14 ...5
3/2/14 ...6
3/3/14

This would be exactly how my tally would look like if I had a drink now, sure stopping after a few drinks would be no problem at the start, but in a matter of weeks things would progress as bad as ever again to every day drinking!!

I think it's fair to say that "controlled drinking lifestyle" you were looking for didn't really work out, for me parting ways on a permanent basis was the solution, I too couldn't achieve what was the impossible!!

Go at things again Bobby, you can do this!! :)

Really good visual.

I think it's great you've decided to stop the moderation experiment.

My results were similar. I just didn't have the presence of mind to write them down - and those "5"s would be more like "12"s in my world. I found I couldn't count after 5, so I stopped trying.

Welcome to SR, Bobby; glad you found us.

Moderation is impossible for the vast majority of alcoholics. Your list seems to reflect what many alcoholics have discovered when they attempted to moderate - that alcoholism is a slippery slope; in no time at all (and often, immediately), we are sliding down the hill into our old (and at times even more severe) alcoholic ways and patterns.

Abstinence is the only sure way to avoid, with certainty, the perils of drinking.

Congratulations on two sober days. Hang in; things will get better and easier, in time.

Yes, that seems to be the trend for many of us here.

I'm glad you're giving up on moderation. It's frustrating and disappointing.

Powerful post. My first feeling when i started to read this was my beast woke up and said..."yeah, yeah,...you try that now too" but after looking at your dates and the progression I told the beast to shut the h--- up. It's a stubborn bat though, and is still trying to rationalize with me that maybe 5 or 6 drinks a night is not so bad for you, but the question is how do you feel? How does it effect you the next day? Any negative consequences? I know for me, I would not stop at 5 or 6 or 7 or 8. I would call in sick to work and stay in bed hung over.

those should be 2015, not 2014....not that it matters :)

Tate, the fact I would drink 5-7 or so, then go to bed (vs. what many people do which it sounds is like 12+ then passout/blackout), probably is a small difference. Trust me, the fact I dont drink during the day, and the fact that I perhaps drink in moderation vs. some other people, gave me great hope that I could do some sort of normal drinking. But to answer your question, my drinking is not normal. I love it too much. I really cant stop after 1, even though I can stop after 6. Went to a Christmas party where they didnt serve alcohol, and I was so aggitated and uncomfortable I cant explain it. It too much of an obsession, like the way in the Lord of the Rings they all craved the Ring. Thats my self assessment, I wish it wasnt the case.

This is almost an exact replica of my last few months. Did great in Jan until about day 22 then stumbled, disappointed myself, was good for awhile and then stumbled again. And then all hell broke lose and I completely became undone. On and off the merry go round so many times screaming the whole time make it stop but feeling powerless to step off for good. Thanks for this powerful reminder. Nothing works but abstinence.

Nice to meet you BobbyE

hi BobbyE, wow, what a powerful visual. We read about it all the time here on this site, but to actually see it in action is amazing. Very gradual and cunning, then boom, back in the crapper. Best of luck to you on total abstinence.

Chuck39 says it all with:

"Nothing works but abstinence."