p0tato3

So I'll start off by saying that I am two months sober and working a program. I'm also trying to get my license back which involves getting letters from people I know saying I've been sober for over a year. I know this is lying. I just asked my girlfriend if she would wright one and she said no. This upset me because I would lie or do just about anything if it benefited her. She was also upset about me asking her to lie. Everyone else I asked gladly wrote the letter but I know she has codependency issues regarding me and anyone she cares about whether alcohol is involved or not. Was it wrong of me to ask her to lie for me. Was this overstepping a boundary? I'm starting to realize While some people might be thrilled that I'm sober and gladly lie to help me get my license back that my request could be incredibly stressful to her emotional well being. I just wish out of anybody that she would be behind me on this.

northend79

I'm an alcoholic myself and I refused to write a letter for an ex boyfriend who was an alcohlic stating he was regularly attending aa meetings.

It is most definitely over stepping boundary.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, p0tato3, to SR. Congratulations on two sober months.

It could be (and probably is) that your girlfriend refused to lie for you because she truly is behind you when it comes to matters that really count - such as your sustained sobriety. I am guessing that you lost your license for a DUI; somewhere in the back of your girlfriend's mind is the fact that she couldn't live with herself if she lied for you and then there was another DUI where you or someone else was hurt or killed.

Sounds like you are fortunate to have a girlfriend like that.

anotherquitter

Stop kidding yourself. Deep down you know that it was wrong to ask your girlfriend to lie. Your first step should be to apologize.

I congratulate you on being 2 months sober, and you say you are working a program. Does this program involve letting go of ego and becoming less selfish? I found that in sobriety my biggest discovery has been humility. The world does not revolve around me and I cannot control it. I have to let go of ego and control in order to grow spiritually. And by spiritually I don't mean in a religious sense. I'm a dyslexic agnostic - I don't believe in DOG.

Spend more time in the program and less worrying about your future. If it takes a year of sobriety to get your license back then that's what it will take. Accept it and move on. Becoming honest with yourself, and others, is one of the best steps toward recovery you can take.

biminiblue

Asking anyone to break the law for you is not okay. Codpendency is not the issue here, doing the right thing is.

You've asked people to lie to the Court. That is really poor judgment on your part and on anyone's part who wrote a letter.

SparkleKitty

She is showing you that she is behind you by refusing to cushion you from the consequences of your actions. Lying would be enabling -- yes, we can enable people even when they aren't drinking.

The fact that you would "lie or do just about anything if it benefited her" is romantic but maybe a little misguided. I would rather be treated like an adult in a relationship than a helpless child.

p0tato3

Yes humility is not one of my strong suits. Thanks everyone for the replies. I have never had a dui but recieved 6 underage drinking tickets and am now 22. I do believe that I should not be driving unless I'm living a sober life. Although I like to think of this as one day at a time I also know that even though it's only been two months my sobriety is going to be sustained. At this point it is the only viable option in my mind. But it's impossible for anyone else to know exactly how i feel about my sobriety and after 7 years of trying to be sober why should anyone believe in me. Asking her to lie was selfish and I can't unsay what I asked of her. I've been struggling for so long with alcohol and now I'm struggling with being a good person. Ahhh nothing good comes easy!

Jsbodhi

I would be upset too if I were your girlfriend, but I probably would've written the letter.
My ex used to ask me to lie for him with stuff like that, it was one of the reasons I broke up with him, I hated it.

anotherquitter

Nope, but you can apologize.

Stick with it and you'll find living a sober life will help you to become a better person. You are not alone in what you are feeling or the road ahead. Many are already on the path and are there to assist - when asked.