Letting go of the past
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Letting go of the past
As a young boy I read a story about these people that lived in a world where the sun only shown for a day in-between years of nothing but cloudy and gray days.
There were children who were going to see the sun for their first time. They saw it as babies but now they could understand it and bask in it. Feel it and run and play. Be joyful, if only for a day. The whole world looked forward to this moment in time. The world rejoiced.
There were several boys that were mean. They decided to trick a loner boy into being their friend. Then when the moment approached to be let outside... to finally see the sun... they locked him in a room. None of the adults noticed him missing because they too were so overwhelmed with the joys of the sun.
When they all returned indoors... when the sun had passed and it was gray once again... they found the boy. He was crying and so sad he could hardly even move. The other kids took from him something that would alter who he was. He would know no sun now until he was a young adult.
The loss he felt. In fact, the loss everyone felt for him. The boy now only being able to see the sun through his mind.
I know that loss. It's a knot in the pit of my belly that has sat there for year on years.
That feeling of learning to live life at a deficit. Always wondering what it is like with an understanding of what the sun on my face feels like. Never fitting in when people talked of the sun. Never understanding fully a world with a sun... the very world I must live in.
Understanding what you can't experience is not the same as knowing it. And learning much later in life what others know from childhood.... Well that is just not the same. We learn differently at different times.
When this boy did finally see the sun, it was with his mind and no longer with his heart. He was bitter and for him it was not as warm and simply not as bright as what the others had told him. What others tried hard to make up to him with words and drawings.
Resentments can stay with us for a lifetime. It's difficult to see when we drag them from place to place. Hard to see that they are always near. I can sometimes forget that I hold them to me as part of my free will. These resentments are not part of what I am but what I choose to be.
In sobriety... In this later part of life... I can choose differently.
It is time to see the sun with my heart. It is time to let go. It's just time.
I read over and over on SR the same question. Probably one of the top asked by newcomers.
How do I let go of the past?
The answer is simple but not easy.
Its just time. Let it go.
There were children who were going to see the sun for their first time. They saw it as babies but now they could understand it and bask in it. Feel it and run and play. Be joyful, if only for a day. The whole world looked forward to this moment in time. The world rejoiced.
There were several boys that were mean. They decided to trick a loner boy into being their friend. Then when the moment approached to be let outside... to finally see the sun... they locked him in a room. None of the adults noticed him missing because they too were so overwhelmed with the joys of the sun.
When they all returned indoors... when the sun had passed and it was gray once again... they found the boy. He was crying and so sad he could hardly even move. The other kids took from him something that would alter who he was. He would know no sun now until he was a young adult.
The loss he felt. In fact, the loss everyone felt for him. The boy now only being able to see the sun through his mind.
I know that loss. It's a knot in the pit of my belly that has sat there for year on years.
That feeling of learning to live life at a deficit. Always wondering what it is like with an understanding of what the sun on my face feels like. Never fitting in when people talked of the sun. Never understanding fully a world with a sun... the very world I must live in.
Understanding what you can't experience is not the same as knowing it. And learning much later in life what others know from childhood.... Well that is just not the same. We learn differently at different times.
When this boy did finally see the sun, it was with his mind and no longer with his heart. He was bitter and for him it was not as warm and simply not as bright as what the others had told him. What others tried hard to make up to him with words and drawings.
Resentments can stay with us for a lifetime. It's difficult to see when we drag them from place to place. Hard to see that they are always near. I can sometimes forget that I hold them to me as part of my free will. These resentments are not part of what I am but what I choose to be.
In sobriety... In this later part of life... I can choose differently.
It is time to see the sun with my heart. It is time to let go. It's just time.
I read over and over on SR the same question. Probably one of the top asked by newcomers.
How do I let go of the past?
The answer is simple but not easy.
Its just time. Let it go.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I heard somewhere that there is no magic way to let it go...but the magic is in having the willingness to let it go. I have found that journaling and positive affirmations help me. But having the willingness to let go of the past is what we need, and in time, it happens.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Well writ, as always, dear friend. 
True, it's called faith.
When I was first starting my sober journey I could not remember what it felt like to not crave alcohol. I could not remember what it felt like to not think about it every single day. All my experience was that when I quit drinking I grew anxious and irritable. I obsessed about drinking. The battle about drinking raged in my head night and day. It seemed to only get worse with time, not better.
People here at SR told me that if I kept at it long enough things would improve. My AV told me it would never get better unless I drank, but I trusted the people here who had walked before me on this path. I had faith.
Today I am a free man.
Sobriety is the lens through which I view the world. The vistas in front of me are much better than the vistas behind me.
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
Understanding what you can't experience is not the same as knowing it.
When I was first starting my sober journey I could not remember what it felt like to not crave alcohol. I could not remember what it felt like to not think about it every single day. All my experience was that when I quit drinking I grew anxious and irritable. I obsessed about drinking. The battle about drinking raged in my head night and day. It seemed to only get worse with time, not better.
People here at SR told me that if I kept at it long enough things would improve. My AV told me it would never get better unless I drank, but I trusted the people here who had walked before me on this path. I had faith.
Today I am a free man.
Sobriety is the lens through which I view the world. The vistas in front of me are much better than the vistas behind me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I like the analogy in the story. I agree that learning things later in life (after having not seen the sun as a child) is not the same as having the sun from the beginning. I forgot who said this, but the saying is true. "Give me the child for the first 5 years and I'll give you the man/woman". Developmentally so much happens in those critical years. The capacity to "see the sun with your heart" is most likely developed in the early years.
So how to undo the past and get over the resentments? People say it is a choice that has to be constantly reinforced over and over. I agree to a point. I personally think that there are things in my past I will never truly "get over". They have been ingrained to the point of being part of my DNA. Yes, these early experiences (and subsequent experiences too) have shaped the person I am today. I guess I could say they also killed the person I might have otherwise become. I try not to dwell and accept things as they are. It is a constant ever-vigilant endeavor. But, what is the alternative?
So how to undo the past and get over the resentments? People say it is a choice that has to be constantly reinforced over and over. I agree to a point. I personally think that there are things in my past I will never truly "get over". They have been ingrained to the point of being part of my DNA. Yes, these early experiences (and subsequent experiences too) have shaped the person I am today. I guess I could say they also killed the person I might have otherwise become. I try not to dwell and accept things as they are. It is a constant ever-vigilant endeavor. But, what is the alternative?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you Weasel. I read that story too. I always felt the yawning sense of loss and isolation conveyed in the words. We are the loners at some point in our life. I'm working on dealing with the resentments I've cultivated over the years. Sometimes it's so hard because the anger is such a huge part of me as an adult. It's almost an addiction of it's own. But like alcohol, I can learn to put it aside. It weighs me down and keeps me from growing.
There is a book floating around called Drop the Rock. The rocks being those thibgs weighing us down. I'm working this phase of my sobriety and recovery learning how to drop the rocks.
Thank you
There is a book floating around called Drop the Rock. The rocks being those thibgs weighing us down. I'm working this phase of my sobriety and recovery learning how to drop the rocks.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,840
Weasel, thank you; I had never heard that story - profound.
It is never too late to let go of the past so that we can thrive and be the best that we can be.
More importantly, perhaps, is that we let go in order to create a better 'present' for those we love and, thereby, a 'past' they remember well and have no need to shed.
It is never too late to let go of the past so that we can thrive and be the best that we can be.
More importantly, perhaps, is that we let go in order to create a better 'present' for those we love and, thereby, a 'past' they remember well and have no need to shed.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Originally Posted by Ruby2
"All Summer in a Day" Ray Bradbury.
I felt like I was the one hidden from the sun all these years. I did have to fill in some spots for my analogy. But the emotions I felt then are still with me today. The whole reason for the post.
I am so damn ready to let more go. It just feels good. And right.
Thanks everyone for the support on SR. thanks!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Good post, Ken.
I've recently updated my "signature" line and I think it captures part of what you were trying to convey. I was recently thinking about the subject of Letting Go as well and came across the quote from Sam Harris and it helped me.
We don't have to be prisoners to our thoughts about the past. That said, it's easier said than done...and it does require training! Just like going to the gym, or building a house, or growing a garden. You can't do it overnight. Practice, practice, practice. Little by little, you will feel those burdens falling away, as you start living more of your life in the present.
I've recently updated my "signature" line and I think it captures part of what you were trying to convey. I was recently thinking about the subject of Letting Go as well and came across the quote from Sam Harris and it helped me.
We don't have to be prisoners to our thoughts about the past. That said, it's easier said than done...and it does require training! Just like going to the gym, or building a house, or growing a garden. You can't do it overnight. Practice, practice, practice. Little by little, you will feel those burdens falling away, as you start living more of your life in the present.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
I remember that story and it has haunted me as well. I think it's like the stiry "the lottery" which once read will impact you espeically if you're a kid.
And you're right - you just "Let it go" easily said at times extreamly difficult to do.
And you're right - you just "Let it go" easily said at times extreamly difficult to do.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
BigS... Thanks I agree!
My post is not one from the view point of a beginner. It is actually a lesson in my constant practice regiment. I started seeing a therapist that is helping me move through what was and into much more open waters.
Just everything combined this morning for me to be able to put words to thoughts I could not otherwise seem to get together. So this was therapeutic for me. I know many can probably relate.
I am in the "unlearning isolation" phase of training!
My post is not one from the view point of a beginner. It is actually a lesson in my constant practice regiment. I started seeing a therapist that is helping me move through what was and into much more open waters.
Just everything combined this morning for me to be able to put words to thoughts I could not otherwise seem to get together. So this was therapeutic for me. I know many can probably relate.
I am in the "unlearning isolation" phase of training!
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