Dee74

Continued best wishes to you and your sister

D

Cathryn2001

Thank you for the updates--I've been thinking of you both!

aussieblue

More prayers for your sister and your family.

PurpleKnight

Thoughts are with you both!!

EndGameNYC

Mary Ann has been home for a few hours. We just finished eating pizza. She said the food at the hospital sucked (What are the odds?), so she was eating fruit every day.

Her surgeon told her that it's possible that there is a primary cancer responsible for her brain tumor, and he specified her lungs, breasts and colon. She needs to be tested when she's back on her feet. I'll be staying with her this week. Her walking is shaky, and she'll probably need help getting things done for herself, and I can help monitor her medications.

She's been on the nicotine patch since Tuesday, and says she hasn't had any cravings. Of course, everyone on the staff told her several times that she needs to stop smoking, and she seems ready to give it an honest attempt. We'll see. She also hasn't had a drink since Tuesday and, as of now, is looking forward to having one.

For anyone reading this who has yet to take advantage of this site, I can say from my recent experience and from what I've observed since I've been here that there is an enormous amount of support available on SR that truly makes a difference. Please don't deny yourself of the help you need.

Thank you again to each of you who have made this much more manageable for me than would otherwise be the case. I'm extremely touched and better for the experience.

Gonnachange

Again, glad your sister is home and doing well. One of the benefits of living in the NYC area is that we have access to some of the finest medical care on the planet without having to travel very far. Going forward I wish a full and speedy recovery for your sister.

EndGameNYC

It's all catching up to me...the emotional impact of all that's happened.

My sister remains in good spirits and is now going a little stir crazy. She's not used to sitting around. She talks about possibly losing her job as a result of her condition, and especially if it turns out that her tumor was an indication of cancer elsewhere in her body. I don't tell her not to worry about it. She'll worry no matter what I say, and for where she is now in the process, it's quite natural to focus on everyday concerns so as not to spend too much worrying about what she may be up against in terms of her health. Now that she's home and I'm back at work, she'll have plenty of time on her own to think about her mortality. Of course, I'll be here to listen and do whatever else she needs to get through this.

Not a single thought about drinking on my part. I see my therapist about once a month, basically for maintenance, and I'm seeing her this Friday. Also still going to meetings. I noticed over the weekend that it's been difficult for me to keep my mind on the things I need to do for myself, but doing my regular stuff has always been a big help for me, even though there are several moments when I stop and think about what's happening. My father died of lung cancer twenty years ago, a couple of months after someone else close to me died, also of cancer, so the memories -- actually the feelings attached to those memories -- are pushing their way to the forefront. I'm very sad. I'm only grateful that I'm able to be there for her.

It was good to see my family. I have two brothers, one who lives in California and the other, a doctor, who lives in New Hampshire. They were all here at different times during the week and over the weekend. Also Mary Ann and another sister who lives in Long Island. It was great to see and experience all the support.

Thanks again for all your support here on SR.

Hawkeye13

I'm very glad to hear you are holding strong in sobriety, and are getting
regular therapy support.

I'm the same as your sister--sitting around is almost worse than being sick

Continued good wishes to you both.
Maybe some decadent only-found-in-NYC ice cream and another fantastic deli sandwich will take her mind off holding still and mending. . .

biminiblue

Prayers going out to you both today, EndGame. You are a shining example to us all.

courage2

Thinking of you, and hoping that whatever comes, you're able to continue to offer caring support for your sister, and receive it from others.

((EG))

Gonnachange

EndGame, I'm glad that your sister is in good spirits and that you are staying sober and finding the support you need.

EndGameNYC

Still following your thread, GC. Keep on going. There's nothing "back there" that will make anything in your life better.

EndGameNYC

Thanks, Hawkeye.

You're right about the food. She looks like she lost at least ten pounds while in the hospital, and now she's on steroids and is constantly hungry. I went out yesterday and got her some of her favorites.

alphaomega

Thinking about you everyday Endgame.

Lean on us, so we may be the strength for you that you have offered so many of us, so selflessly.

Grateful for you. So please, take care of you, K ?

XO AO

SoberLeigh

I am continuing to keep you, your sister and your family in my thoughts and prayers, EndGame.

Venecia

Thank you for the update, EndGame.

I join others here in extending my most hopeful wishes for Mary Ann.

You noted that it's hard to keep your mind on the things you need to do for yourself. I can certainly see how that would be the case during this time of uncertainty and fear. I hope that you practice good self-care. Those occasional cups of coffee and the NYT. A walk outside -- probably all the sweeter after the winter you've had. Even a little nap or extra shower. As insignificant as they may seem, those little respites help.

Sasha4

I'm still with you in all of this.
You have my support, my best wishes and love.

xx

Boylan

She sounds like such a lovely person. I can tell from your post that you care deeply. She is so lucky to have a person such as you in her corner.

Wish you all the very best.

fini

thinking of you, EndGame.
and so wonderful you have a supportive and compassionate family, pulling together.

EndGameNYC

We're going to the hospital later today to have my sister's staples removed. She'll then meet with her surgeon. When enough time has passed since her surgery, she'll have a few different tests for cancer based on different parts of her body.

After her initial shock and her putting aside the seriousness of her condition, her mood visibly dropped. She's worried about losing her job, and she got her financial matters in order. She spends a lot of time at home, by herself, so I give her my time whenever I'm there. I encourage her to talk about what's going on with her, knowing that she doesn't want to burden me with her troubles. I mostly listen.

In my original OP, I commented on my concern for my sister's drinking habits prior to her surgery. I asked her the other day whether or not she had thoughts about drinking or had cravings for wine. She said, "not at all," and I've seen no evidence to contradict this.

As I wrote earlier, my sister rarely went to see a doctor, and hadn't had a physical in years. As the years went by, she suspected that "something was wrong" the more she avoided getting checked out. Her smoking and more recent near-daily drinking only made her anxiety much worse. She couldn't even bring herself to talk about getting a physical.

I've been doing what I've been doing for a very long time. In terms of medical problems (and perhaps many other things in life), when you don't know, your anxiety is generally out of control, and this adversely influences virtually every part of your life. (As with drinking, we continue to drink because of our anxieties around the problems that drinking brings, only making things worse.) When you do know, anxiety subsides or at least is transferred to something tangible, something that can be treated. You then have an opportunity to channel all that wasted fear, the wasted energy, by doing the things that are necessary to heal. Some people here might call this "acceptance."