tamcnaught

I have not had a drink for 14 years. I always assumed that when I stopped drinking I would become a different person, but this was not the case. I am the same rather dysfunctional person I have always been only sober. I continue to be sober and really have no desire to drink. I heard the term "dry alcoholic" for the first time two weeks ago. I thought, maybe that's my problem. How do you know whether you're weird because you used to drink too much, I drank pretty heavily from the age of 16 until I was 38, or whether you're weird just because you're weird. What do I mean weird? I mean I am slightly paranoid, I am avoidant to an extent. I feel extremely awkward in social situations, I don't mind being alone, but I feel sort of numb all the time, confused, anxious and very much like life has no meaning but I am obligated to go the distance with as much dignity as possible. I quit drinking because I found it undignified. My parents were both alcoholics, my father was bipolar and two of my three uncles died of alcoholism. Maybe I am just the recepient of a really bad gene pool and I just need to accept that. I thought maybe if I am what is referred to as a dry drunk, AA could help me, but I'm not sure what I want. I have no desire to drink, but I sure would like to feel normal, whatever that is. I meet and work with people who seem normal and their way of understanding things is very much different from my own. I don't know. I took anti-depressants for awhile, but this made me feel really numb.

usatoday

Hi Tam,
Congratulations on not drinking for 14 years. That's an amazing feat! I know how you feel. I used to be a functioning alcoholic and now I feel like a non-functioning non-alcoholic. Go figure, right!? Do you feel like you're not very assertive? I don't think there are any cut and dry rules about what is normal. There's a forum here for children of alcoholic parents. You might get some information about how your past has affected your perceptions. It sounds like you're really in tune with your feelings and I'm glad that you're not leaning on drugs to numb them. I don't think you're weird...hope to hear from you again soon. :heart:

Gooch

I'm weird enough to be a self proclaimed expert on weirdness.. I have a helmet sticker that says "I'm not weird I'm gifted"

AA or NA might be able to help you as both fellowships deal with the personality changes necessary to reclaim who we were destined to be before the drug took hold of us.

And they both deal with developing a relationship with a Higher Power and the acceptance of the world ( including ourselves) exactly as they are.

so weird or gifted we can love life and love ourselves.

Glad your here!

Chy

Hi and welcome!
Congratulations on you 14 years, absolutly awesome! I would have to reiterate what Gooch said, maybe NA or AA can help you find that complete peace and serenity your looking for, and if it's any consolation, weird is okay too!

Frank

Hi Tam,

14 years....Thats excellent..Althought the most I've had is 12 months....during those dry months I felt exactly the same as you...I'm going to try AA this timer around..they say it helps

degadar

tamcnaught - you sound perfectly abnormal to me. 14 years is one hell of an achievement and you haven't managed that without posessing something very special in the inner-strength department so don't do yourself down.

Explore the weirdness and enjoy it. I'm presuming it may be easier for us english in that respect - but I'm only going on guesswork and what one picks up from literature. I've had my unfair share of drugs too and I believe that 'dull' world with no lightning, and no voices, no flashes of pure inspired genius, and no brass band playing in the back of the head - is what those poor sad 'normal' people live through all the time.

I know I couldn't appear 'normal' to the outside world without making myself very unhappy in the process. It may be very selfish, but they can all F**k off.

Deg <-- Think.. Basil Fawlty but much, much shorter and fatter.

Moontime

Congrats on 14 years. I would suggest a 12 step fellowship, they give us life coping skills, and it's great to be apart of something so big. The steps have really helped my life today, particularly my 4th and 6th step. Doing a 4th step with a sponsor, I'm not having my past control my life today. A 6th step is where I see where my disease manifests itself in my character defects. Today, when I act out I can see which defect it is and see which spiritual principle needs to be applied. If I was just abstinent and not in recovery, I would be running around like a lunatic, that's just me.