Day 2 and crushing shame
Day 2 and crushing shame
I'm on day 2 and scared and know if I relapse that horrible things will happen. They always do when I drink.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'm on day 2 and scared and know if I relapse that horrible things will happen. They always do when I drink.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
One of the first things I said when I joined this forum was that I hate myself (and by God did I soon get hauled over the calls by the good folk here for saying that :-D )
I know it's easy to say but you can not change what has happened. Likewise you can not decide how other people your actions have impacted on are feeling. I spent a holiday of a lifetime with my son last summer absolutely plastered most evenings. Yes others on the holiday have kept in touch and are really supportive. They saw it as me having a problem and needing support and have never reprimanded me for it.
Easy as it is for me to say - it really does get easier as time goes by. I'm only a month down the line but already package things in to BC and AD (Before Calm and After Drink). BC is learnt from and won't happen again, AD is fun!
I know it's easy to say but you can not change what has happened. Likewise you can not decide how other people your actions have impacted on are feeling. I spent a holiday of a lifetime with my son last summer absolutely plastered most evenings. Yes others on the holiday have kept in touch and are really supportive. They saw it as me having a problem and needing support and have never reprimanded me for it.
Easy as it is for me to say - it really does get easier as time goes by. I'm only a month down the line but already package things in to BC and AD (Before Calm and After Drink). BC is learnt from and won't happen again, AD is fun!
"crushing shame". That was me on Day 2, just like you.
But, literally, each day of sobriety brings you one step closer to liking yourself again. It really does. I am finally there. And it feels good. You can get there too.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
But, literally, each day of sobriety brings you one step closer to liking yourself again. It really does. I am finally there. And it feels good. You can get there too.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I think that for some of us, crushing shame, is part of the process of recovery. I felt the same thing and had to work really hard to get beyond it. And, it took time. Try to remember that you can be the person you want to be in recovery.
Oh yes, that crushing shame *and* self-loathing! I turned into that person who would be walking in the grocery store, or wherever, muttering profanities under her breath, utterly loathing the shameful self for whatever happened the night or two or three before. Ugh. Groceries? What groceries? (peanutbutters, I'm on day two too.)
Don't worry guys. This too shall pass, but it will only pass if you don't take that next drink. Otherwise you'll be in the same circle.
Look, we all did horrible, humilating things when we were drinking. And as long as we continued to drink, we keep those burdens with us. But I tell you what, people are quick to forgive when they see that you are working on getting yourself better.
Look, we all did horrible, humilating things when we were drinking. And as long as we continued to drink, we keep those burdens with us. But I tell you what, people are quick to forgive when they see that you are working on getting yourself better.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
It's easy to say but you have to let the past go or it will drown you. Focus on what you are doing now, this will become a past you will be proud of. Don't let this feelings take over because your AV will use them against you.
We were all there so we understand. I send you a cyber hug!!!
We were all there so we understand. I send you a cyber hug!!!
I get what I call "THE THOUGHTS". I am recently sober again after a relapse and my biggest problem is that all my thoughts get way over EXAGGERATED. Sometimes I will even think of stupid things I did years ago and they will become all engrossing. It helps me to know that it is just my mind adjusting to life without to booze. It gets better. Try breathing, reading, walking. They calm down.
Don't worry guys. This too shall pass, but it will only pass if you don't take that next drink. Otherwise you'll be in the same circle. Look, we all did horrible, humilating things when we were drinking. And as long as we continued to drink, we keep those burdens with us. But I tell you what, people are quick to forgive when they see that you are working on getting yourself better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
Feel those feelings, really feel them. They aren't going to go away, except with the passage of time. When they do, and you are still sober, you will have the good feelings of quitting drinking that you seek. That is the hard thing with sobriety. Every feeling is foreign to us. We have been numb for so long. Numb to the bad emotions, and numb to the good emotions. You have to accept the fact that you will feel emotions and at first they will feel awfully strange. Know that it will pass (unfortunately the good emotions pass also).
I'm on day 2 and scared and know if I relapse that horrible things will happen. They always do when I drink.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Today I'm so ashamed of myself and my actions. How do you forgive yourself?
I want to be excited for my sober decision but I'm thinking of the very, very recent past instead of the future.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Many of us have done things we wish we hadn't while drinking. You can't go back and change it. Maybe for the time being forgiving yourself can be put off for a bit and simply focusing on sobriety knowing you will be a better person for it will be your goal.
You can deal with the rest later after you are feeling stronger.
You can deal with the rest later after you are feeling stronger.
Thank you for ask the responses and wisdom.
I decided to get out of the house and visit my aunt. We pulled some of her winter garden and had coffee.
I am feeling better right now and remembering that people love me and that if they do, maybe I can love myself too.
I decided to get out of the house and visit my aunt. We pulled some of her winter garden and had coffee.
I am feeling better right now and remembering that people love me and that if they do, maybe I can love myself too.
They fade away after a long period of sobriety.
Mostly, anyway. Every once in a blue moon I get a mortifying flash of memory and I'm like "AAAAAAAAHHHHh make it stahp!" But day-to-day, it gets better.
Part of the trick is piling up good (or at least "not bad") stuff to occupy your mind. Again, really helps to be living the sober life to accomplish any of this.
Mostly, anyway. Every once in a blue moon I get a mortifying flash of memory and I'm like "AAAAAAAAHHHHh make it stahp!" But day-to-day, it gets better.
Part of the trick is piling up good (or at least "not bad") stuff to occupy your mind. Again, really helps to be living the sober life to accomplish any of this.
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