getright15

So today is day 4 for me and I've gone weeks and even a few months before with not drinking. After my last episode that lasted about 3 days I'm having a very hard time looking myself in the mirror and saying "I can never drink again". I like drinking....I hate the problems it's brought for sure, but just coming to grips with that is a tough pill for me to currently swallow.

Just been thinking a lot all day and this was one of the things that crossed my mind.

:shrugs:

Dee74

It took me about 15 years to get to that point so you're light years ahead of me getitright

For me the bottom line was accepting I had no control over my drinking and I never would.


From there, I rationalised that I could either be the person I wanted to be...or drink...

But not both?
D

ScottFromWI

It's a lot easier than coming to grips with where would be if I was still drinking.

needtostopthis

Wish I knew the answer to this. I am only 5 days sober and I am wondering the very same thing. You mean I can never drink? It scares me to even think about never drinking again. Yet to scares me to know what will happen if I even take a sip of booze. I know the whole saga will start over and it will suck.

getright15

Isn't that the truth! I wish I had the easy answer as well my friend!

Buggirl

I am now 150 days in and would hate to think of me drinking again, it scares me!

kk1k5x

I've had the same thoughts, getright. Have had weeks sober and even almost a year at one point. And it was always the same thing - I thought I liked drinking, too. But this is just the brain trying to convince us of something. If you take the sentence 'I like drinking, but I don't like the problems it brings', it's a logical fallacy. What you're actually saying in that sentence is that you like the problems drinking brings - why? Because drinking causes the problems and if one like the drinking, you also like the problems.

Think in reality, we all like some element of being drunk or what that intoxicated state allowed us to do (something we wouldn't normally, maybe?). E.g. if you're shy, you talk to people. So what you actually like, is talking to people. Over time, the fog of alcohol and connections in the brain have convinced us that we like drinking, because then we can talk to people etc. Plenty of other examples like that

Wish you all the best and stay strong!

mecanix

For me drinking comes with all that sickness and frustration , i cannot have one without the other there are always consequences eventually ..

i have probably a maximum of 14,000 days left of life on this planet how many of them should i spend in frustration and sickness ?

having already wasted 8,000 starting ok but getting sicker as an adult …

For me not one more day ..

Take care , m

Fluffer

The nature of addiction is that your thinking mind has been hijacked to support continued use of the drug (alcohol). Even though your rational mind knows that alcohol use is a net loser, the thought of quitting is unbearable. To stop drinking you will need to retrain your thinking about alcohol. There are many resources here on how to do that.

Good luck and welcome!

Weatherman77

I used to think the same thing - but the more time I've had under my belt (today is 5 months!) and the more sober experiences I've had I've come to realize that all social events are as fun, if not more fun, without drinking. I can meet someone at a coffee shop rather than a bar? I can have a Coke at a hockey game? Shocking stuff.

Being alone was hardest at first, because that's where I'd perfected mt staring at the TV or same page at a book for hours while bombed - but that was a sign that there were more productive things to do than that every night.

Being an alcoholic is like being an agoraphobic in a filthy, rotting house. You think you can't make it without the familiar setting, and it is hard at first, but even if you're not skipping down the street every day you still know that it's infinitely better out there.

MelindaFlowers

I used to be terrified of never drinking again until one day it turned to terrified of continuing to drink.

I was scared of blacking out but more scared about my health.

I had a health diagnosis that gave me two options: keep drinking and die and stop and live.

That kinda took the back and forth right out of the equation.

Also, I was going to work everyday feeling so hungover I thought I might have a nervous breakdown. Sweating, trembling hands, extremely high blood pressure. I'll never forget when my dr. Took my blood pressure and called it "stroke level." Stroke level. In case you're wondering, "stroke level" to her was 187/something. I can't remember the bottom number. I do remember the 187 though.

getright15

My health is an issue as well. I'm type 2 diabetic and alcohol does nothing good for that. Goes to show right....the power of the drink! I gotta get it together man. I need to keep it together!!

deadlydame

Each time I get scared about never drinking again, I tell myself: I can never drink again, just for today. Tomorrow, I can drink." It always works. The fear goes aways and I can go on with my day. I even counted minutes until the panic went away. For instance, all of a sudden, I wanted to drink and panicked I couldnt. I tell myself: I cant drink for half and hour. I look at my watch. half an hour passes and it never fails. the emotion passes. the desire to drink passes too.

getright15

Very interesting. I'm gonna try that.

seanie1888

It was a very hard thing for me also, it always led me back to a drink when I looked at it like 'never again'
Thank God I got into AA which showed me not to just drink for today, and today only, tomorrow we will worry about tomorrow when it comes.
The days start to add up.
Maybe just try not to lift a drink today
I wish you well

getright15

When I would drink it would usually be the start of the weekend. Then it would carry on over into Monday maybe a Tuesday depending. My benders have always started by something that made me upset. I'm going to my new therapist next week so I'll talk about some coping skills. Can't drink just because I get angry...ridiculous.

GoesWithTheFlow

About to get my big 3-0 days with out the drink and I still sometimes wonder if I could do without it. But like yourself and others I have several problems, mine range from mental to health. The drink I so very much loved hates me. It shows me a side that many people love ... but hate at the same time. The drink has done a number on my life but luckily I am young enough to recuperate from it still.

I decided to stop and I noticed that my life was stuck in limbo with the drink. With the drink I would only do "fun" stuff but never actually go anywhere in life. It really is the same thing different just a different weekend with no benefit in life whatsoever. Well, I had enough. I chose my life. I felt that if I continued to drink something really terrible would happen and so I quit.

Life is feeling really awesome right now for me and I don't see me going back, even with cravings, anytime in the near future. I am finally more afraid to drink than I am to live without it, as someone else put it.

On another note: I like your avatar!

kk1k5x

I had the same thing. Something upset me and the first thing I wanted to do was to drink alcohol, get that buzz and expect the problem to solve itself. Even though I knew how ridiculous it was, I still did it. Without fail. My problem was that I always tended to argue for 'yes' in the case of whether to drink or not. I then switched and started arguments for 'yes' in the case of staying sober. I think there's a mental difference whether, in our heads, we are supporting either 'not drinking' or 'being sober'. The latter seems to have been the better choice for me. 'Not drinking' is great at the beginning, when that's all you have to do, but later on, unless you bring yourself to support activities that keep you sober, it's very easy to fall victim to AV talking you into drinking again, since the last hangover has disappeared, you haven't created any outstanding problems for yourself for awhile and most likely you have the funds to get 'the drink on' in a 'proper' manner. That has been my experience, at least.

All in all. If something upsets you and you take into consideration all the negative that comes with drinking, picking up the bottle isn't really the solution we're looking for (what I was looking for). It's similar to immediately starting to contemplate the amputation of your entire leg after just hitting your toe against the corner of the coffee-table - instead of just applying an ice-bag or something similar. I hope this metaphor helps to somewhat take the edge off of the 'never again!?' thoughts, too. Because you and I eventually will come to grips with it, we just have to portion into bites we can chew.

All the best

Kevin78

I try not to think of that thought. For me, it's a day to day thing. I find if I worry about never drinking again, The chances are I will, And I have.

Best thing to do is get through the day on a daily basis and so on.

1 week sober for me today.

getright15

That's pretty much what I've been doing...one day at a time. Really felt like knocking back a few last night but didn't. I felt like having a few beers today just because I was bored, but I stayed away.

Congrats on your week as well. I know how hard it is man!