How do you come to grips with NEVER drinking again??
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
Once I made the decision, I mean, at the point where I really surrendered to the fact that I will never drink again, it was a huge relief. I spent years trying to control my drinking, changing things here and there, constantly lying to myself because deep down, I knew that I had a problem with drinking since I first started drinking.
Thinking about anything in such black and white terms as "never" or "forever" is daunting. At the beginning I literally broke it down into seconds, or breaths that I would not drink. Now a year and two months in, it is not daunting. I think of it like an allergy. If I had a strong peanut allergy, I wouldn't stress over the fact that I would never eat peanuts or peanut products again. I would do ever thing in my power to stay away from them. In the same vein, I know that if I drink my life will be turned upside down into chaos (at some point, maybe later, maybe sooner); as such, I abstain, so as not to aggregate the "allergy."
Thinking about anything in such black and white terms as "never" or "forever" is daunting. At the beginning I literally broke it down into seconds, or breaths that I would not drink. Now a year and two months in, it is not daunting. I think of it like an allergy. If I had a strong peanut allergy, I wouldn't stress over the fact that I would never eat peanuts or peanut products again. I would do ever thing in my power to stay away from them. In the same vein, I know that if I drink my life will be turned upside down into chaos (at some point, maybe later, maybe sooner); as such, I abstain, so as not to aggregate the "allergy."
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It emerges over time. I now don't want to drink. I'm glad I don't drink. I'm happier not drinking, have peace of mind and don't wake in the morning with that dreaded fear.
I don't feel I'm missing out or losing out by not drinking. I have a better life. I do consider myself boring at social functions but that's nerves a lot of the time. I'd still rather be boring and nervous than be the drunken fool.
It does get better and your life will change as you get sober till sober becomes the new normal
I don't feel I'm missing out or losing out by not drinking. I have a better life. I do consider myself boring at social functions but that's nerves a lot of the time. I'd still rather be boring and nervous than be the drunken fool.
It does get better and your life will change as you get sober till sober becomes the new normal
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Weatherman77 
Being an alcoholic is like being an agoraphobic in a filthy, rotting house. You think you can't make it without the familiar setting, and it is hard at first, but even if you're not skipping down the street every day you still know that it's infinitely better out there.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I didn't read all the posts. ..but I couldn't cope with the idea either. So I took it one day at a time....instead of forever. Day by day those days added up to significant time and now it's easier for me to think in longer terms. I just passed one year. ..you can too, try one day at a time!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: US
Posts: 637
At first I just had to focus on making it thru the day so the long term goal didn't seem so impossible. Slowly things changed as the days of not drinking rolled along. I went thru the stage of even obsessing a bit on not drinking. That was 2 years ago. Now if I see a bottle or glass of drink I only think about the problems it caused for me or don't think anything about it. Someone posted it earlier, I'm just glad I never have to drink again. "Giving abstinence a chance" was valuable advice I read here. Find whatever works for you and keep doing it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I stopped framing the issue like a loss. I GAINED a better life. Focusing on the not drinking part is like winning the lottery and focusing on the $1 you lost buying the ticket.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by Della1968
I prefer to think of it as "I never have to be in a jail cell again" or "I will never willfully let my loved ones down again"
Similarly:
-I never have to be hungover again
-I never have to worry about remembering what I said or did last night (I'm sure I'll still say and do stupid things, but better to remember them and not have to play detective to figure it out, or just go on forever fearing the unknown)
-I never have to come up with a BS excuse for not scheduling early meetings
-I never have to worry about booking an early flight home (the cheap flight!) from a wedding or weekend away because I know I'll be too drunk/hungover to wake up at 5AM
-I never have to wake up in a hospital bed again with no clue how I got there
-I never have to worry about planning out where I'll buy my booze to make sure the cashier at a given liquor store doesn't think I'm an alcoholic.
-I never have to worry about checking my outgoing text messages and emails in the morning to make sure I didn't write something stupid (which I have shockingly avoided doing during my years of drinking)
-I never have to be out with friends and figure out how to sneak in a few extra drinks since they're drinking two beers an hour and I need like five to get the buzz my brain wants.
-I never need to worry about setting multiple alarm clocks on my phone to remind me to leave a work event before I do something stupid and jeopardize my job.
These are all things I will sign up gladly to never do again. Sure, NEVER DRINKING again is hard to come to grips with it, but the other things are much easier.
I can't think of a single time I later regretted not drinking. I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I think I have arrived at a point where I have had enough. It used to seem an impossible ask to never drink again....afterall, I had largely built my life around drinking. But as the process of recovery starts, you learn about the extent of your problem, and as you rack up some sober days and weeks you begin to change habits. Eventually, it just doesn't seem such a big deal anymore. Recently I relapsed for a week or so and now I just don't care anymore. I just want it gone. Its not scary anymore. I have just had enough.
So its a combination of changing habits, getting educated and reaching a point where to continue is just so awful that you never want to do that again.
So its a combination of changing habits, getting educated and reaching a point where to continue is just so awful that you never want to do that again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by getright15
So today is day 4 for me and I've gone weeks and even a few months before with not drinking. After my last episode that lasted about 3 days I'm having a very hard time looking myself in the mirror and saying "I can never drink again". I like drinking....I hate the problems it's brought for sure, but just coming to grips with that is a tough pill for me to currently swallow.
Just been thinking a lot all day and this was one of the things that crossed my mind.
:shrugs:
Just been thinking a lot all day and this was one of the things that crossed my mind.
:shrugs:
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Like many others who have already chimed in, I just consider myself a "non-drinker". Getting caught up in thoughts of "forever and all time" can really throw you off. Or, in my experience, even thinking about shorter periods of time can throw me off. I can always start another 30, 60, or 90 days if I mess up. But since I don't drink there really isn't much reason to count days (except to satisfy my own curiosity and note changes during different periods of sobriety) or think too far ahead about "not drinking". The fact that I don't drink will pretty much take care of that without my obsessing over it. Leaves me free to focus on other things like...living my life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Think of getting life without parole. Spending 30 years in prison thinking you'll never get out.
Then out of the blue you are pardoned. You are free at last. You don't ever want to go back to that prison. Celebrate your freedom.
Then out of the blue you are pardoned. You are free at last. You don't ever want to go back to that prison. Celebrate your freedom.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Dear folks,
How do I come to grips with never drinking again? Frankly, I do not think I have come to grips with this question. I know I am determined not to drink in this moment, or in the next few hours.
At this moment I doubt I can make it through life without ever getting high on something. My recent failure at quitting has shaken what little confidence I might have had.
Mel
How do I come to grips with never drinking again? Frankly, I do not think I have come to grips with this question. I know I am determined not to drink in this moment, or in the next few hours.
At this moment I doubt I can make it through life without ever getting high on something. My recent failure at quitting has shaken what little confidence I might have had.
Mel
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