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-   -   Telling my parents I need help (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/360854-telling-my-parents-i-need-help.html)

themadone 03-01-2015 05:41 PM

Telling my parents I need help
 
Hi people,

This problem has not so slowly crept on me; . I have always had a problem with alcohol, ever since I was 12 years old. I used to get terribly sick off alcohol. They say it is a good sign of an alcoholic if they are intolerant to alcohol. It makes sense to me if you still drink after making you sick.
Anyway please listen to what I have to say. Before some of you say "**** you" to my life after I say my position please let me tell you how much pain I am in. I am doing a post graduate degree and I have a great job working in finance from home. I won't apologize for that BUT I am suffering big time. People see me as normal but I am dying inside, I don't know whether it is all to do with alcohol but I am an addict at 23 years old. I go from one horrible binge to another every 2 days. I am starting to crave alcohol so much that it is all I can think about. I blackout nearly every time I drink (so 3 times a week) and I fainted at work the other day (at a meeting embarrassing my boss who put faith in me).
I am going to tell my dad tomorrow, who is a recovering alcoholic of 10 years. I need advice. How do I tell him? he put so much faith me, I can't fail him. And the scariest thing is living without alcohol. Please someone what do I tell my father?

Dee74 03-01-2015 05:45 PM

No ones going to attack you here themadone :)

Be honest is my advice. And take whatever advice your dad may give you, but remember this isn't his recovery - it's yours - you need to do the heavy lifting :)

D

Della1968 03-01-2015 05:49 PM

I think you would only fail them if you continued and didn't try. Parents want the best for their kids and recovery would certainly be best for you from the sound of it.

themadone 03-01-2015 05:53 PM


Originally Posted by Dee74 (Post 5233493)
No ones going to attack you here themadone :)

Be honest is my advice. And take whatever advice your dad may give you, but remember this isn't his recovery - it's yours - you need to do the heavy lifting :)

D

Thank you for replying

I think the problem I have is it will be accepting failure to myself, something I have not done but need to do. I need to become vulnerable to another person. I have lied to myself for to long. Even girlfriends I have hide it from. But I am young so I get away with it.
I dad had a slightly different problem to me. He would not be able to stop once he drunk. I am the same but now I am starting to become dependent on the stuff. I always told myself I was fine because I was not dependent but the alcohol won in this case. I just don't want it to beat me completely, I want to feel like I did as a child again.

immri 03-01-2015 05:55 PM

hmm I wrote a longer reply but it didn't work. but hi there - I don't have much advice for telling your father other than I think it's a great idea and you should just be as honest and direct as possible
I'm 24 and drank from a similar age and have 2 post grads and also appeared 'normal' to most people even though I was horribly sick, so i certainly relate. I didn't tell my parents, they found out when I started going in and out of hospitals towards the end of my drinking when i was physically falling apart. i definitely recommend telling them, and keep reaching out for help. i'm glad you're here

ANewDayNYC 03-01-2015 05:57 PM

themadone, I'm sorry you are in pain. It sounds like you are ready to quit. Glad you are making the choice to be sober.

Dee74 03-01-2015 06:02 PM

Admitting my alcoholism and getting help was anything but a failure to me.
Recovery has enabled me to become the man I always wanted to be :)

D

Inchworm 03-01-2015 06:02 PM

Welcome, themadone. Just tell him. He probably won't be as surprised as you think. Being sober is so worth it.

themadone 03-01-2015 06:10 PM


Originally Posted by Inchworm (Post 5233537)
Welcome, themadone. Just tell him. He probably won't be as surprised as you think. Being sober is so worth it.

How do you get rid of that clever voice in your head which convinces you to drink?

INgal 03-01-2015 06:16 PM

Oh, Madone, big hugs to you. Do not delay in asking for help. My 25 year old son tried to tell me one time and I really didn't act on it as quickly as I should have. I may have prevented a lot of his problems. The best decision I made was getting him into an IOP where the psychiatrist has put him on Antabuse and is actively trying to see if there are other reasons for his bingeing. He is also a college graduate and did very well in school. However, the bingeing has set him back light years. Good luck to you!

Anna 03-01-2015 06:16 PM

Welcome,

To get rid of the voice that tells you drink, simply recognize it and let it go. It will gradually lessen its intensity and will eventually disappear.

Personally, I think you should worry more about how you plan to stop drinking and recover, than what to tell your father. It would be great to have your father's support, but the main thing is that this is your journey. We do understand how hard this is. :)

least 03-01-2015 06:32 PM

Welcome! :) I agree with Anna. Focus more on what you're going to do for yourself. The voice in your head will grow fainter as you ignore it more. Acknowledge it for what it is: a liar. It's just a thought, and thoughts don't have to become actions.

I'm glad you joined us. You'll find lots of support here. :hug:

leviathan 03-01-2015 06:36 PM

when you tell him, i bet he'll proud of you for it. he prob knows first-hand that it takes some fortitude.

themadone 03-01-2015 06:36 PM


Originally Posted by Anna (Post 5233569)
Welcome,

To get rid of the voice that tells you drink, simply recognize it and let it go. It will gradually lessen its intensity and will eventually disappear.

Personally, I think you should worry more about how you plan to stop drinking and recover, than what to tell your father. It would be great to have your father's support, but the main thing is that this is your journey. We do understand how hard this is. :)

I feel this is the big step though. I can't do it on my own. I agree it is I should worry about how I should do it. But I don't know how. I am so lost. I can't imagine a life without alcohol. I feel powerless. I am terrified. That voice is so god damn clever though.

And thank for all your support it is amazing to hear people who understand.

nymets86 03-01-2015 06:50 PM

themadone, I'm 29, but also work in finance and am also doing postgrad work. And, like you, I don't drink every night, but when I do, I go all out.

I agree it's pretty terrifying to think about life without alcohol. And, like you, I am struggling to confide in my parents, though I think they already suspect it.

So, I don't really have a whole lot of advice for you, other than to say that there are people out there like you. I sorta wish I could rewind to 23 and start this process. I know it would have made my 20s a lot more enjoyable had I not been blacking out routinely and making an arse of myself most weekends and then regretting it all week and spending one or two week nights pounding vodka out of boredom/anxiety/etc

themadone 03-01-2015 06:58 PM


Originally Posted by nymets86 (Post 5233636)
themadone, I'm 29, but also work in finance and am also doing postgrad work. And, like you, I don't drink every night, but when I do, I go all out.

I agree it's pretty terrifying to think about life without alcohol. And, like you, I am struggling to confide in my parents, though I think they already suspect it.

So, I don't really have a whole lot of advice for you, other than to say that there are people out there like you. I sorta wish I could rewind to 23 and start this process. I know it would have made my 20s a lot more enjoyable had I not been blacking out routinely and making an arse of myself most weekends and then regretting it all week and spending one or two week nights pounding vodka out of boredom/anxiety/etc

Wow you have me down to a T mate. I am scared but will keep posted how I am.

nymets86 03-01-2015 07:04 PM

Yeah, it's definitely hard telling parents. Not sure where you are from, but I'm guessing Australia since you said "mate" and it's 2 in the afternoon there.

Anyway, I know that I got in some trouble at school at 18 for drinking, and it was 3 years till I was legal and so I've grown so used to hiding my alcohol use from my parents. They're not dopes though and know something is up. But since I have a good paying job and keep getting promoted and have a high post grad GPA, I don't think they realize the thin ice I am on drinking wise.

Bartacomus 03-02-2015 12:58 AM

We add a level of secrecy to what we do, because we are embarrassed, but you know everyone knew what I was doing. :) The second.. I mean, the next second after I asked for help, my father agreed and was on board.

I think once you get everything out on the table.. you will feel liberated, and also in a stronger position to combat drinking. you obviously are tired of it, you making steps on your own to come here and investigate, getting it out and open.. that's awesome.. and that makes you mighty.

mns1 03-02-2015 01:33 AM

I am glad you are here themadone

Bartacomus 03-02-2015 02:05 AM

..and YOU CAN DO IT!


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