Not sure if I should be here
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
a plan? hell yes.
Without a plan you'll just be lurching from crisis to crisis with no idea of how to deal with situations.
Relapse is pretty inevitable in that situation.
It needn't be War and Peace - just figure out how you're going to stay sober.
You'll need support? what kind?
how can you use it effectively?
what parts of your life need to change?
D
Without a plan you'll just be lurching from crisis to crisis with no idea of how to deal with situations.
Relapse is pretty inevitable in that situation.
It needn't be War and Peace - just figure out how you're going to stay sober.
You'll need support? what kind?
how can you use it effectively?
what parts of your life need to change?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I don't think I've ever seen anyone be turned away from here! Welcome. I'm glad you are here and I hope you can get what you need from here to meet your goals.
I know that I told myself several times in early sobriety/clean time "I can always go back to drinking/using if this doesn't work." I did go back out, but it always got worse for me.
Today I use a combination of programs to stay clean and sober. Not drinking and using for long periods of time has brought me a different kind of life, peace and good things. The minute I pick up, things don't work so well. It doesn't take long for my life to start to crumble. Like you, I don't want to make an a*& out of myself another day of my life.
Today if it might allow me or anyone else to question my integrity, I don't do it. What is amazing is that my life has gotten so much better. Some days still suck but seriously-that's life.
Welcome, I'm so glad you are here!
I know that I told myself several times in early sobriety/clean time "I can always go back to drinking/using if this doesn't work." I did go back out, but it always got worse for me.
Today I use a combination of programs to stay clean and sober. Not drinking and using for long periods of time has brought me a different kind of life, peace and good things. The minute I pick up, things don't work so well. It doesn't take long for my life to start to crumble. Like you, I don't want to make an a*& out of myself another day of my life.
Today if it might allow me or anyone else to question my integrity, I don't do it. What is amazing is that my life has gotten so much better. Some days still suck but seriously-that's life.
Welcome, I'm so glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Realizing that you cannot drink alcohol without severe consequences is important.
That means never. The sooner you embrace this simple fact about yourself, the easier it will be carry on. There is no debate. There are no maybes or 'what ifs'.
Accepting it and putting it behind me were the first parts of the plan for me. Once it became obvious that never drinking again for the rest of my life was what I needed to do, it was simple. What must I do to make sure I never drink again.
If it means avoiding people and certain situations, then I must avoid them. If it means I must avoid participating in things that are heavily associated with alcohol use, the I must avoid them if I am not strong enough to protect myself.
Take a look at AVRT. Maybe something there will click for you cohiba.
That means never. The sooner you embrace this simple fact about yourself, the easier it will be carry on. There is no debate. There are no maybes or 'what ifs'.
Accepting it and putting it behind me were the first parts of the plan for me. Once it became obvious that never drinking again for the rest of my life was what I needed to do, it was simple. What must I do to make sure I never drink again.
If it means avoiding people and certain situations, then I must avoid them. If it means I must avoid participating in things that are heavily associated with alcohol use, the I must avoid them if I am not strong enough to protect myself.
Take a look at AVRT. Maybe something there will click for you cohiba.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Cohiba, I thhink its your AV speaking when you say that this weekend you didn't make an arse of yourself. Sort of qualifying that the binge didn't end in a huge embarassment, so it wasn't bay bad. I know that I do that ALL the time and it talks me back into drinking since it's really the only 1 out of 5 or 10 binges where I do something really stupid.
Fact is, as I think it is for you, that I feel horrible about having lost control. Maybe nobody else saw it or noticed and there's no consequences there, but I know that I'm upset that I lost control of my drinking and basically poisoned my body.
As far as a plan goes, I'm on Day 32 and my plan has been to check in here daily and then make sure I plan for specific events where I know booze will be involved. I haven't yet wrapped my head around for not not drinking ever again, but I can get my head around not drinking today and not drinking this week, and so that's how I'm planning things out.
Fact is, as I think it is for you, that I feel horrible about having lost control. Maybe nobody else saw it or noticed and there's no consequences there, but I know that I'm upset that I lost control of my drinking and basically poisoned my body.
As far as a plan goes, I'm on Day 32 and my plan has been to check in here daily and then make sure I plan for specific events where I know booze will be involved. I haven't yet wrapped my head around for not not drinking ever again, but I can get my head around not drinking today and not drinking this week, and so that's how I'm planning things out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
A plan is absolutely vital Cohiba.
Proper preparation prevents p*ss poor performance right?
Just stopping drinking never worked for me. I'm currently enjoying my longest period of sobriety (almost 2 months) in 10 years. It has involved stepping back from the life I lived and examining it through an objective lens.
It's easy to swear off alcohol in the cold light of day after a mammoth binge. In my eyes, sobriety is built up when the hangover wears off. Every time I approached getting clean with a half-assed attitude, the alcohol took offence, and made sure I paid for my blase attitude.
You can do this, there's no doubt about it, but ignoring your recovery tools when you feel like it won't help one iota, take it from me.
Proper preparation prevents p*ss poor performance right?
Just stopping drinking never worked for me. I'm currently enjoying my longest period of sobriety (almost 2 months) in 10 years. It has involved stepping back from the life I lived and examining it through an objective lens.
It's easy to swear off alcohol in the cold light of day after a mammoth binge. In my eyes, sobriety is built up when the hangover wears off. Every time I approached getting clean with a half-assed attitude, the alcohol took offence, and made sure I paid for my blase attitude.
You can do this, there's no doubt about it, but ignoring your recovery tools when you feel like it won't help one iota, take it from me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Thank you for the messages everyone. My plan is to not go out for the first month as even though I thought I would be fine socializing it seems not. I also want to check in on here everyday.
I feel so depressed I cant really be bothered to right anymore, feel like such a let down and a disgrace to my brilliant family.
Day 2 again
I feel so depressed I cant really be bothered to right anymore, feel like such a let down and a disgrace to my brilliant family.
Day 2 again
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
It's important to accept what happened and move on I think. Getting stuck in feeling bad and guilty really serves no purpose - what's done is done.
Don't miss out on the good things you can do today cos you're still stuck in yesterday.
D
Don't miss out on the good things you can do today cos you're still stuck in yesterday.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Cheers guys I am still so ****** off with myself doing cocaine and alcohol again, the reason I am feeling so depressed is I can tell this problem is spiraling out of control.
It is the cocaine that is the big issue but the alcohol is the trigger to it and I would never do coke sober so I now know the booze needs to stop.
Currently I just cant get my head straight and snap out this depression which is ******* me over as my new job has started and I cant get motivated as my personal life is such a joke.
It is the cocaine that is the big issue but the alcohol is the trigger to it and I would never do coke sober so I now know the booze needs to stop.
Currently I just cant get my head straight and snap out this depression which is ******* me over as my new job has started and I cant get motivated as my personal life is such a joke.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Do you have a regular circle of friends that you are going out with? Or are you a lone wolf? If you have friends you meet up with on weekends to get a little wild.....lose em. Sorry, its the only way in my opinion. I mentioned before, I had a circle of friends that was all kinds of bad news when I was younger. I had to eliminate them 100% from life, and I did. And guess what, things got better. Most of them a few years later ended up doing time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
let me tell you something - yeah imagine my voice is raised.
I had to check out for a while. I won't go into detail. But I had to hide out for a period of time. The people I knew forgot who I was. My social life didn't suck, because there is no way to rate something that didn't exist.
SACRIFCE. What is giving up a small portion of your time/life when the rewards at the end are boundless? If we keep swimming in the fringes and eddies of that whirlpool we will get sucked in and never find our way out. Time to get out of the pool and dry off. Sit on the sidelines for a bit. Maybe when we learn to swim again will it be safe to get back in.
Hope this makes sense.
I had to check out for a while. I won't go into detail. But I had to hide out for a period of time. The people I knew forgot who I was. My social life didn't suck, because there is no way to rate something that didn't exist.
SACRIFCE. What is giving up a small portion of your time/life when the rewards at the end are boundless? If we keep swimming in the fringes and eddies of that whirlpool we will get sucked in and never find our way out. Time to get out of the pool and dry off. Sit on the sidelines for a bit. Maybe when we learn to swim again will it be safe to get back in.
Hope this makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Cohiba, from reading your posts, I am curious as the whether you are trying to cling to the alcohol and blame everything on the coke.
I have limited experience with coke, and must have been doing it wrong because it never seems to impact me much, but I just get the sense you are blaming one substance much more than the other.
Have you ever had episodes of drinking (no coke) that you've completely regretted and felt bad about afterwards?
Maybe I'm off base, but figured I'd ask the question to see if maybe it rings true and can help in your recovery plan.
I have limited experience with coke, and must have been doing it wrong because it never seems to impact me much, but I just get the sense you are blaming one substance much more than the other.
Have you ever had episodes of drinking (no coke) that you've completely regretted and felt bad about afterwards?
Maybe I'm off base, but figured I'd ask the question to see if maybe it rings true and can help in your recovery plan.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 28
New here but an old pro at drugs and alc. i was really good at it!
One thing I've come to know as true is, "bad association spoils useful habits" and "The one walking with the wise will become wise, But the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly.".
But once you take the bad influences away you need to replace them with good ones. Perhaps some outpatient groups and some na or aa meetings.
Sorry if this has been mentioned, I read the first page or so and ...
My experience has taught me, others can infulence you but even when everything around you is great, the addict who is in denial of his problem will find a way to act as an addict.
As tough as my 28 days of rehab were, I learned a ton and after almost 3 months out the things I learned there keep coming back around to prove true.
Get some help, get some knowledge about addiction, and start facing the reality of your actions. Life's to precious to live it wasted.
Wish you the best
One thing I've come to know as true is, "bad association spoils useful habits" and "The one walking with the wise will become wise, But the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly.".
But once you take the bad influences away you need to replace them with good ones. Perhaps some outpatient groups and some na or aa meetings.
Sorry if this has been mentioned, I read the first page or so and ...
My experience has taught me, others can infulence you but even when everything around you is great, the addict who is in denial of his problem will find a way to act as an addict.
As tough as my 28 days of rehab were, I learned a ton and after almost 3 months out the things I learned there keep coming back around to prove true.
Get some help, get some knowledge about addiction, and start facing the reality of your actions. Life's to precious to live it wasted.
Wish you the best
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Yes I do have a close friend group who I regularly go out with at the moment but I can and will not pass the blame to them this weekend they are went to bed at 11pm after the pub it was me that rang everyone I could think of in my phone oil to get some coke and then stay up all night partying. My group of friends do drink and try coke occasional but it's me with the problem and I don't think I would want to end relationships of 15 years.
I know the alcohol is a massive problem the reason I am probably focusing on the Coke more is I never used to do it much but now it seems like a weekly thing and also I never used to feel that depressed after drinking but now I am struggling to go to the work I can't see anything happy in my life. I also am started to really struggle financially which is linked with the coke as its so expensive. I know the booze is still an issue.
I can't believe what a mess I have made of my life at 25 when I have had everything so easy. I still aren't feeling any better even though it's day 3 sober I am currently just thinking what's the point
I know the alcohol is a massive problem the reason I am probably focusing on the Coke more is I never used to do it much but now it seems like a weekly thing and also I never used to feel that depressed after drinking but now I am struggling to go to the work I can't see anything happy in my life. I also am started to really struggle financially which is linked with the coke as its so expensive. I know the booze is still an issue.
I can't believe what a mess I have made of my life at 25 when I have had everything so easy. I still aren't feeling any better even though it's day 3 sober I am currently just thinking what's the point
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 28
Greeting Cohiba, I'm getting ready to head of to an AA meeting right now, but I was thinking about you this morning and wanted to check back in here.
I got clean exactly at your age and then 25 years later I stepped in the pain med trap and loved it until it almost killed me. I considered myself "clean" all that time except that I did drink, and fooled myself into thinking that it was different than the coke, speed, acid, pot and what ever else I was doing when I was your age.
The chemicals in your brain don't know the difference, once you begin to change them into thinking drug induced pleasure equals survival, that's what your brain will seek, as if it a NEED, not a WANT.
I've got to run, but there is a video called "pleasure unwoven", I think it might even be on youtube. I don't buy into the addiction is a disease theory, but I do believe that once you start, you do change the way your brain works, not choice anymore, but the actual chemicals that produce thought. This movie explains it perfectly. It allowed me to see what I was doing in a realistic way. No longer just thinking that I was an "idiot", but that something caused me to start, but once I started it became something different. I needed to stop, get my chemistry straight, then while doing that, address the reason I started so that I didn't do it again.
Your not a bad person, or maybe you are, I don't know you. But I've learned that most addicts have a great person inside that needs to learn how to be that person.
Gotta run - Cheers
I got clean exactly at your age and then 25 years later I stepped in the pain med trap and loved it until it almost killed me. I considered myself "clean" all that time except that I did drink, and fooled myself into thinking that it was different than the coke, speed, acid, pot and what ever else I was doing when I was your age.
The chemicals in your brain don't know the difference, once you begin to change them into thinking drug induced pleasure equals survival, that's what your brain will seek, as if it a NEED, not a WANT.
I've got to run, but there is a video called "pleasure unwoven", I think it might even be on youtube. I don't buy into the addiction is a disease theory, but I do believe that once you start, you do change the way your brain works, not choice anymore, but the actual chemicals that produce thought. This movie explains it perfectly. It allowed me to see what I was doing in a realistic way. No longer just thinking that I was an "idiot", but that something caused me to start, but once I started it became something different. I needed to stop, get my chemistry straight, then while doing that, address the reason I started so that I didn't do it again.
Your not a bad person, or maybe you are, I don't know you. But I've learned that most addicts have a great person inside that needs to learn how to be that person.
Gotta run - Cheers
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I am currently just thinking what's the point
You owe it to yourself to try another way.
Very few of us feel good at the start Cohiba - your body and mind are working overtime to cleanse itself of the posions you ingested.
It may take you a while to feel better...but you will. Give it a chance.
D
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