Not sure if I should be here
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
How's the weekend going Cohiba? I know that for you, like me, the weekend seems to be when the worst of the worst takes place.
For me, I'm up at the time I need to wake up for work since that's my sleep cycle and there's no booze induced slumber to keep me in bed until noon. I'm a bit bored out of my mind, but it's kinda relaxing just reading the newspapers online and reading through here. Also will be able to get a workout in today, which usually never happens on the weekend cuz I'm too hungover.
Hope you are doing well and you check in with us soon.
For me, I'm up at the time I need to wake up for work since that's my sleep cycle and there's no booze induced slumber to keep me in bed until noon. I'm a bit bored out of my mind, but it's kinda relaxing just reading the newspapers online and reading through here. Also will be able to get a workout in today, which usually never happens on the weekend cuz I'm too hungover.
Hope you are doing well and you check in with us soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Thank you for the messages guys, I want to give my apologies for not replying sooner as I wanted to think things over before coming back here.
I lapsed at the weekend hard and feel so ashamed, frustrated and stronger from it. I don't want to make excuses for drinking/drugs but for once feel it was hard to tempt and am back on the road to sobriety.
I had constant calls and texts on Friday from an old school friend trying to make me come out then after an hour of no's he turned up at my house and said look its urgent come with me. It turned out an old friend of ours who has been away for two years had made a surprise return. We ended up having a good night yes drinking but taking it slow. I don't know how but as usual we got cocaine and ended up on a two day binge.
I am feeling paranoid more then usual about things I might have done or said. I just need to stop this. I didnt want to come back on here until I felt a bit stronger and had a plan in place.
Day two sober for me. I am feeling like a failure and the thing I am finding the most is how paranoid I am currently and how alone I feel. I dont usually feel lonley but now its getting bad must be due to the booze.
I lapsed at the weekend hard and feel so ashamed, frustrated and stronger from it. I don't want to make excuses for drinking/drugs but for once feel it was hard to tempt and am back on the road to sobriety.
I had constant calls and texts on Friday from an old school friend trying to make me come out then after an hour of no's he turned up at my house and said look its urgent come with me. It turned out an old friend of ours who has been away for two years had made a surprise return. We ended up having a good night yes drinking but taking it slow. I don't know how but as usual we got cocaine and ended up on a two day binge.
I am feeling paranoid more then usual about things I might have done or said. I just need to stop this. I didnt want to come back on here until I felt a bit stronger and had a plan in place.
Day two sober for me. I am feeling like a failure and the thing I am finding the most is how paranoid I am currently and how alone I feel. I dont usually feel lonley but now its getting bad must be due to the booze.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
Cohiba
I've noticed that every time you relapse, you blame it on external forces, and there's always some event that you HAVE to attend that involves drinking/drugging (the boxing, someone's forcing shots down your throat, work-drinks, friends coming home etc.)
That's called life, and life doesn't just stop for us to sort our sh*t out. We have to do that ourselves, whatever the weather, so to speak.
I hope you decide to start treating yourself better.
I've noticed that every time you relapse, you blame it on external forces, and there's always some event that you HAVE to attend that involves drinking/drugging (the boxing, someone's forcing shots down your throat, work-drinks, friends coming home etc.)
That's called life, and life doesn't just stop for us to sort our sh*t out. We have to do that ourselves, whatever the weather, so to speak.
I hope you decide to start treating yourself better.
Last edited by RunnerBean; 05-11-2015 at 10:40 AM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Yeah, I think the paranoia over what got said/done while under the influence gets worse and worse. In my late teens/early 20s, it bothered me, but nowhere close enough to get me to think about quitting. Maybe quitting for a week or something, but not permanently. As I moved to my mid/late 20s, those feelings just got worse and worse as I realized I wasn't being a responsible adult at all by drinking to the point where I blacked out.
I think the fact that you relapsed two consecutive weekends and it got out of control both times is a pretty clear indication that you, like most people on SR, don't have that off switch.
And to Runner's point, I think you'll find more success if you don't blame others for pressuring you or blaming the situation. I know when I've screwed up, it ultimately was deliberate. Maybe not planned out well in advanced, but it was always eventually a conscious decision of "fu(k it, I'm going to drink."
It's good you are back on here. Last summer after I built up some sober time, I iust left this place altogether after first drinking again and then within about two months with some limited success at moderating, I was right back into my same bad habits and just hating myself for it.
I think the fact that you relapsed two consecutive weekends and it got out of control both times is a pretty clear indication that you, like most people on SR, don't have that off switch.
And to Runner's point, I think you'll find more success if you don't blame others for pressuring you or blaming the situation. I know when I've screwed up, it ultimately was deliberate. Maybe not planned out well in advanced, but it was always eventually a conscious decision of "fu(k it, I'm going to drink."
It's good you are back on here. Last summer after I built up some sober time, I iust left this place altogether after first drinking again and then within about two months with some limited success at moderating, I was right back into my same bad habits and just hating myself for it.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I had to change my life Cohiba - cos my old one had too many drugs and booze in it.
I guess the question is how much are you prepared to change to stay sober?
D
I guess the question is how much are you prepared to change to stay sober?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Please close this thread admins I'm done posting here.
If all people want to do is point out faults I am trying to deal with its not worth me being here. I know I make excuses but withou them I doubt I could start again.
I admitted I'm lonely and struggling and all you lot did was point out that I make too many excuses, need to change my life or write messages the covering it all but don't have the balls to leave them there. I'm not the type of person who shares usually and this site helped I have been honest from day one NOT A SINGLE LIE WHEN I LAPSE MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE ACTED LIKE ITS ALL GOOD AND I HAVNT DRUNK OR SNIFFED A DROP THIS WEEKEND.
NYmets and kkris cheers for your help since I have been here you have followed with the messages and I appreciate it.
i need some time away from here, obviously lapsing too many times isn't what anyone wants round here.
Ciao
If all people want to do is point out faults I am trying to deal with its not worth me being here. I know I make excuses but withou them I doubt I could start again.
I admitted I'm lonely and struggling and all you lot did was point out that I make too many excuses, need to change my life or write messages the covering it all but don't have the balls to leave them there. I'm not the type of person who shares usually and this site helped I have been honest from day one NOT A SINGLE LIE WHEN I LAPSE MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE ACTED LIKE ITS ALL GOOD AND I HAVNT DRUNK OR SNIFFED A DROP THIS WEEKEND.
NYmets and kkris cheers for your help since I have been here you have followed with the messages and I appreciate it.
i need some time away from here, obviously lapsing too many times isn't what anyone wants round here.
Ciao
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 6
Oh man, I understand the social aspect of drinking all too well. I'm going to reveal something that is really hard to do but it's absolutely necessary if you want to live a healthy life: you need to find a new group of friends. It's such a difficult thing to do, and it will be filled with drama in the short-term, but in order to move in a positive direction, you need to surround yourself with people who also want to move in the same direction.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
I'm sorry I haven't been around the last couple of weeks but life has been so busy with the weather and birthdays and family and stuff so I've been online the last 2 days and only just finished reading to the bottom and your last post.
OMG I seriously thought you'd decided to hang around here for a bit! Hope you see this message Cohiba, I was about to share my life story but don't think it's appropriate but feel free to PM or pop back here....
I just saw myself in your last post and my new-self is jumping up and down battering the stupid beastie shouting such nonsensical self righteous garbage.
Have you looked into AVRT?
The weather is just right for a refreshing drink in the garden with a ciggy (still not kicked THAT habit into touch!) so I will sign off by wishing you the best of choices for your life and save the life story for another occasion.
Keep on keeping on x
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
OMG I seriously thought you'd decided to hang around here for a bit! Hope you see this message Cohiba, I was about to share my life story but don't think it's appropriate but feel free to PM or pop back here....
I just saw myself in your last post and my new-self is jumping up and down battering the stupid beastie shouting such nonsensical self righteous garbage.
Have you looked into AVRT?
The weather is just right for a refreshing drink in the garden with a ciggy (still not kicked THAT habit into touch!) so I will sign off by wishing you the best of choices for your life and save the life story for another occasion.
Keep on keeping on x
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,707
Originally Posted by Cohiba
Please close this thread admins I'm done posting here.
If all people want to do is point out faults I am trying to deal with its not worth me being here. I know I make excuses but withou them I doubt I could start again.
I admitted I'm lonely and struggling and all you lot did was point out that I make too many excuses, need to change my life or write messages the covering it all but don't have the balls to leave them there. I'm not the type of person who shares usually and this site helped I have been honest from day one NOT A SINGLE LIE WHEN I LAPSE MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE ACTED LIKE ITS ALL GOOD AND I HAVNT DRUNK OR SNIFFED A DROP THIS WEEKEND.
NYmets and kkris cheers for your help since I have been here you have followed with the messages and I appreciate it.
i need some time away from here, obviously lapsing too many times isn't what anyone wants round here.
Ciao
If all people want to do is point out faults I am trying to deal with its not worth me being here. I know I make excuses but withou them I doubt I could start again.
I admitted I'm lonely and struggling and all you lot did was point out that I make too many excuses, need to change my life or write messages the covering it all but don't have the balls to leave them there. I'm not the type of person who shares usually and this site helped I have been honest from day one NOT A SINGLE LIE WHEN I LAPSE MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE ACTED LIKE ITS ALL GOOD AND I HAVNT DRUNK OR SNIFFED A DROP THIS WEEKEND.
NYmets and kkris cheers for your help since I have been here you have followed with the messages and I appreciate it.
i need some time away from here, obviously lapsing too many times isn't what anyone wants round here.
Ciao
is it the thought of changing your life that's freaking you out?
D
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,099
Cohiba, I apologize if I offended you. I am glad your honest about yourself on here because if you weren't then what is the point of being here anyway.
I wish you the best of luck in trying to stay sober, it is tough and not easy. We all are going through it just like you.
I wish you the best of luck in trying to stay sober, it is tough and not easy. We all are going through it just like you.
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