Day 4 not giving up
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 193
Day 4 not giving up
My head is still cloudy forgive me if I ramble but I feel the need to connect somehow. I was looking through my journal at Feb. 11 which was my day 3 at the time. Wish I could say I was sober since but I can't. Between then and the 26th, I had a bad stretch of 3-5 day binges in between that I spent my time in withdrawals/hungover. I cured those by deciding to drink again.
During the withdrawal times all I could manage was minimal self care and I just read all I could about addictive voice and positive stories of those who are making it. I discovered the stories section here and they were a big inspiration to stop again.
I have taken drinking off the table as an option and nothing is off the table about supporting this decision. My addictive voice has way more means of tricking me than I initially thought by piggy backing everything from despair of the past, negative self image, fear of the future, to just tiring out my rational mind entirely, etc. Hearing people say that these emotions are going to come back is somewhat comforting because it helps me understand this early process isn't unique and that thousands have done it.
I'm trying to be more accepting of myself starting from day 1 and it's finally stuck that I can and will be a non-drinker. I'm feeling grateful for what I haven't lost yet and the support I do have around. Unlike other times where I purely focus on the negative, how alone I am, etc. which always leads to nothing but drinking.
My short term plan is to take care of myself physically and treating this as a detox, while continuing on my longer term plan of using social support to improve personal issues that my AV can use against me easily.
Sorry for the length and I don't mean to sound like I have it figured out or because I obviously don't. But I do feel motivated more now than I ever have at this stage. Thank for everyone posting and this site being constant motivation. Even just reading it a lot of times is my rock.
During the withdrawal times all I could manage was minimal self care and I just read all I could about addictive voice and positive stories of those who are making it. I discovered the stories section here and they were a big inspiration to stop again.
I have taken drinking off the table as an option and nothing is off the table about supporting this decision. My addictive voice has way more means of tricking me than I initially thought by piggy backing everything from despair of the past, negative self image, fear of the future, to just tiring out my rational mind entirely, etc. Hearing people say that these emotions are going to come back is somewhat comforting because it helps me understand this early process isn't unique and that thousands have done it.
I'm trying to be more accepting of myself starting from day 1 and it's finally stuck that I can and will be a non-drinker. I'm feeling grateful for what I haven't lost yet and the support I do have around. Unlike other times where I purely focus on the negative, how alone I am, etc. which always leads to nothing but drinking.
My short term plan is to take care of myself physically and treating this as a detox, while continuing on my longer term plan of using social support to improve personal issues that my AV can use against me easily.
Sorry for the length and I don't mean to sound like I have it figured out or because I obviously don't. But I do feel motivated more now than I ever have at this stage. Thank for everyone posting and this site being constant motivation. Even just reading it a lot of times is my rock.
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