mecanix

I think it's quite a big assumption that after a 20 year drinking career one would be able to be with the right person to have children with or be in a long term relationship .

Certainly i missed out on all that , my decisions were poor all the way along and i'd not grown much as a person right up until and after i'd given up .

Responsibilities of a greater magnitude just made me want to seek escape even more .

How many years of your life are you willing to throw away in the pursuit of drinking ?
Took me 20 baffling years of half achieving stuff that i didn't care about as compared to getting drunk .. i'd not recommend taking that long as that as you might not be as lucky with your health and stuff ..

Oops i sound like an old fogey now i'll just shuffle off and keep quiet

Take care , m

kk1k5x

Pursuit of drink, I take that notion in two ways. Whilst, yes, drinkers are after the same thing, calling it pursuit does not feel on point at times. It has become automatic without being the case where vital organs are shutting down. I'm aware of the fact that this would eventually be the road I'd be trodding down, but this hasn't solidified in my thinking just yet, I think. And the other way of taking 'pursuit of drink' is just that - every which way the alcohol affects your life, where to get the money if your jobless, how to cover up hangovers when you need to be at work/in school etc. That is the pursuit of drink. Although I'm of the opinion that people aren't chasing alcohol, they are chasing the delusion that comes with it. That perceived warm and fuzzy feeling that you might have experience when you were buzzed the first time. That escape, essentially.

Problem with staying dry is losing the motivation of a killer hangover/accident/personal drama that fuelled the quit in the first place. The younger and more 'middle of the road' person you are, chance exists that most of the 'drama' fades away in a week. Not from you mentality or experience, but from your active memory, meaning you stop mulling it over and move on. Unfortunately, this usually changes nothing about your drinking habit (it didn't for me)

Why I started this topic is just that reason. Younger people are more fearless (and reckless in their decisions) inherently, I think. Not that someone older cannot be, but if you do a certain activity for long enough, you feel the drawbacks and no the potential consequences more precisely, even if admittance is not yet on the table. For me, for the longest time, 'being young' pushed anything else aside.

As to the responsibilities of a greater magnitude. I still think its a valid argument - not for everyone - but I as a younger person tend to think that way. 'If I'm hurting anyone at all, it's just me, not my kid and family' etc. I know this is bollocks, but its what the brain does - it finds a way, as long as your body can take it.

Thank you all for your replies

bossybutt

I am in the very early stages of stopping, I have to do it one, for my health. I have developed anorexia, nueropothy, IBS, inability to walk well even when sober, all believed to have some relation to my drinking, not to mention the drinking all night then not remembering conversations or plans made the following day and my husband thinks I've lost my mind. My homes a mess, my personal self is a mess because I'm so weak and shaky I hate getting in the shower or tub for fear of falling out or not being able to get up. I'm just sick of being sick like someone else said. I know not drinking will not clear up all my problems but it can't hurt. The shakes and anxiety are the worst right now. Good luck to you!

biminiblue

If you continue to be a heavy drinker, or even a twice a week binge drinker, do you think you have even a chance at finding a decent person to marry? You don't mention a girlfriend (boyfriend?) - but I can say I would not marry a heavy drinker or someone who does drugs. You may find yourself with not much choice when it comes to a mate.

No one wants to become an alcoholic. Guess what? You don't get to choose, it just happens. I could have quit before there were consequences. If I had known the exact day and date I would become alcohol dependent, I would have quit the day before. No, I wouldn't have.

At some point, a fun drinking life in the 20s becomes an out of control life threatening problem - and no one sees that invisible line coming at them until it is in the rearview mirror and so much damage has been done that it's difficult to recover.

I started drinking at 14. Legal age was 18. I drank all through my 20s with the same attitude you have. When I hit 31, my life was an absolute mess. I had married an alcoholic/drug user. Of course I did, I surrounded myself with people like me. Who else was going to put up with it? I cannot express to you the drama and pain involved in just that relationship. Getting out, I sobered up and changed my whole life around.

You'll have to hit some point where you are ready to stop.

I pray it is before the insidiousness of alcohol makes it a life or death proposition.

OnMyWay7

High liver enzymes

PurpleKnight

Crossing the line of WANTING a drink to NEEDING a drink, that scared the hell out of me, and one day sure enough I woke up and realised I had crossed it, I knew I was on a downward spiral that would progress with disastrous consequences.

Now there was one thing realising there was a problem, it's another thing doing something about it, and for a long time I continued to drink and things progressed, great intentions would always come to nothing, a week or so Sober here or there but nothing longterm.

However as things got worse before my eyes, the urgency to do something became more important, the reality of ending up in a box way before my years was becoming increasingly likely and so I got my act together, accepted the problem, put in the necessary work to make Sobriety happen!!

Notmyrealname

I ran out of denial, looked at myself with clear eyes for the first time in awhile and man I was so damn disappointed, realized things would get worse and not better unless things changed. Then I got over the irrational fear of sober life.

I used to get drunk and not worry about things in my life I didn't like. Now I work on fixing those things. Fixing things is often a lot of work -- definitely more work than grabbing a twelve-pack at the store and bringing it home -- but the self-respect is nice.

Mel12

Dear Kkik,

Thanks for the interesting post which has caused this great thread. The below has been my experience, which diverges a bit from your theory:

EXCELLENT REASON TO KEEP USING #1: I am young, strong, and without significant responsibilities.
EXCELLENT REASON TO KEEP USING #2: I am an established adult with heavy responsibilities and relationships to which I am totally committed.
EXCELLENT REASON TO KEEP USING #3: Everything is going great.
EXCELLENT REASON TO KEEP USING #4: I have a problem.
EXCELLENT REASON TO KEEP USING #5: [Write anything here.]

No matter what the initial conditions, the output was "keep using." Realizing that my mind had become an insane tautology of this sort, and recognizing the obviously grim end of this tautologous road, I decided to quit.

Mel

sg1970

I decided to quit when putting a bullet in my head rather than living without alcohol seemed like a good option. I wouldn't recommend getting to that point.