ArtFriend

That is how I feel these days...DULL. Dull in all senses of the word. In my short quest for sobriety, I have either alienated my friends and/or become so boring that they are bailing on me. I started to notice around the holidays... it has become apparent that my transformation into a sober person has become an issue. No one says it out loud, but I can read between the lines. I still have a few close friends who I've known forever... but the circle is closing in. Kinda sux.


You all are a wonderful support for me, no doubt. But virtual versus in vivo (my attempt at alliteration) are quite different. Do you know what I mean?

Respectfully,

Dull in Dallas

strategery

I dunno. Are they really your friends? Are they willing to do other activities other than things that involve drinking, or is it one of those things that drinking is always involved?

True friends will support you in every endeavor. It may be possible that they are more party pals than true friends.

Kris47

Friend,

You're just feeling flatlined right now. I think almost all of us felt that way for a time. We were so used to feeling high, numb, or insane, that it will take your emotions time to settle back into a normal pace. I am just starting to feel like myself again and it is a beautiful feeling. It's not everyday but I am beginning to feel right in my skin again. Just be patient, kind to yourself, try new things and soon you'll start feeling alive again. It'll happen! Promise................. With anew you will come new friends, new beginnings, new hobbies and a new sense of you.

PurpleKnight

How about starting a few new hobbies/interests Art?

New things will mean meeting new people, an expanding social circle, for me starting or rekindling old interests was a great way to meet new people!!

itstheone

Make it undull! You don't just simply stop drinking. Those who are successful build new lives that most certainly includes revised circles..do something, get out and explore with all your dullness

ArtFriend

One thing about drinking is that it uninhibited me. I wasn't dancing on the tables with lampshades on my head...but I was more approachable. I am actually a pretty shy person and very reserved. So it is hard for me to meet people. They have to work hard to get through my wall (not fair to them). When I drank, my wall was more porous. I imagine there are many here who are like me.

Mark1014

I very much relate to your last post ArtFriend. The first thing that made me feel drawn to drinking was the way it made me feel free and relaxed socially...but of course, I ended up in shackles and am having to learn sober socialization now that I've broken free from alcohol. I'm naturally reserved and have been told more than once that I can seem aloof. The truth is, I always drank a little before social occasions. So I guess it's only normal to be struggling..I know that a couple of my neighbors must wonder where I've been. No patio fire pit drinking for me this winter. I think it'll get better though...and I am excited about the new chapters ahead!

Nonsensical

Admirable alliteration, Artfriend.

ArtFriend

Touche'

OnMyWay7

Yeah - I'm feeling boring but also kind of growing. I'm getting into yoga and zen stuff - who would have known. So yeah I'm boring but I'm not sure I mind it... I can't tell yet.

ANewDayNYC

I had drinking nights where I lost jackets, phones, or fell asleep on subway and woke up in dangerous areas. Other nights I have gotten sick or acted belligerent. Being "dull" would have been a better option.

instant

On balance alcohol is not a personality improving drug.

I have found I had to change and grow in sobriety. It takes time and work, and did involve me learning having to deal with how to relate to all the people who knew me as a drinker.

I now have hobbies and activities I am involved in- I catch up over coffee, breakfast more than boozy dinner parties. The people I mix with accept the choice I make, and I have been heartened that for all the good friends it's no big deal.

it is hard initially but it is worth it- and coming up four years I have no desire to go back

GnikNus

Initially I experienced the dullness, but it has given way to a life lived more fully and deliberately. The dullness from no alcohol has passed.

Mags1

Hi Arty.

I hid behind the bottle, gave me bravery, made me happy, every day was a holiday! Until the regrets, embarrassment etc.

I also felt it was alien not to have a drink in my hand.

I've grunted and growled on here with frustrations through my early days and then some other days, but each day sober improves your well being, your clarity, your life.

I've told two friends I don't drink. I've still got their friendship.

Instead of being the life and soul of the party, I'm dull and boring.....Suits me just fine.

It will change for you, Arty, life will pick up.x

lunar

Learn to love the real genuine you,
not the false you whom your AV
wants you to be.

Thepatman

Hi Artfriend!

Your thread tittle got my attention. ;-)

This will be a long shot, since I never met you in person. Alcohol allowed me to come out of my shell and not care what people think of me. I now realize I was never shy, just afraid to be myself out of fear of being judged.

This time around, my sobriety is about me, people that don't like me, in life or on SR is not a concern to me. I am loud, funny, and don't have much class. I eat with a spoon because it goes faster.

So just be yourself, whatever your personality is, let it out, if your loud, be LOUDER!! Your friends don't like you, flush them fast, family don't like you, flush them.

And no matter what, just Rock on!!!!

nymets86

ANewDayNYC, I've fallen asleep on the subway at least a half dozen times. Woken up at either the last stop or some rough neighborhoods. Once I woke up in the hospital. It's a really crappy feeling. I'm amazed that nobody has ever stolen my wallet. And it's a pretty low feeling when I come to, still pretty drunk, as the sun is coming up and I have a 45-minute subway ride home.

In many ways, I think living in the city and never having that threat of a DUI is a curse. It's sort of like a green light to just get hammered and not have to be responsible enough to get home. The subway and taxis are always running. When I get hammered, my default setting is cabs, but it's not always easy to get them on busy nights and that's when I wind up passed out on subways. Ugh.

sugarbear1

that dullness is just a stage of recovery and will pass, especially if you are doing some kind of internal work on you

doggonecarl

I've learned to take people's perceptions of themselves with a grain of salt. Meaning, we are usually a poor judge of ourselves.

You've described yourself as such a great listener that people, complete strangers even, unburden themselves to you. You have said you are so empathetic to people's problems that it causes you issues. That seems at odds with the walled-up person you are describing above.

I think we become what is fitting for the situation. You have become boring and friendless...why? Since the non-boring, undull Artfriend drank, I can't help but wonder if you are just working yourself up to drink.

ArtFriend

Nope actually I am a very good judge of myself. I am very good at introspection and I perceive myself accurately.

Not at all. I am a very good listener and this is not at odds with me being shy and reserved.

I am not boring...I just feel that way. And I am not friendless.

Nope. Your logic doesn't extend here.