Isolation
 

Five months in recovery. Doing pretty good for the most part. going through paws but they are getting better. so happy to be sober my last months of drinking and using were a pure hell... baker act, close to an alcohol overdose... I was ready to stop. I have a serious program: 90 days rehab, IOP, therapy, AA, NA, step work, DBT, yoga, acupuncture. I am sure that this time is not like any other times. I want this and it feels good. my only concern right now is that I still tend to isolate still. now my excuse is that i don't want to be around people who drink and that I don't know anyone anyone. The truth is that I make no effort in socializing. when using, my tendency was to isolate. the tendency seems to be there still even sober. did anyone have the experience and any comment advice will be appreciate.

Well done on 5 months!

I personally realized I am the type of person that is not big on socializing. I like being alone the same sober as I did drinking. My sobriety is not threaten by this, so it's all good.

Isolation for me lead back to drinking, I needed something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thoughts to make Sobriety work!!

For isolation was the enemy, support and having a community to keep me focused was the holy grail!! :)

I waited a few months before I could be around drinkers again deadlydame, but I wasn't a hermit...

I reconnected with old friends, resurrected old hobbies, had coffee dates and other meetups, and I did some volunteering to get me connecting with humans again :)

there's no need to go at anything other than your own oace :)

I think I isolate by nature and right now when I am done with work for the day and groups I like my quiet time. I interact on here and right now that is working for me socially.

I hope you find peace in the quiet and then start getting out there if you want it.

You don't have to isolate. I think isolation will only lead back to drinking. What are some things you enjoy doing? Look to see if there are any clubs. I met more people not drinking than when I used to drink.

I used to think it was a negative thing that I isolated and think it was a defect that I got my energy from alone time. Being social exhausts me so I take my by myself time serious nowadays. What changed things for me was coming here to SR, hearing about an author named Susan Cain who has a book out called:
"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking"
Now I accept that I am in fact an introvert, and I am not doomed to drink if I spend time alone.
She has an excellent Ted talk out there too. Here is the link.

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

I'm almost 3 months clean and I too can "feel" that this time is different. I have learned so much here, and really want it this time. I have no reservations about using this time and feel really strong.

Congrats on your 5 months!

Interesting to me that the responses so far are so polarized.

To me, there’s a distinct difference between isolation and solitude.

Isolation is avoiding people because of your fears, anxieties, or resentments. Unhealthy.

Solitude is choosing to be alone because you truly feel happier and more at peace in your own company. Healthy.

Sometimes I feel both ways and it’s hard for me to differentiate.

I don't like socializing at all. I have always been that way. Drinking made me socialize because I couldn't on my own, and I thought I was supposed to. I have totally accepted I am a deep thinking introvert who sits quietly and takes in others' conversation.

Jennifer

I agree with Justincredible about introversion -- the Susan Cain book has some good stuff in it. But as my former sponsor says, "Sure, people are the problem. Too bad, they're the solution too."

As an introverted pretty much lifetime user, I both was solitary and isolated. Consequently, I'm socially inept -- the only people I communicated well with were bartenders. I'm having to learn basic normal sober human interpersonal skills, taking baby steps.

Do you have a sponsor? Do your AA/NA groups do fellowship? Appalling as it may seem, the whole going-out-for-coffee-with-other-people-in-recovery is actually a good way to get your feet wet in sober society.

I have a sponsor, go to AA and NA, have my network and work on steps. I relapsed so many times for not listening and not taking seriously the suggestions that this time around, I am making sure to follow them.

Good. My personal standard is, if I substantially interact with at least one other human being every day -- waiters & cashiers & cabdrivers don't count -- I've not shut the world off. So I have permission to shut myself in for the rest of the day.

:wavey:

Love all your answers guys. these help a lot. You are correct. I need to separate between isolation and solitude. Would also love to check the link. I heard some people in the past telling me that i would relapse if i keep on isolation but what if i am not and if i am instead someone who enjoys solitude. so great remarks everyone. It helps me a lot. have a great day

:You_Rock_

I am an introvert and isolate all the time. And making social efforts is emotionally draining to me but I make the effort because I usually feel better after (not always, just usually lol)

My sponsor had me call people because of this tendency, so maybe get a phone list and call other people who may be quiet?

I have to interact with people heavily in my job. I'm also a major introvert. By the end of the day I'm exhausted from what I would call mindless chit-chat. Depression from alcohol most likely further made me look inwards to escape the voices of normies. So if it helps, I have spent many years feeling isolated and depressed. I know as an introvert I need "solitude" to recharge my batteries, but I also need social interaction to feel whole.

I'm glad Susan Cain's book came up. That book was a game changer for me because it was the first time I saw my introversion as a strength and not a weakness. Heavy drinking and drugs was what it took for me to "enjoy" socializing, partying and feeling at ease in groups.

I do have the benefit of a spouse to avoid isolation, but I am grateful for my introversion. It makes it easy to avoid alcohol. Also, embracing me for who I am has allowed me to focus on the largely solitary pursuits that have been a big help in rebuilding a sober life, i.e. reading, meditating, cooking, studying toward the next level of my professional designation, etc.

There are also ways to be introverted and still enjoy being around people and interacting with them.....art museums, classical music concerts, reading at a coffee shop, online forums, online book clubs, etc.

I recently had a great stay at a vacation resort that caters to people who want a quiet stay away from the hustle and bustle of a popular tourist area. Someone complained in an online review that they didn't have a pool bar, and their response was that they didn't have a pool bar because that type of traveller wasn't their target audience!

I will definitely look into this book. thanks all for the advice