anattaboy

So, look for another one.

Boater62

Your therapist has her approach to addiction, and I suppose if you don't agree with her then you should seek another. I've found that many mental health professionals play the numbers and believe an addict will relapse without rehab, meetings, etc. Statistically they're right, but you're an individual, different from all others, and have to decide what's best for you.

Congratulations on the two months. That's big.

Notimetoloose

It is a very interesting response....I am thinking there is a lot more going on...This has been your therapist for a while...it is impossible to say what is going on in her life as well.
Clearly you are looking for some guidance and wanted her input....
I totally understand your strong reaction to her message...I don't have anything to offer you except I had a similar reaction over 30 years ago from a professional I was seeking help from..I had a drug addiction and I was trying so hard to change my life...the harsh response that I received propelled me into a very insightful place, helping me to get of the drugs permanently...
I hope you are okay, 2 months is wonderful and you have done that. congratulations...

Straightshoot

My husband always says someone graduated at the bottom of the class. It is possible that your therapist may not be your best fit, as all I have read that you have written shows what an intelligent person you are. You have described the heartache of caring for a beloved relative, I have been there, and it is not easy. Your plate seems to be full and this added burden from your therapist seems not to be helpful. I wish to join others here in congratulating you on your two months sobriety.

Tonks

I think this sums it up perfectly. Well said.

trachemys

^^This. All Doctors are all practicing. And they practice on us.

PurpleKnight

First off I don't use AA, but I achieved Sobriety, so no there are other paths to success!!

However you need to be prepared to do something, continuing to do the same things and not changing up your life/routines/habits is not going to produce results, along with revolutionising my life and making some tough decisions on what activities to get involved in and what people to hang out with, I also needed to build a system of support to make it work!!

Sherlock5

A jab like that works for some people, it motivates them, for others it does not. Maybe use your sober mind and think about whether or not she is still a good fit for you. It is possible to shift or grow from therapists and its OK!

Della1968

I personally think it was very unprofessional of her to leave all of that on a voice mail. But once you get past that I think you look at your relationship with her. If she has helped you then calmly explain that you have been sober and you have some things in your life right now that you need to work through so you don't turn to alcohol. If she hasn't been much help then find someone who will be. BTW there are no hopeless cases

FourSeasons

((( AO ))) I too think this is extremely unprofessional as well. Did you have a good relationship with her? Does she know what is going on with you and your Mother? Does she know you have 2 months under your belt? Doesn't matter... I already don't like her!

SoberLife90

Go to AA, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Guaranteed your life won't get worse because of it!

MemphisBlues

Well, Alph, you joined SR in 2011 and say you have two-months sobriety, so that math tells me your therapist of a couple years might be onto something.

Addiction is a pernicious disease and if you haven't tried the 90 in 90 thingy, at least it is somewhat of a new approach.

I sort of scoff when I see someone post above that you have two months and certainly don't need AA.

And, yeah, AA can be hard to swallow, but just based on behavioral change the chances might be on the sobriety side of the coin to do a few months of meetings.

alphaomega

I'm still in shock.

I desperately need a place to unload my grief. Someone who knows my history. And can help me process this SOBER. My greatest fear (my mother dying) is happening. Presently and in my face. There is no escaping this reality and it is more than an I can honestly bear.

I thought I was doing the right thing by advocating for myself.

I returned her call. She let it go to voicemail . How I remained so calm is a mystery to me.
I explained my situation. My sobriety and I let her know that I was heartsick at her approach.

And as far as HER being "frustrated" ??!?!? Well let me just give that a big, fat, GIVE ME A FLAKING BREAK. She's a THERAPIST for gods sake. Do your job. Damn it.

I'm not sure I am capable of processing this situation right now. I'm not going to AA (right now). I have tried it in the past, it triggered me. But I am open to it in the near future. I just don't want that. At the present it is a NO. I have tried it. Multiple times. I don't care for it. And with a 5% success rate, well.....

I thought a therapists job was to meet their clients where they are ?

Now my blood is boiling and I have to reserve my energy for tomorrow at the hospital, which based upon what I have read from the tests she will be facing, will be hell on earth.

Thanks everyone for the insight. I'm truly in gratitude.

Rosalba

I can't really comment on your therapist, but I would mention that Robin Norwood, who wrote some brilliant books on codependency used to work as a therapist to addicts and alcoholics, many of whom had been referred to her by the courts.

She mentioned that after years and years of working with these groups and not once being able to help someone maintain sobriety for more than a couple of months, she was invited to an open AA meeting by someone who told her "Well, if you're going to work with us alcoholics, you might as well come and see how we get well."

She was so impressed by the meeting, and how AA attendance had managed to achieve something which she never had, that she then made it a condition that any of her clients attend the appropriate 12-Step group. Eventually she couldn't in all honesty maintain her therapeutic practice because the genuine tools for recovery had been given to her for free.

I've had a great deal of therapy; it was very useful for working out family of origin issues and many other things. However, while I've never been a substance abuser, I DID have a long-standing pattern of unhealthy relationships and therapy never made any difference.

However, CoDA and Alanon did... and they're free!

wehav2day

I really don't think recovery is ever one size fits all. Personally, I had to try dang near every approach.

Hard to tell what's up with the therapist, yeah a call back is in order. Honesty and clarity is the way to go I tend to think.

I wouldn't really let what she said repel you from aa or make you go for her either. Like I said, I threw all the **** to the wall until something stuck. In the end, the steps did give me the long term freedom from booze that has helped me the most. There are many ways to get there, though. As long as we are honest, open and willing.

ru12

I'm in the 'tell her to go pound sand ' camp.

If what you are doing is keeping you sane and sober keep doing it.

alphaomega

Hang on. I Got a little more to get off my chest before I lay me down to sleep. .
(And thanks, in advance, for letting me rant.

You know, it chaps my hide that she interprets my addiction as the single most defining aspect of my life.
I mean, if that's it, just that, why not pull up the PTSD and simply demand I get over that too ?
Or the lifelong anxiety and Agorophobia ?
Or my codependency towards my mother (aka unconditional love).
Or the fact that I'm one hell of a mother raising a child that has been offered full rides to 5 colleges.
Or that I gainfully employ 12 people.
Or that I'm walking with my husband through his own failures.
Or holding my best friends hand through her cancer.

Those aspects are just as much a part of me as this GD addiction is.

I am more than this alcoholism. Far more.

Shame on her for shoving me in that box, labeling it "Addict", and shelving it.

Screw that. This is absolutely ridiculous. She's the failure because she gave up.

I'm still fighting.

courage2

I respect all you've gone through, AO. Yes, you, like all the rest of us, are more than your addiction.

Unfortunately, the equation isn't simply one of addition. One doesn't tot up a sum (not even a sum plus a bonus for "more than the sum") by combining one's pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses. As you well know. There are threshold values, gatekeepers, and deal-breakers. Parts of the equation are contingent on other parts being present -- or absent. There are mortal sins and saving graces.

IMO, active using -- and I know you have 2 months sobriety, but that's still very early recovery -- gets in the way of pretty much everything else. When I was using, I literally couldn't tell whether I was suicidally depressed or just alcoholic. I had to stop the alcohol for an entire year before I began to know. I'm being very honest here. It took me an entire year of sobriety to begin to realize what if any psychological treatment I needed, and which of my issues were just effects of my using.

I'm not saying you need to follow your therapist's advice blindly or go to AA or rehab. But perhaps there is something in the idea that until you've actually worked for a sustained period on a program of recovery (not just staying dry), you're at the very least in danger of relapse, and your other issues will be obscured by unresolved addiction issues.

And -- and I'm going to try to put this gently -- you do have a personality that tends towards drama. (You know you do.) Drama can be an attention-distractor as well as an attention-getter. It can make everyone, you included, look at the wrong thing. Is it possible, even remotely possible, that your alcoholism is leading you to blow up some other life issues to make you careless and distract you from focusing on your sobriety?

EndGameNYC

Hi alpha. I'm very sorry for your troubles.

I don't generally comment on other therapists' work unless there appears to be imminent danger for the patient or I otherwise have a good reason to do so, and especially when I have very little context to work with.

Your comments from the post I quoted indicate to me, among much else, that you have a strong attachment to your therapist. Otherwise, your anger at her recommendations would be much less intense. I'm also thinking that people don't contact their therapists after a period of separation if something meaningful didn't occur in their previous work. You contacted her for a reason or reasons, some part or parts of which you may not be fully aware. I'll leave that part at that.

As for the section I typed in bold, none of those conditions you mention, alone or together, is nearly as lethal as your addiction. Your addiction can very directly kill you, and it's possible that you could take someone with you in the process.

From another post, you stated that it's the therapist's job to meet the patient where she is. I won't debate this in terms of priorities on the part of the therapist, except to say that our most prominent concern is or should be the safety of the patient, right up there with the therapist surviving the treatment intact. Also, it seems that you and your therapist differ as to "where you are" at the moment, and as others have suggested, it would be a good thing for both of you to discuss this in person.

You're in one of those awful cycles in which it seems as though everything is going against you, and you likely feel under attack by your own feelings at times, maybe most times. I know what that's like, and my heart goes out to you.

itstheone

she must be a member, LOL. I am not going to comment much as i will get in trouble..