I'm back... need to try sobriety again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
I'm back... need to try sobriety again
Hi everyone,
So.. I'm back. I have been drinking way too much for the past several months, after short stints of sobriety here and there ranging from a week to about a month. I always cave in and end up picking up a 12 pack of beer on the way home from work and it snowballs from there.
I absolutely need to make it work this time though. The past few months, I have been paying attention to just how much "fun" drinking is for me. I almost always drink alone, watching sports or You Tube music videos, when my fiance and kids are gone to bed. I drink 12 beer or so, then go to bed. If I have to work the next day, it's pretty brutal. I have the spins and feel nauseous and never get any work done whatsoever. Drinking just isn't fun for me anymore, and in fact it hasn't been for quite some time. So why do I still do it? I kept racking my brain to try and find out the answer to this question. And then, finally, it occurred to me - I don't drink because I like the feeling of being drugged, instead, I drink to escape being sober for a little while. Why do I do this? It's like an escape, a room within my head, where I have the ability to enter and close the door behind me, and temporarily escape from my life. Which is great, by the way. I have so much to be thankful for, I have a beautiful fiance, two beautiful children, nice house, great job, etc., etc., etc. Why do I feel the need to escape from this sometimes?
Maybe there's no answer to this question. I have to believe that somehow realizing this, though, will make quitting more do-able. You know? Like a breakthrough in therapy or whatever. The thing is, I'm 35 years old, and I've been progressively getting worse with the drinking since I first started. We all know it's a progressive disease, and I'm case-in-point. I'd be here all day listing all of the incredibly stupid, dangerous, and just moronic things I've done throughout the years while drunk. It changes me into a different person. I am a "happy drunk", but I don't really think that matters much. Things that I would never consider doing while sober I have no problem doing while drinking. I feel that I know right and wrong, but I just don't care about that. It's weird. A chemical confidence.
Anyway, I am ready to make the change into sobriety. I'll take it one day at a time like I'm sure many of you are quick to advise. I have advantages when it comes to quitting drinking all over the place. My fiance has a medical condition which basically means she is unable to drink (if she does, she gets very sick). I moved recently so all of my "drinking buddies" live in another city, far away, so there won't be any pressure from anyone to drink. My family drinks, but I can easily avoid social situations with them or if I do, it won't be strange to go there while not drinking (i.e. I can say I'm driving or I have the kids or whatever). Basically, there is no excuse I can use to continue along this destructive path.
One of my problems is that I am fine for the whole week, thinking about drinking yet able to prevent myself from doing it, and then Friday hits and I feel good about it being Friday and the weekend is coming up and then I get this almost unbearable craving. My mood changes and unless I concede and accept that I WILL drink that evening, then things turn negative. I'm not as happy or something. Having a few sober days in a row really makes me a positive and happy person, but it's like if I realize I can't drink, these positive vibes almost reverse, in a way. Or when I wake up on a Saturday morning and think to myself "I can't drink tonight", I won't have as much fun during the day on Saturday doing whatever it is that I am doing. It's like I don't have that "reward" at the end of the day, but if I look at it logically and objectively, as I mentioned above, is it really a reward? I already said drinking isn't fun anymore. I always drink alone so it's not social. I never (literally never) wake up the next morning and think to myself "Man I'm glad I drank last night!". It's always regretting my decision to drink. I don't know.
So I plan to use this forum as support. And I plan to be more active and join the February class to hopefully meet some (digital) people and share some experiences. I like reading the Newcomers Forum. I like reading about the successes. I also like reading about the failures, not because I wish anyone ill will, but because I try to use these experiences to help me in my journey. I feel positive right now. I'm only on day two - I've averaged around 3 days drinking per week, but I would certainly do more if I felt my fiance would be okay with it. If I lived alone, man, I'd be drinking more often than not I'm sure. It needs to stop.
Thanks for listening.
So.. I'm back. I have been drinking way too much for the past several months, after short stints of sobriety here and there ranging from a week to about a month. I always cave in and end up picking up a 12 pack of beer on the way home from work and it snowballs from there.
I absolutely need to make it work this time though. The past few months, I have been paying attention to just how much "fun" drinking is for me. I almost always drink alone, watching sports or You Tube music videos, when my fiance and kids are gone to bed. I drink 12 beer or so, then go to bed. If I have to work the next day, it's pretty brutal. I have the spins and feel nauseous and never get any work done whatsoever. Drinking just isn't fun for me anymore, and in fact it hasn't been for quite some time. So why do I still do it? I kept racking my brain to try and find out the answer to this question. And then, finally, it occurred to me - I don't drink because I like the feeling of being drugged, instead, I drink to escape being sober for a little while. Why do I do this? It's like an escape, a room within my head, where I have the ability to enter and close the door behind me, and temporarily escape from my life. Which is great, by the way. I have so much to be thankful for, I have a beautiful fiance, two beautiful children, nice house, great job, etc., etc., etc. Why do I feel the need to escape from this sometimes?
Maybe there's no answer to this question. I have to believe that somehow realizing this, though, will make quitting more do-able. You know? Like a breakthrough in therapy or whatever. The thing is, I'm 35 years old, and I've been progressively getting worse with the drinking since I first started. We all know it's a progressive disease, and I'm case-in-point. I'd be here all day listing all of the incredibly stupid, dangerous, and just moronic things I've done throughout the years while drunk. It changes me into a different person. I am a "happy drunk", but I don't really think that matters much. Things that I would never consider doing while sober I have no problem doing while drinking. I feel that I know right and wrong, but I just don't care about that. It's weird. A chemical confidence.
Anyway, I am ready to make the change into sobriety. I'll take it one day at a time like I'm sure many of you are quick to advise. I have advantages when it comes to quitting drinking all over the place. My fiance has a medical condition which basically means she is unable to drink (if she does, she gets very sick). I moved recently so all of my "drinking buddies" live in another city, far away, so there won't be any pressure from anyone to drink. My family drinks, but I can easily avoid social situations with them or if I do, it won't be strange to go there while not drinking (i.e. I can say I'm driving or I have the kids or whatever). Basically, there is no excuse I can use to continue along this destructive path.
One of my problems is that I am fine for the whole week, thinking about drinking yet able to prevent myself from doing it, and then Friday hits and I feel good about it being Friday and the weekend is coming up and then I get this almost unbearable craving. My mood changes and unless I concede and accept that I WILL drink that evening, then things turn negative. I'm not as happy or something. Having a few sober days in a row really makes me a positive and happy person, but it's like if I realize I can't drink, these positive vibes almost reverse, in a way. Or when I wake up on a Saturday morning and think to myself "I can't drink tonight", I won't have as much fun during the day on Saturday doing whatever it is that I am doing. It's like I don't have that "reward" at the end of the day, but if I look at it logically and objectively, as I mentioned above, is it really a reward? I already said drinking isn't fun anymore. I always drink alone so it's not social. I never (literally never) wake up the next morning and think to myself "Man I'm glad I drank last night!". It's always regretting my decision to drink. I don't know.
So I plan to use this forum as support. And I plan to be more active and join the February class to hopefully meet some (digital) people and share some experiences. I like reading the Newcomers Forum. I like reading about the successes. I also like reading about the failures, not because I wish anyone ill will, but because I try to use these experiences to help me in my journey. I feel positive right now. I'm only on day two - I've averaged around 3 days drinking per week, but I would certainly do more if I felt my fiance would be okay with it. If I lived alone, man, I'd be drinking more often than not I'm sure. It needs to stop.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
In my opinion, you don't really need to figure out why you have the compulsion to drink, you just need to stop. I'm better off getting out of my head and focusing on what needs to be done. You will need a plan that covers what you will do in place of drinking. Gotta fill that void with something. Now sounds like a great time. Welcome to SR.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ClearMind 
One of my problems is that I am fine for the whole week, thinking about drinking yet able to prevent myself from doing it, and then Friday hits and I feel good about it being Friday and the weekend is coming up and then I get this almost unbearable craving. My mood changes and unless I concede and accept that I WILL drink that evening, then things turn negative. I'm not as happy or something. Having a few sober days in a row really makes me a positive and happy person, but it's like if I realize I can't drink, these positive vibes almost reverse, in a way. Or when I wake up on a Saturday morning and think to myself "I can't drink tonight", I won't have as much fun during the day on Saturday doing whatever it is that I am doing. It's like I don't have that "reward" at the end of the day, but if I look at it logically and objectively, as I mentioned above, is it really a reward? I already said drinking isn't fun anymore. I always drink alone so it's not social. I never (literally never) wake up the next morning and think to myself "Man I'm glad I drank last night!". It's always regretting my decision to drink. I don't know.
The thing is, there is discomfort in early recovery. It has to be pushed through. You have to muster your integrity and stand firm on your decision to quit, regardless of how "negative" your mind tells you you'll feel if you don't drink.
As to "why" you drink, maybe it helps to know. I'm not sure. Why you can't stay quit? There's something having some insight on could help. In the end, alcoholics drink. Period. Even when we hate it. But we can quit too.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 13
Oh I know that Friday feeling so well.....welcome to the site and good luck....we're all going through it together and this site does help soooo much with just putting it out there how you are feeling as so many people just dont understand how big a change this is.....but it's all for the good :-)
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by ClearMind
I drink to escape being sober for a little while. Why do I do this? It's like an escape, a room within my head, where I have the ability to enter and close the door behind me, and temporarily escape from my life. Which is great, by the way. I have so much to be thankful for, I have a beautiful fiance, two beautiful children, nice house, great job, etc., etc., etc. Why do I feel the need to escape from this sometimes?
Originally Posted by ClearMind
One of my problems is that I am fine for the whole week, thinking about drinking yet able to prevent myself from doing it...
I was either drinking or thinking about drinking every day. In my 30s I could refrain most days. In my 40s I could not. Why was I thinking about drinking every day? Because I am addicted to it. The desire for alcohol in an addict defies rational explanation. I kept looking for a rational explanation for escaping from my very good life when none exists - except that being addicted to alcohol creates uncontrollable thinking (obsessing) about it. I drank to stop thinking about drinking.
You can't think your way out of alcohol addiction. You can't control your mind to make the desire for alcohol go away. The addiction originates in part of the brain that does not take it's marching orders from the part that generates rational thoughts. The addiction can't be reasoned with. It can't be educated. It can't be threatened, coerced, shamed, or negotiated with. It must be starved.
Fortunately, the part of the brain that buys beer and pours it in your face does take orders from the rational thought center of the brain. You have absolute control over that.
I starved my addiction and I no longer think about drinking every day. I never knew I was a slave until I was free.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I had the same question when I first came here. My life is fantastic, why do I need to escape from it?
You've actually answered your own question.
I was either drinking or thinking about drinking every day. In my 30s I could refrain most days. In my 40s I could not. Why was I thinking about drinking every day? Because I am addicted to it. The desire for alcohol in an addict defies rational explanation. I kept looking for a rational explanation for escaping from my very good life when none exists - except that being addicted to alcohol creates uncontrollable thinking (obsessing) about it. I drank to stop thinking about drinking.
You can't think your way out of alcohol addiction. You can't control your mind to make the desire for alcohol go away. The addiction originates in part of the brain that does not take it's marching orders from the part that generates rational thoughts. The addiction can't be reasoned with. It can't be educated. It can't be threatened, coerced, shamed, or negotiated with. It must be starved.
Fortunately, the part of the brain that buys beer and pours it in your face does take orders from the rational thought center of the brain. You have absolute control over that.
I starved my addiction and I no longer think about drinking every day. I never knew I was a slave until I was free.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
You've actually answered your own question.
I was either drinking or thinking about drinking every day. In my 30s I could refrain most days. In my 40s I could not. Why was I thinking about drinking every day? Because I am addicted to it. The desire for alcohol in an addict defies rational explanation. I kept looking for a rational explanation for escaping from my very good life when none exists - except that being addicted to alcohol creates uncontrollable thinking (obsessing) about it. I drank to stop thinking about drinking.
You can't think your way out of alcohol addiction. You can't control your mind to make the desire for alcohol go away. The addiction originates in part of the brain that does not take it's marching orders from the part that generates rational thoughts. The addiction can't be reasoned with. It can't be educated. It can't be threatened, coerced, shamed, or negotiated with. It must be starved.
Fortunately, the part of the brain that buys beer and pours it in your face does take orders from the rational thought center of the brain. You have absolute control over that.
I starved my addiction and I no longer think about drinking every day. I never knew I was a slave until I was free.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Gonna starve my addiction too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
"You can't think your way out of alcohol addiction. You can't control your mind to make the desire for alcohol go away. The addiction originates in part of the brain that does not take it's marching orders from the part that generates rational thoughts. The addiction can't be reasoned with. It can't be educated. It can't be threatened, coerced, shamed, or negotiated with. It must be starved".
This:
DD
This:
DD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by ClearMind
Drinking just isn't fun for me anymore, and in fact it hasn't been for quite some time. So why do I still do it? I kept racking my brain to try and find out the answer to this question. And then, finally, it occurred to me - I don't drink because I like the feeling of being drugged, instead, I drink to escape being sober for a little while. Why do I do this? It's like an escape, a room within my head, where I have the ability to enter and close the door behind me, and temporarily escape from my life.
You also need to stay away. The benefits outweigh the buzz.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Philadelphia PA
Posts: 28
Good luck, Clear. I'm right there with you. I know what you mean about that Friday craving - in a way it's like you're rationalizing a "deserved" reward for making it through the week. My DOC is blow and Friday after work I would like a wind up toy first hit the liquor store to get the hooch to soften the come down and then head straight to the dealer. Doing it on Friday made it feel like I didn't have to recite my speeches to myself about how much I'll hate it in the aftermath. After all, it's the weekend. A weekend spent miserably sacked out with no motivation to do anything except sleep off the hangover and think, "Maybe I'll just get some more." And then another set of days that could have been better spent doing enjoyable, productive, and healthy things of my own choice is gone.
I'm with you on this. I want to get back to being the person I know I'm capable of being.
I'm with you on this. I want to get back to being the person I know I'm capable of being.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Originally Posted by Jillian2563
I recently asked myself this question. And I don't know if there is an answer either. I think a lot of it may be habit, emotional or mental issues, etc. I'm on day 4 and feel great. Like you, I usually get to Friday and think I can "reward" myself for not drinking. But then I drink and neglect my family to watch mindless tv and smoke. It's stupid. So stupid. I don't have any intentions on drinking this weekend. But it will be hard. But I have to do this for ME and my FAMILY.
You also need to stay away. The benefits outweigh the buzz.
You also need to stay away. The benefits outweigh the buzz.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: minocqua, WI
Posts: 20
What I have learned and repeat in my head over and over...from A.A. "remember, we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful" I had to admit that I am powerless over alcohol and I can NOT have even one, ever. A.A. is saving me daily! the meetings, the people, the power....I could not do this alone.
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