Why is life so unfair?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ipaidwithmylife 
Hi, I know I've made tons of posts, ever since I joined this site, last Friday and I truly hope, that it's not getting too annoying.
For now, I just wanted to set up a random rant, about how unjust the universe really is, in the sense that alcohol, which I always believed to be a wonderful, harmless thing, has totally screwed me up. How could something which made me forget my troubles be so bad for me? Why doesn't the healthy stuff cause you to feel that special little buzz?
I feel so stupid now, not having listened to people who loved me, when they said it messes with the brain. I couldn't stop, it made me feel so much better: daring instead of shy, confident instead of unsure. It helped me write chapters for my stories: it brought out my creative side.
I Always believed myself to be somewhat intelligent and now, since one final drinking session two months ago, it's down the drain. I wasn't strong enough. I let the booze win. I hate myself!
Again, I'm sorry for this, I just needed to vent. And thanks for the massive encouragement, I already received.
For now, I just wanted to set up a random rant, about how unjust the universe really is, in the sense that alcohol, which I always believed to be a wonderful, harmless thing, has totally screwed me up. How could something which made me forget my troubles be so bad for me? Why doesn't the healthy stuff cause you to feel that special little buzz?
I feel so stupid now, not having listened to people who loved me, when they said it messes with the brain. I couldn't stop, it made me feel so much better: daring instead of shy, confident instead of unsure. It helped me write chapters for my stories: it brought out my creative side.
I Always believed myself to be somewhat intelligent and now, since one final drinking session two months ago, it's down the drain. I wasn't strong enough. I let the booze win. I hate myself!
Again, I'm sorry for this, I just needed to vent. And thanks for the massive encouragement, I already received.
Welp, I could blame the universe for me putting alcohol down my throat, but I played the blame game for a long time with no good results.
The universe didn't put any of the drinks into my hands, to my lips, ad into my stomach. I did that. Not the universes fault.
I had a LOT of people in my life bring up my problems with drinking- what it did to me when i drank.Between being in denial and thinkin I knew what was better for me, I kept on drinking.
Through a LOT of work, I have a LOT of healthy things that give me and even better buzz than alcohol ever could.
Walking my dog and watching him play.
Watching my 18 month old great nephew and playing with him.
Good walk in the woods.
Helping someone else.
I can relate to the self hate. I had a Crapton of that when I got sober. I thought I wasted a lot of years of my life in a bottle. All the signs over the years but I didn't stop drinking.
I'm an alcoholic. That's what alcohol was supposed to do to me.
But then I surrendered.
And have won the war.
And no longer hate myself. But that took quite a bit of work.
Take it easy on yourself. Yer not a bad person, just sick.
I've seen may,many lives be rebuilt and even better than before.
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