Man on my dating site said he doesn't trust a woman who doesn't drink
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by chiquen81 
I'm 32 so I can't wait that long. I'm too old.
I've got disco clothes in my closet older
jkSounds like this gentlemen and you don't share the same habits.
Online dating
Does online dating work? Let?s be honest: We have no idea. - The Washington Post
In reality, dating sites are most effective as a kind of virtual town square — a place where random people whose paths wouldn’t otherwise cross bump into each other and start talking. That’s not much different from your neighborhood bar, except in its scale, ease of use and demographics. But in terms of actual function, the things we think of as uniquely “online” in online dating — the algorithms, the personality profiles, the “29 dimensions of compatibility” — don’t appear to make too much of a difference in how the enterprise “works.”
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 41
find someone who doesn't drink, they are out there! and don't hide it either. I found a wonderful girl that don't drink and I love it, she knows my past too.
Before I met her, I had met an individual who loved drinking and we didn't click well. I told her my past too, heck I could drink circles around her. And yes, we are boring, in the eyes of those that drink. But whatever, been there done that got the doctors autograph at the ER.
We don't need alcohol to live. Im a better person than i ever was without drinking. I love to live and i live to love.
Before I met her, I had met an individual who loved drinking and we didn't click well. I told her my past too, heck I could drink circles around her. And yes, we are boring, in the eyes of those that drink. But whatever, been there done that got the doctors autograph at the ER.
We don't need alcohol to live. Im a better person than i ever was without drinking. I love to live and i live to love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Parkman OH
Posts: 114
In my opinion online dating is a joke. I tried it in the past and can honestly say it is disappointing in general.
With the internet I see a large suffering of people in actual social situations. Before I quit drinking I would make fun of everyone in a bar all sitting there with their faces planted in their phones worried about who said what on facebook. But it isn't just there, I see it in AA meetings too. As alcoholics, with all our defects and fears, is it healthy to be more worried about what is happening in cyber space then what is right in front of us?
Really it is just a way to hide from real life, a newly sober person really needs to be taking care of them selves instead of looking to drag someone else into their mess. Having 4 months sober myself I know I am still a wreak emotionally, it would be unfair to drag someone else into it no matter how much better I am today then when I was drinking.
I think all of us go into a lonely place in our heads and hearts without the alcohol to numb it. I do, and when I do the desire for another that can be a companion through it is strong, real strong. What good would it be, when I am just getting to know myself, to drag someone along for the ride that as I get to know me may be nothing like what I want in my life. Not fare to them at all.
We are alcoholics, addicts, we want it all now, instant gratification, but that will do nothing in working to be sober till we learn to be happy with ourselves.
With the internet I see a large suffering of people in actual social situations. Before I quit drinking I would make fun of everyone in a bar all sitting there with their faces planted in their phones worried about who said what on facebook. But it isn't just there, I see it in AA meetings too. As alcoholics, with all our defects and fears, is it healthy to be more worried about what is happening in cyber space then what is right in front of us?
Really it is just a way to hide from real life, a newly sober person really needs to be taking care of them selves instead of looking to drag someone else into their mess. Having 4 months sober myself I know I am still a wreak emotionally, it would be unfair to drag someone else into it no matter how much better I am today then when I was drinking.
I think all of us go into a lonely place in our heads and hearts without the alcohol to numb it. I do, and when I do the desire for another that can be a companion through it is strong, real strong. What good would it be, when I am just getting to know myself, to drag someone along for the ride that as I get to know me may be nothing like what I want in my life. Not fare to them at all.
We are alcoholics, addicts, we want it all now, instant gratification, but that will do nothing in working to be sober till we learn to be happy with ourselves.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
I am going to chime in here and say loose the guy. I never been on a dating site however I meet my Husband in a chat-room called "The worst date ever" He was 21 and I was 23. So I know online dating worked for me, but it isn't for everyone. We been together for 15 years now!! Whoop Whoop!!
If you want a guy who doesn't drink and have things that our common with you, then that is what u need to put on your profile.
Looking for a man who doesn't drink but can still have fun going for coffee, movies and so on!! Or you can also say you are a Recovery Alcoholic
Good luck with seeking your dream man
If you want a guy who doesn't drink and have things that our common with you, then that is what u need to put on your profile.
Looking for a man who doesn't drink but can still have fun going for coffee, movies and so on!! Or you can also say you are a Recovery Alcoholic
Good luck with seeking your dream man
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
This guy sounds toxic and sends up all sorts of red flags for me. You don't need someone like that in your life and I would block him.
It's better to be and stay single than to be with a guy who makes your life miserable.
It's better to be and stay single than to be with a guy who makes your life miserable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Barefootjunker - I agree with your social commentary. The irony is I'm posting this on a smartphone. All I can say is this next generation that is growing up glued to the mobile Internet, is going to have a much higher harder time dealing with reality. Sorry to hijack thread.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
He sounds a bit immature, a bit like a college kid "MOAR BEER" lol.
I have a dating profile incidentally, and it gets no interest basically...
My tagline is '50 shades of grateful', well I thought it was good & topical!
I have a dating profile incidentally, and it gets no interest basically...
My tagline is '50 shades of grateful', well I thought it was good & topical!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
In my experience, people who say similar things in relation to dating are usually quite insecure. Not necessarily with a drinking problem per se, but not confident enough in their ability to handle meeting someone new, going on a date, sex, whatever... without intoxication and/or getting the partner buzzed.
I met quite a few people online (dating site and other websites) and had a bunch of interesting experiences. To me there isn't much difference between meeting online, or in a museum, park, class, whatever social event -- it's just the beginning. I would say if you are not comfortable with someone, part from them and find someone else. Other that that, I agree with others who said probably this time is better for you to focus on cementing your sobriety for a while.
I met quite a few people online (dating site and other websites) and had a bunch of interesting experiences. To me there isn't much difference between meeting online, or in a museum, park, class, whatever social event -- it's just the beginning. I would say if you are not comfortable with someone, part from them and find someone else. Other that that, I agree with others who said probably this time is better for you to focus on cementing your sobriety for a while.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Braintree
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by chiquen81
He asked me out for drinks (he is 38 years old) and he said "can i take you for a drink or two". I said that I do not drink.
His reply was "wasn't it ernest hemingway who said 'i never trust a man who does not drink' and maybe that applies to women as well".
Then I said "oh I used to be able to drink people under the table, I just am more health conscious now. do you drink a lot?"
He said "depends on how much i'm working. on the weekends i do, i have a HUGE social life."
*rolls eyes*
I have 27 days today and I am starting to become one of those people who looks at people who drink and laugh about it as evil/other alcoholics. But how can you really tell? You can't. He does mention drinking a couple times in his profile and all of his photos are him at bars. When you stopped drinking did you point your finger at other people and say "ALCOHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "HE IS ONE!!!" or did you get worried about people who mentioned drinking as weekend activities and become accusatory? I'm wondering if this is normal.
His reply was "wasn't it ernest hemingway who said 'i never trust a man who does not drink' and maybe that applies to women as well".
Then I said "oh I used to be able to drink people under the table, I just am more health conscious now. do you drink a lot?"
He said "depends on how much i'm working. on the weekends i do, i have a HUGE social life."
*rolls eyes*
I have 27 days today and I am starting to become one of those people who looks at people who drink and laugh about it as evil/other alcoholics. But how can you really tell? You can't. He does mention drinking a couple times in his profile and all of his photos are him at bars. When you stopped drinking did you point your finger at other people and say "ALCOHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "HE IS ONE!!!" or did you get worried about people who mentioned drinking as weekend activities and become accusatory? I'm wondering if this is normal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by chiquen81
Ok he just replied. He said to my coffee and dinner comment "yeah, it's just not what I'm used to. i'm looking for friends with benefits actually" BYE
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Like all dating, you need to find someone who likes you for who you are, trying to fit yourself in around someone else's ideals or criteria is not a great way forward!!
Be yourself and find someone who likes you, don't loose any sleep over the rest!!
Be yourself and find someone who likes you, don't loose any sleep over the rest!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Originally Posted by chiquen81
I'm 32 so I can't wait that long. I'm too old.
If his social life is so huge, why is he on a dating site? Was the "just hoping to get lucky" site all filled up?
You deserve better.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chiquen81
I'm 32 so I can't wait that long. I'm too old.
But I don't think I'd date a woman who says this. It says to me someone who is needy and not comfortable with themself.
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