Sunsetred

Has anyone seen the effects of their drinking gradually effecting their kids more and more! My daughter is only 8 and showing anger and upset and feelings i'm sure she doesn't understand towards me because of my drinking. I have promised her I will stop and I have every intention of doing so now, but will things get better? Will she forget? And can I fix the damage I've done? It's making me so heartbroken knowing I've messed her up in this way!

sva777

You can always start over. Forget no but accept and grow yes. You must stop though.

Nonsensical

1. I have every intention of stopping
2. Will she forget?
3. Will things get better?
4. Can I fix the damage I've done?

One of those things is directly in your control. I recommend working on that one first.

Nowsthetime

Hello:

The only way this will get better is to stick to your promise. If you do, she will learn a valuable lesson and respect you. Children are like sponges and they absorb everything, specially energy.

Don't beat yourself up about the past, your AV will use it against you, but really commit to making the present better.

That's one of the reasons I finally got sober, my precious little person that I made. I really wanted to be the mother I wanted to be. It just took me making those changes and making it happen. Being a parent is hard and nobody is perfect... Most important: don't just say and promise. Show with your actions.

serenityfreedom

There are no problems that drinking won't make worse. You have to do this for yourself first. If you only do it for anyone else, including your daughter. You will probably find yourself sneaking and trying to hide it. That's just been my experience. In order to help others we must help ourselves first. You can do this, look how many of us have. one day at a time. Nonsensical makes sense. The only thing you have control over is you. I wish the best for you and for your daughter.
peace-Jonathan

Ambush1256

I couldn't think of a better reason to quit, today, than to do so for the sake of your child. She is young enough to forgive and to learn to trust in you again. You will need to give her a reason to regain her trust by quitting drinking and maintaining sobriety. Broken or unfulfilled promises will only continue to make her feel insecure. It will take time but you can fix this relationship. Their is no time like today to begin rebuilding your life.

Esspee

You can't change anything that has happened. All you can do is do your utmost to stop drinking and then see how things progress from there.

You need to see how your daughter reacts to a 'sober you' before knowing how things have affected her. Me son used to be cross (sometimes amused) at some of the things I said or did but you could not meet a much more level headed, down to earth, take it all in his stride teenager than he is.

TroubledJoe

I can't think of much better motivation to stop drinking.

No matter how much you love your kid and are the best parent ever while sober, drinking too much will mess your kid up.

I know because I am one of those kids. Please do it for her sake. You'll both be much happier if you're sober.

Jen73

Hello Sun,

I have a 4 year old and 14 year old, my 4 year old doesn't know much but he knows the different behavior I had when I was drinking. My 14 year old knows it all and she knows the right and the wrong what I did.

She goes to counseling to cope with her feeling about me, and she goes to Al-teens which she really like the program that they have there.
Its going to take a while, the first think is to keep your promise and stop drinking. That would be the first thing and your daughter will see that.
Only control the things you can do, everything will fall in place. You just need to have the courage to go through this. Its not to late and you will build a new relationship with your daughter.

My daughter is coming around, sometimes she will have her walls up cause sometimes she doesn't know what's going to be next. I know that my daughter notice the difference in me and she told me I deserve to have good things come to me. That really made my day!

You can do this and I promise it will get better if you keep with it. Remember what is the most important in your life, which is your daughter.

Jen73

Double post, sorry!!

tate9685

I HAD to reply to your post. Your daughter is 8? I wish I had stopped when my daughter was 8. What a diifferent life we would have had! You still have time to turn things around. Give her and yourself the best gift of sobriety.

thomas11

hi sunsetred, I do not have children, but I can share my experience. When I was a child between the ages of 8-14 my father was a really poor parent because of his drinking. Violent with myself and brother and occasionally my mother. My brother and I are in our 40's and we still discuss it occasionally and have strict rules about drinking around his kids who are now 9 and 10 respectfully. Anyway, I suppose everyone's different but that was my experience. Wishing you the best.

PurpleKnight

The worst thing that you can do is keep promising and intending to quit and failing on that promise.

As I was growing up my dad, who was an alcoholic was always full of words, but never backed it up with any action.

. . . and in the end died as a result of his drinking.

Be that parent that makes the change, follow through on those intentions, and your kids will look back in adulthood and appreciate it!!

KateL

She has plenty of childhood left to spend with a sober parent, so do it now xxx

Sunsetred

I am going to do it! I was sober all January then as we do kidded myself I could socially drink after the break! It's obvious I cant and I know that now! Things came to a head this past weekend and now I know the only way forward is to stop completely! I Had a difficult childhood spent living with 1 alcoholic parent I won't put my daughter through anymore of this!

thomas11

That is an excellent decision and the responsible thing to do. Great job.

Dee74

You can do this sunsetred
D

serenityfreedom

You have proven that you can do it in January, You have also proven you can't drink sociably with your slip. Onward and upward. It gets better, glad to have you with us.
peace-Jonathan

InMyBlood

I'm in a similar boat, Red. My daughter is 7 and I've explained in as basic a detail I can (and in an appropriate amount of detail for the age) what my disease is and how it's hard for me to just stop. I've encouraged her to ask questions about it and talk to me about anything she feels regarding drinking, and she always just wants me to stop and to be healthy and happy. Knowing I have her support, and my family's support, makes me feel like I'm heading in the right direction. To answer your question, if you are honest, I do believe things get better. But that's the optimist in me

TroubledJoe

That's awesome. I think a lot of the damage and pain comes from confusion and not knowing what is going on. To actually try to explain it can only be a good thing, and must have taken a lot of courage.