Cant even get past day one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 48
Cant even get past day one
Hi all i feel such a fraud coming onto the newcomers site as i have been here many times before. I have once again been attempting to get sober but i cant get past day one.
My only plan now is to not have any alcohol in the house when i try day one again. If i aint got it i cant drink it. Thing is before when i have tried there has always been alcohol to fall back on. One really weird thing with me is that i also drink by the clock as for example six o'clock i start on the wine by seven i am on the vodka and by nine i am in bed. Is this normal??
Sori to be a pest and i know you have all given me good advice in the past but i really have to get past day one. I am such a failure.
My only plan now is to not have any alcohol in the house when i try day one again. If i aint got it i cant drink it. Thing is before when i have tried there has always been alcohol to fall back on. One really weird thing with me is that i also drink by the clock as for example six o'clock i start on the wine by seven i am on the vodka and by nine i am in bed. Is this normal??
Sori to be a pest and i know you have all given me good advice in the past but i really have to get past day one. I am such a failure.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 418
I have tried many times to quit, so you're not alone. Most of the people here probably have, so no need to feel like a fraud.
No drinks in the house sounds good too. Sure lots of other people will offer tips.
Good luck mate
No drinks in the house sounds good too. Sure lots of other people will offer tips.
Good luck mate
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
You are not a failure, you are an alcoholic.The first few days are absolutely the hardest ones. It is normal for alcoholics to arrange all sorts of rules and structure to their drinking. It helps create an illusion of control. It is not normal among normal drinkers.
The main thing is to make big changes to your plan of action if the last one failed. Keeping booze out of the house definitely makes sobriety easier, but I would looking at more support as well.
The main thing is to make big changes to your plan of action if the last one failed. Keeping booze out of the house definitely makes sobriety easier, but I would looking at more support as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Tizzkins you are not a fraud, you've been completely honest, there is nothing fraudulent about that. There is nothing weird about drinking by the clock, many of us did that. Ok, so 6pm is your normal starting time -- what drink will you have instead? Change things. Find a hot or cold NA drink that you enjoy, eat a good dinner, then what? It's up to you but you need to plan your evening not when you get home but well before.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: the Low Lands
Posts: 113
I don't think you're a fraud, it's hard to get going on this and you are very brave to come here for support. Try not to put yourself down! It's just great that you came back.
It's a fantastic start to not have anything in your house. Is there someone near you who can help? Maybe you could ask them to keep your money for a few days and go grocery shopping with you. Don't mind the healthy food just yet, get anything you want, chocolate, ice cream...
Break the routine by being nice to yourself. Take a shower at 6, put on your nicest clothes, take a long walk at 7, put some headphones on to listen to your favorite music instead of your own thoughts (read on SR about AV, your alcoholic voice), visit a friend along the way maybe?
It's a fantastic start to not have anything in your house. Is there someone near you who can help? Maybe you could ask them to keep your money for a few days and go grocery shopping with you. Don't mind the healthy food just yet, get anything you want, chocolate, ice cream...
Break the routine by being nice to yourself. Take a shower at 6, put on your nicest clothes, take a long walk at 7, put some headphones on to listen to your favorite music instead of your own thoughts (read on SR about AV, your alcoholic voice), visit a friend along the way maybe?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Liverpool, UK
Posts: 10
You sound exactly like me tizzkins. Mine started at 7 with the wine, then the vodka then pass out around 9:50 precisely. (my partner tells me) I am now on day 11, which is an absolute miracle for me. Day 1 is hard, anything could of tipped me over the edge, even someone looking at me in a funny way.
I got through mine by exercising for the first few nights and then getting a shower and going to bed. Then I got bored of exercise, and decided instead of sitting in the same place as were I usually sit to drink and watch TV, I went to bed, watched a film, then tried to sleep. Hard in the first week to sleep, but I am not too bad now. Anyway this is my experience, different strokes for different folks as they say. I am sure more experienced users have many difference suggestions for you.
One quote I do always remind myself is one that I read on here, and that is "No matter how bad you feel sober, it won't be as bad as you feel hungover".
Good luck.
I got through mine by exercising for the first few nights and then getting a shower and going to bed. Then I got bored of exercise, and decided instead of sitting in the same place as were I usually sit to drink and watch TV, I went to bed, watched a film, then tried to sleep. Hard in the first week to sleep, but I am not too bad now. Anyway this is my experience, different strokes for different folks as they say. I am sure more experienced users have many difference suggestions for you.
One quote I do always remind myself is one that I read on here, and that is "No matter how bad you feel sober, it won't be as bad as you feel hungover".
Good luck.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by tizzkins 
I am such a failure.
My addiction likes to tell me I am a failure, a loser, hopeless. It makes it easier for it to control my actions.
My addiction is full of ****. So is yours.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Don't call yourself names, be your own best friend and be kind. If you start that, your AV will take advantage of it. And never apologize for coming here no matter how many times. That's what we are here for.
I suggest you change your routine and keep busy the firsts days. At the beginning is all about getting throught that day, even if it is one second at a time.
We are with you and here for you.
I suggest you change your routine and keep busy the firsts days. At the beginning is all about getting throught that day, even if it is one second at a time.
We are with you and here for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
The last 4 years of my drinking, I couldn't stop for a single day. I'd make it sometimes until 9 PM, then think that was pretty good and reward myself with a beer or glass of wine, which of course then opened the flood gates.
What it came down to for me when I finally got sober, was how willing was I? How much did I REALLY want to get better. The answer to that question came in how far I was willing to go. What was I willing to do in order to stay sober and start living a different life? Once I got to the point of total desperation, and complete 100% willingness, the cork went in the bottle and has remained there for over 30 years now.
White knuckling it didn't work for me. My will, desire, and absolute need to drink was much more powerful than any resources I had at the time to not pick up, and it wasn't until it was a matter of life and death for me that I was able to reach the above mentioned willingness. I started by my sober journey by throwing myself into the hands of someone else (my father on that particular morning), who had me hospitalized (detox), and then put under the care of the hospital staff, and an AA friend of my fathers when they let me out of the hospital 5 days later.
I questioned nothing. They told me jump, I asked how high. I listened with wide wide open ears and mind, emptied my brain of anything I thought I knew, and took their direction, putting one foot in front of the other. I bought all the AA books, and immediately started reading them and doing my best to incorporate everything I read. The book Living Sober was particularly helpful my first few months.
What I got from letting go of the old me and welcoming the new, was a completely different life. One free from any desire to drink alcohol, and free in about a billion other ways. I was a useless, fear ridden, agoraphobic, highschool dropout with a messenger service and ice cream shop on my resume at the time I got sober. Without any intent to ever do anything more than feel like a normal human being I wound up graduating college, becoming a teacher, getting married to my best friend, owning real estate, traveling to places I fantasized my whole life about going to... even got to live out some childhood fantasies of touring over seas headlining in a rock band (I'm a musician), and tons of other stuff.
And FWIW, the above doesn't mean I walk around happy joyous and free 24/7, 365 days a year. It means I experience life, and all of it. I fall into depressions from time to time, and I deal with all the things the rest of the world has to deal with, but I accept it all and have times of joy and excitement that are light years away from anything I experienced in the last years of my drinking. The first year of my drinking was awesome, not going to lie. But I have 0 doubts that those days are long gone, and I'm done grieving them.
What I've learned is the more I'm willing to let go of the old, the more the new pours in. The more I hold onto, well...
I know that anybody that truly wants to, can do this sober thing. I know that because it was at one time impossible for me. Or so I thought. How difficult or how easy this is I believe is directly related to how open minded and willing we really are. To what lengths are we willing to go? I believe it's a life or death question anyone considering sobriety should be asking themselves. Wish you the best.
What it came down to for me when I finally got sober, was how willing was I? How much did I REALLY want to get better. The answer to that question came in how far I was willing to go. What was I willing to do in order to stay sober and start living a different life? Once I got to the point of total desperation, and complete 100% willingness, the cork went in the bottle and has remained there for over 30 years now.
White knuckling it didn't work for me. My will, desire, and absolute need to drink was much more powerful than any resources I had at the time to not pick up, and it wasn't until it was a matter of life and death for me that I was able to reach the above mentioned willingness. I started by my sober journey by throwing myself into the hands of someone else (my father on that particular morning), who had me hospitalized (detox), and then put under the care of the hospital staff, and an AA friend of my fathers when they let me out of the hospital 5 days later.
I questioned nothing. They told me jump, I asked how high. I listened with wide wide open ears and mind, emptied my brain of anything I thought I knew, and took their direction, putting one foot in front of the other. I bought all the AA books, and immediately started reading them and doing my best to incorporate everything I read. The book Living Sober was particularly helpful my first few months.
What I got from letting go of the old me and welcoming the new, was a completely different life. One free from any desire to drink alcohol, and free in about a billion other ways. I was a useless, fear ridden, agoraphobic, highschool dropout with a messenger service and ice cream shop on my resume at the time I got sober. Without any intent to ever do anything more than feel like a normal human being I wound up graduating college, becoming a teacher, getting married to my best friend, owning real estate, traveling to places I fantasized my whole life about going to... even got to live out some childhood fantasies of touring over seas headlining in a rock band (I'm a musician), and tons of other stuff.
And FWIW, the above doesn't mean I walk around happy joyous and free 24/7, 365 days a year. It means I experience life, and all of it. I fall into depressions from time to time, and I deal with all the things the rest of the world has to deal with, but I accept it all and have times of joy and excitement that are light years away from anything I experienced in the last years of my drinking. The first year of my drinking was awesome, not going to lie
. But I have 0 doubts that those days are long gone, and I'm done grieving them.What I've learned is the more I'm willing to let go of the old, the more the new pours in. The more I hold onto, well...
I know that anybody that truly wants to, can do this sober thing. I know that because it was at one time impossible for me. Or so I thought. How difficult or how easy this is I believe is directly related to how open minded and willing we really are. To what lengths are we willing to go? I believe it's a life or death question anyone considering sobriety should be asking themselves. Wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 369
Is it possible to see a dr for medication or is there a detox facility near you. My addiction was so extreme there was no way I could go cold turkey. I could never make it through a day without something for the first week or so. There are options to make it less painful. Lots of people don't need any meds to get sober. I did.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by tizzkins
My only plan now is to not have any alcohol in the house when i try day one again. If i aint got it i cant drink it.
As I said, great of you to dump the booze. Keep in mind, the more comprehensive the plan and your recovery efforts, the better chance of your success.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Tizzkins, sorry to hear about your difficulty, but as others have said, it sounds like your are starting to formulate a plan. #1 you are here, #2 you've gotten rid of the alcohol. Keep adding to that plan and keep that desire to NOT drink in your mind. Lastly, fall down 10 times, get up 11.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Tizzkins, good start in dumping the drink. Keeping alcohol in the house while trying to quit is keeping your security blanket. Can't have it both ways.
I had rules about what I drank and when. Its pretty common. What I found most helpful was to make plans for the times I would most likely drink. Breaking the deeply ingrained habits, practice and ritual were all important and the hardest thing in early sobriety. You have to derail that train. If you always go left on the way home, go right. It will feel weird to start but it's crucial.
Plan what you are going to do far in advance. What will you do today, instead of drinking? What will you do tomorrow, instead of drinking? What will you do to get through this weekend, instead of drinking? Each little victory builds confidence. And it is a victory. I couldn't string a day together. Plod forward if you have to. Keep coming here. Most of us have been where you're at.
I had rules about what I drank and when. Its pretty common. What I found most helpful was to make plans for the times I would most likely drink. Breaking the deeply ingrained habits, practice and ritual were all important and the hardest thing in early sobriety. You have to derail that train. If you always go left on the way home, go right. It will feel weird to start but it's crucial.
Plan what you are going to do far in advance. What will you do today, instead of drinking? What will you do tomorrow, instead of drinking? What will you do to get through this weekend, instead of drinking? Each little victory builds confidence. And it is a victory. I couldn't string a day together. Plod forward if you have to. Keep coming here. Most of us have been where you're at.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Keep it simple Tizzkins, no alcohol means no drinking, when I went to work on Day 2 I would leave my bank cards at home, that's how intense I needed to get to force myself away from the daily routine of alcohol!!
You can do this, get some plans in place to make it happen!!
You can do this, get some plans in place to make it happen!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by Dee74
You're not a pest or a fraud Tizzkins.
Remember to use us tho - no one's tired of you, or fed up, or anything...
helping people stay sober is what we do...there's always support here
D
Remember to use us tho - no one's tired of you, or fed up, or anything...
helping people stay sober is what we do...there's always support here
D
I was had the same routine as you. Until I was diagnosed with fatty liver then I cut out hard liquor and switched to beer and wine. My drinking got worse and between 5 pm and 9 pm I was drinking a case of beer or a 3/4 box of wine every week day. More on the weekends because I started rationalizing starting drinking around 9 am was ok. Then I started drinking at work starting around 11am. Stop the cycle now. You can do it!
Life is so much better without booze in it. Get past the early hurdles and the hurdles get easier to deal with. Day by day, stay sober today! you can do this and we are here for you. Make today a good day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Difficulties come with life, it’s the way WE handle them without alcohol involved.
Many years ago the same ideas about not drinking were around and suggested at meetings as it is today. The biggie I needed was “keep coming” because the important information was not at home, on TV or Radio.
I heard that I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
It was showed me that if we were drinkers at particular time of the day perhaps our bodies needed fluid at that time. Sugar drinks and items like ice cream supplied the sugar the body was missing from the alcohol.
It helped having a positive attitude about not drinking………Even if!
BE WELL
Difficulties come with life, it’s the way WE handle them without alcohol involved.
Many years ago the same ideas about not drinking were around and suggested at meetings as it is today. The biggie I needed was “keep coming” because the important information was not at home, on TV or Radio.
I heard that I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
It was showed me that if we were drinkers at particular time of the day perhaps our bodies needed fluid at that time. Sugar drinks and items like ice cream supplied the sugar the body was missing from the alcohol.
It helped having a positive attitude about not drinking………Even if!
BE WELL
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