New to the site, had a bad night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 5
New to the site, had a bad night
Hi everyone, finding it difficult to find the words I want to say. I guess I am an alcoholic, I don't know when it started but I am drinking a lot nowadays. I had a bad night last night, I went on a massive bender and drank a heck of a lot. I'm feeling really guilty and ashamed because I did some stupid things, mainly drunk calling or texts but I feel horrible about it now. I emailed an ex-friend I hadn't spoke to in years (we stopped speaking after a fall out back in 2011) and basically typed out a stupidly long email explaining how sorry I was and how much I want him back in my life (as a friend). Re-reading the email I feel so embarrassed and it's just so obvious I was drunk. 
I've had enough of alcohol but it calls me back. I suffer with anxiety and depression and when I'm drinking I feel happy and laid back but the anxiety comes back ten fold when I wake up the next morning.
I've tried to stop, with 3 weeks being the most, but the alcohol always seems to win and it's so frustrating.
I am hoping to be around these forums for a while, mainly because I need somewhere to talk about it, I feel awful right now.
Thank you for reading.
I've had enough of alcohol but it calls me back. I suffer with anxiety and depression and when I'm drinking I feel happy and laid back but the anxiety comes back ten fold when I wake up the next morning.
I've tried to stop, with 3 weeks being the most, but the alcohol always seems to win and it's so frustrating.
I am hoping to be around these forums for a while, mainly because I need somewhere to talk about it, I feel awful right now.
Thank you for reading.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi summertime (that's an optimistic name ATM, right? 
) It's easy to want to stop drinking after a bender, but chances are you'll need a plan for when the cravings begin creeping back.
Do you have a 'danger time' and how can you avoid it?
What can you do to deal with the feelings of anxiety?
Have you considered going To Alcoholics Anonymous or another support group?
What about talking to your GP (be truthful).
Everyone has a different path. I read a lot about the damage drinking causes, consulted my doctor, and made plans to avoid triggers. And SR, of course.
Everyone's different, but it helps to have a plan and avoid just white-knuckling your way through.
) It's easy to want to stop drinking after a bender, but chances are you'll need a plan for when the cravings begin creeping back.Do you have a 'danger time' and how can you avoid it?
What can you do to deal with the feelings of anxiety?
Have you considered going To Alcoholics Anonymous or another support group?
What about talking to your GP (be truthful).
Everyone has a different path. I read a lot about the damage drinking causes, consulted my doctor, and made plans to avoid triggers. And SR, of course.
Everyone's different, but it helps to have a plan and avoid just white-knuckling your way through.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Oh man can I relate to your post. The anxiety after drinking is unbearable. Especially if I wasn't smart enough to stay away from my phone. It'll subside. I usually only make it a few weeks too. Ugh. Let's NEVER feel this way again by never drinking again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome! Everyone has done stupid things when they drink, use this as motivation to turn everything around. You'll find lots of support, encouragement and great advice here to help you along the way. I'm glad you've joined us.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by summertime8383 
when I'm drinking I feel happy and laid back but the anxiety comes back ten fold when I wake up the next morning.
You're right to stop now. Glad you could join us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 5
Thank you so much for your kind comments.
FeelingGreat - My main danger time is mainly when I'm at home alone, for example after work. I buy 2 bottles of wine when I'm finished for the day and then will go home and drink them. I don't drink every day, generally 4-5 times a week.
I am going to plan more things to do once I'm finished at work so I won't be sat at home alone afterwards. I don't know what yet, but I need to get out and about so I'm not drinking glass of wine after glass of wine of an evening. This goes for days off too, I need to get out and about and not be sat at home craving a drink.
Once again thank you everyone for your kind responses.
FeelingGreat - My main danger time is mainly when I'm at home alone, for example after work. I buy 2 bottles of wine when I'm finished for the day and then will go home and drink them. I don't drink every day, generally 4-5 times a week.
I am going to plan more things to do once I'm finished at work so I won't be sat at home alone afterwards. I don't know what yet, but I need to get out and about so I'm not drinking glass of wine after glass of wine of an evening. This goes for days off too, I need to get out and about and not be sat at home craving a drink.
Once again thank you everyone for your kind responses.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by summertime8383
FeelingGreat - My main danger time is mainly when I'm at home alone, for example after work. I buy 2 bottles of wine when I'm finished for the day and then will go home and drink them. I don't drink every day, generally 4-5 times a week.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
Welcome to the forums summertime8383! You'll find a lot of information, opinions, & support here!
You say when you're drinking you feel happy, but your behavior when you're drunk doesn't sound like it comes from a happy place. Just an observation.
Originally Posted by summertime8383
when I'm drinking I feel happy and laid back but the anxiety comes back ten fold when I wake up the next morning. ....
I emailed an ex-friend I hadn't spoke to in years (we stopped speaking after a fall out back in 2011) and basically typed out a stupidly long email explaining how sorry I was and how much I want him back in my life (as a friend). ...
I emailed an ex-friend I hadn't spoke to in years (we stopped speaking after a fall out back in 2011) and basically typed out a stupidly long email explaining how sorry I was and how much I want him back in my life (as a friend). ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 36
Hi summertime, I'm new here too, but just wanted to say, I can really relate to your post. I've been agonizing with guilt, shame, and regret over the past month or so and I know how awful those emotions can feel. I've also been struggling lately with depression and anxiety and I know all too well that feeling of just wanting to drink or use because you just want to feel a little better, even just for a little while. In my heart though I know that even if it numbs the pain for a bit, drinking or using just makes me crash harder and feel worse afterward.
I've been trying to tell myself that I can choose... Either continue to torture myself with guilt and shame and regret and loss... Or at least make something good out of the bad things I've done or experienced by learning and growing from them. It seems like you've already started trying to learn and grow from your mistakes by recognizing them and reaching out here for help and support. That's a good thing and it takes strength and courage...
Sending good thoughts your way and if you discover the secret magical solution to this guilt and shame thing please be sure to let me know! :-)
I've been trying to tell myself that I can choose... Either continue to torture myself with guilt and shame and regret and loss... Or at least make something good out of the bad things I've done or experienced by learning and growing from them. It seems like you've already started trying to learn and grow from your mistakes by recognizing them and reaching out here for help and support. That's a good thing and it takes strength and courage...
Sending good thoughts your way and if you discover the secret magical solution to this guilt and shame thing please be sure to let me know! :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
Welcome, summertime, to SR; glad you found us.
Good advice above.
Dealing with guilt and embarrassment is difficult. I believe that part of recovery is finding a 'place' for that guilt and embarrassment so that they do not impact or affect your future. Learn from the guilt and then put it squarely behind you and in the past. As you move forward with sobriety and recovery and leading a life of which you can be proud, the memories of the events which caused you guilt will fade; you may even come to 'appreciate' those events as the catalysts which brought to a better life and happier future.
Today is a new day, summertime; the future is yours to write.
Good advice above.
Dealing with guilt and embarrassment is difficult. I believe that part of recovery is finding a 'place' for that guilt and embarrassment so that they do not impact or affect your future. Learn from the guilt and then put it squarely behind you and in the past. As you move forward with sobriety and recovery and leading a life of which you can be proud, the memories of the events which caused you guilt will fade; you may even come to 'appreciate' those events as the catalysts which brought to a better life and happier future.
Today is a new day, summertime; the future is yours to write.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Welcome, Summertime....
I've done and said many, many things that brought shame and embarrassment and self-loathing. Here's the big kicker - those things only make the cycle worse. They play right into the hand of our inner drinker. They are it's weapon of choice to drive us back to our drug of choice.
So firstly let me say this; it's OK. You're not a bad person. You're a human being and being human brings with it difficult emotions. Give yourself the compassion to stop beating up on YOU. What happened is behind you, it doesn't define you. Today, you have a choice. You can choose to carry on giving yourself negative messages, stewing in your perceived shortcomings and heighten the sense of anxiety - or you can look yourself straight in the eyes and say "I forgive you, let's move on.... let's take this blessed life to a joyously better place. Starting now".
It won't always be easy, but I promise you, if you choose sobriety - it will always be worth it and it WILL be better.
So much better.
#soberliferocks
Welcome.
I've done and said many, many things that brought shame and embarrassment and self-loathing. Here's the big kicker - those things only make the cycle worse. They play right into the hand of our inner drinker. They are it's weapon of choice to drive us back to our drug of choice.
So firstly let me say this; it's OK. You're not a bad person. You're a human being and being human brings with it difficult emotions. Give yourself the compassion to stop beating up on YOU. What happened is behind you, it doesn't define you. Today, you have a choice. You can choose to carry on giving yourself negative messages, stewing in your perceived shortcomings and heighten the sense of anxiety - or you can look yourself straight in the eyes and say "I forgive you, let's move on.... let's take this blessed life to a joyously better place. Starting now".
It won't always be easy, but I promise you, if you choose sobriety - it will always be worth it and it WILL be better.
So much better.
#soberliferocks
Welcome.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
Been there, done that. As the addiction progressed I stopped feeling happy when drinking, I just felt less bad.
You're right to stop now. Glad you could join us!
You're right to stop now. Glad you could join us!
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Welcome Summertime,
You know I didn't even think I was alcoholic, I was always in denial, because I thought being Alcohol was drinking 24\7, don't show up to work, and don't take care of things.
I use too drink 2-3 days a week mostly at night.
Then recently, I just got out of denial and got awoke up call, I never missed work when I had a job. But I was lacking on my do lists and not taking care of my kids the way I should have.
Drunk calling/ drunk texting was I use to do all the time, I wouldn't remember until that person would tell me to look at your text you send me. Oh wow!! Not a good thing!!
You know what I do when alcohol calls me back, I ignore that voice and do something like watch a movie, write my poetry, get on here, Roller blade - but its to snowy and cold right now, play games, go to AA meetings.
You just have to void the voice and do something you like to do besides drinking.
Its going to be hard, but you are not alone and if you put your mind to a purpose why you want quit just work with it.
Like someone said above in their posting everyone is different, so you have to find something that can take your mind off of drinking.
You know I didn't even think I was alcoholic, I was always in denial, because I thought being Alcohol was drinking 24\7, don't show up to work, and don't take care of things.
I use too drink 2-3 days a week mostly at night.
Then recently, I just got out of denial and got awoke up call, I never missed work when I had a job. But I was lacking on my do lists and not taking care of my kids the way I should have.
Drunk calling/ drunk texting was I use to do all the time, I wouldn't remember until that person would tell me to look at your text you send me. Oh wow!! Not a good thing!!
You know what I do when alcohol calls me back, I ignore that voice and do something like watch a movie, write my poetry, get on here, Roller blade - but its to snowy and cold right now, play games, go to AA meetings.
You just have to void the voice and do something you like to do besides drinking.
Its going to be hard, but you are not alone and if you put your mind to a purpose why you want quit just work with it.
Like someone said above in their posting everyone is different, so you have to find something that can take your mind off of drinking.
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