Nowsthetime

Hello all:

I have posted here before that my FIL is very sick in the hospital, a combination of malignant tumor (which was removed) and cirrhosis of the liver. He has been here for 3 wks and a day and is just starting to barely show signs of improvement (I'm trying to be positive). So I'm here spending the night with him so that my MIL can have some rest... I brought movies, cards... But he doesn't want to do anything, he is getting depressed. I'm not going to make him do anything. I'm just here for support but this is making me feel very sad inside. On top of that when I was driving here (2hrs from where I live) my AV started scheming. Stop by and pick up a little bottle of gin, you are going to be alone... WTF! Almost to a year and still have to hear this crap? I know it's just thoughts but geez. I'm disappointed at myself for still having that AV in my head. I guess it's going to be there for ever but still, I feel disappointed. This man besides me is suffering so much because of his liver, isn't healing properly because it isn't working, and here I am thinking about sneaking in some gin... And of course the same old spiel "nobody will know bla bla" and my usual answer "I will know"...

I don't know guys just feeling vulnerable and weak and sad. The other thing is that we have been dealing with a lot of stress and when we were arguing he yelled at me "and I can't even have a drink w you". This was a while ago but I can get it out of my head. So I brought it up yesterday crying while fighting I said "I am an alcoholic and I can't drink". He answered "I don't want you to get wasted, just have a couple". He just doesn't get it. I can't moderate but of course as soon as he said this my AV started whispering, "maybe a couple". Maybe this is why it is so loud right now.

I'm riding this out, trucking through. Hopefully this night will go by quickly, these feeling will pass and this recliner in this hospital won't be so bad after all...

Dee74

Stay close to SR nowisthetime
It's a rough period, but drinking won't make it any easier.

We're with you

D

Nowsthetime

Yep, I feel it and I have learned here that a relapse is a long time in the making so that is why I'm putting the breaks on that and posting. Plus sitting here is the dark in this hospital is pretty depressing. At least I always have SR keeping me company.

I am taking responsibility. I will not let it sneak up on me. Posting here when I feel like this is part of my plan. When I read responses it helps reassure ME and shut up my AV...

DuhDave

The cold hard fact is...tell your AV to FO. Many years from now the role could be reversed. It could be YOU in that bed.

Just saying...

DD

strategery

I am sorry to hear about your FIL. However, it is a stark lesson of what can happen if we continue. What you're going through is extremely stressful, but you can get through this sober!

Mags1

We're with you nowisthetime, try to get some rest, too.

Thinking of you and your fil.x

gaffo

Hey Nowisthetime,
You've got some good time in sobriety! You are getting close to the next phase, I'm sure. Soon, you'll realize that you haven't even thought about drinking in a long time. Sorry about having to spend time in the hospital. You are a good soul to do that.

SoberLeigh

Hope your night and that of your FIL is peaceful, Nowsthetime.

Stay strong; you will be happy that you navigated this time soberly.

ScottFromWI

Stay strong and lean on us here if need be. Kudos for being there for your FIL. He is most likely scared too and appreciates your presence even if he won't admit it.

Nowsthetime

It's 6am so I made it through the night. Up every couple of hours but SR kept me company. I don't wish how he is on my worst enemy...