The Functioning Addict
 

To the outside world, I am a success. I'm young, highly educated and in the process of developing a promising career.

Problem is, I have been a hopeless drug addict for a decade. Opiates are my DOC, but I am adept at switching drugs in order to avoid legal consequences / financial disaster / obvious signs of distress.

I have now been opiate free 16 days with great difficulty. I have tremendous social support - always have - but I feel such incredible despair when sober. I do not consider myself "clean and sober", however, since I have continued to indulge daily in "comfort" meds / alcohol. Outside of rehab, I have never lasted ONE day without taking something.

I want to feel happy naturally, I want to feel free and proud of myself. But I feel emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I want to be sober 100%.

As awful as it sounds, I go to AA meetings and sometimes feel resentment when I hear people discuss how they drank "every weekend!" and now have "an amazing life of sobriety." Yeah, I wish I just drank every weekend.

I just want someone I can relate to - someone who's been a 24/7 addict/alcoholic and now lives a life of joy and peace.

Welcome!

20 year drunk, every sober day is a lot more rewarding than any drunk day.
Life sober is not all rainbows and giggles. But it's real, not shadowed by my fears and desire to avoid feeling anything.

Hi and welcome PalmBranch :)

you'll find all kinds of drinkers and addicts here - I ended up an all day everyday drinker - did that for 5 years...

I got out of the loop - I stopped drinking, found support here, made changes and set about rebuilding my life.

It took a while but I have peace and serenity like I've never known before.

I spent decades trying to fill a void in me, trying to escape reality. When I stopped trying to fill it, and heal it instead, things got better )

good to have you with us :)

D

Welcome to the Forum PalmBranch!! :wave:

Thank you guy for the support. I've read this forum off and on for years for little mood lifts and helpful advice, but thought it was time to make the plunge!

Welcome...I was a high functioning alcoholic...till I wasn't anymore. All day drinker at the end. Even though I am going through some things right now directly related to my drinking my life has gotten substantially better in just a few months.

Welcome PalmBranch