SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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-   Newcomers to Recovery (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/)
-   -   Trying again (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/360205-trying-again.html)

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 10:30 AM

Trying again
 
I drink because I am lonely. I drink because I was in a long abusive relationship and I can't seem to let go of it. I haven't lost anything. Yet. I still have my career, license, family etc. However, I feel guilty all the time and I know my son is catching on to me. I have to change. I don't want to be a drunk.

MyTime86 02-23-2015 10:35 AM

It's worth it.
You really do change for the better. Push through the first few months and things get easier.
These days I'm thinking way clearer, and because of that things are changing for the better. You can do it to.
Alcohol is one big lie

biminiblue 02-23-2015 10:35 AM

I've been through abuse too. I drank for all the wrong reasons, like you do. You can heal from all your past hurts. You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can move forward and live a good life.

I've lived alone for 25 years. Loneliness is easily combatted with hobbies and outside interests. You have to get out of your own head. How about volunteering at your son's school, or a shelter?

Life is infinitely better sober.

Are you willing to learn to live without alcohol?

Soberwolf 02-23-2015 10:43 AM

Welcome Jenabean its nice to meet you

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 10:44 AM

Very willing to learn to live without alcohol. I know it is a lie. I work full time and my son plays soccer at a high level. Most of my time is spent carting him where he needs to go. I have alternating weekends that I am free and this is generally when I do my heavy drinking. However, it's been creeping into the work week. I have started to crochet which is a great past time. It's the loneliness that is hard. Sometimes I feel like there is no one to talk to that cares. I stayed in an abusive relationship so long that I am not even whole anymore. I am broken and I can't escape the loneliness because I am a complete mental mess inside. It's not apparent on the outside.

MyTime86 02-23-2015 10:50 AM

Well you can always come on here and talk to us.
You need to get away from anyone abusing you, you are worth more then that.
I think you will benefit greatly from staying sober, it will built your self esteem back up. Your new motto in life should be "good vibes only" hang around positive people. You deserve to be happy

sva777 02-23-2015 10:51 AM

You are not broken, you have your son and a bright future.

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 10:52 AM

Thank you for your time. I am going to come here to try and combat the loneliness. I am looking around and figuring things out here.

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 10:53 AM

You are right. Thank you for reminding me. I do have a beautiful son and my future can be brighter if I stay away from alcohol for good.

biminiblue 02-23-2015 10:58 AM

I agree, you are not broken.

The alcohol keeps us in a very dark place. Only after abstinence for a while does the light come back.

This is a perfect time to quit, it's Spring and you can have a new life. Get out of the house. Find an activity you enjoy - walking, kayaking, tennis, bird watching, something that will get you out.

The abuse wasn't your fault, don't let it take up space in your life anymore. You cannot change the past. Move forward into healing.

Try joining the February Class in the Newcomers section - that is where people go who have chosen to stop drinking in February.

Welcome, we're glad you're here.

biminiblue 02-23-2015 10:59 AM

Here is a clickable link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

PurpleKnight 02-23-2015 11:17 AM

Welcome to the Forum Jenaben!! You can turn this around!! :)

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 11:24 AM

I think about attending AA but I am so fearful that I will run into someone I know. I just don't have the courage.

biminiblue 02-23-2015 11:26 AM

If you run into someone in AA, they are there for the same reason.

I was not afraid to be seen in a bar having drink after drink...

Gonnachange 02-23-2015 11:27 AM

Welcome to SR. You've found a great place!

Jenaben1 02-23-2015 11:30 AM

I never go to bars. I stay at home. Alone. A lot of the meetings are held at local churches. Other members could see me come and go. I just don't want to be anyone's new gossip.

JD4010 02-23-2015 11:50 AM


Originally Posted by Jenaben1 (Post 5219953)
It's the loneliness that is hard. Sometimes I feel like there is no one to talk to that cares. I stayed in an abusive relationship so long that I am not even whole anymore. I am broken and I can't escape the loneliness because I am a complete mental mess inside. It's not apparent on the outside.

This sounds a whole lot like me. I got divorced last year after decades of verbal abuse and mind games. Now, after 30 years, I'm on my own. I've got two cats to keep me company, but they don't care if I'm drinking or not (plus they are enjoying their catnip!).

I'm 55 and there's not much for someone like me to do in the evenings. I read a lot and spend some time at the library. I don't go to the coffee houses because everyone is much younger than me, plus I don't have much money to spend on hoity-toity coffee.

I'm a professional with a good job, but have very little money because the maintenance/alimony payments are so high. I've been putting off a repair for my old beater of a vehicle for months now because I can't scrape together $700. Good thing I enjoy walking!

Dee74 02-23-2015 02:40 PM

Welcome back Jenaben :)

I think there are way better ways to deal with loneliness than drinking. There's actually few things more isolating than drinking at home, alone.

Start building the life you want :)

D

jryan19982 02-23-2015 02:42 PM

Its a great time to ensure you dont lose anything due to drinking!


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