Major Depression and Alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 2
Major Depression and Alcoholism
Hi,
I will make an effort to make this introductory post reasonably brief, but likely won't succeed.
My wife used to teach special education for the mentally impaired in Australia. She was also a supervisor and had a small number of teachers reporting to her. When she was in her mid 50's (current age 62) it became apparent that she was being bullied by both those who worked for her and the school principal. It became so common place that the principal even held meetings where he encouraged her empowered staff to point out her deficiencies as a leader and a teacher and how she should improve. These meetings were not meant to be beneficial, but instead were designed to be vindictive and hurtful. She eventually broke down, left work and filed a worker's compensation case, which she won. However, this incident which lasted for nearly 2 years, turned her existing mild clinical depression into major depression. She was prescribed a high dose of an anti depressant which has helped some, but she's concurrently increased her wine consumption from a couple of glasses at a time to two bottles of wine every day. Probably once a week she'll have an explosive outburst while she's drunk and completely forgets about it the following day. I have a number of concerns - the large amount of daily wine drinking changes her personality and is affecting our marriage; the wine is also working counter to her medication making it less effective; and most importantly, if she continues down this path, I believe she'll become ill and possibly shorten her life.
Though she sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist regularly, she has never recovered from the bullying and consequently can no longer teach. This was like a knife in her heart - no longer being able to teach. I'm a recovered alcoholic myself (dry for over 30 years now) and I can see that this situation is going to gradually continue to worsen unless she gets off the alcohol completely. I've tried to reason with her on a few occasions and failed miserably. It didn't surprise me because I believe she has to want to quit drinking in order to have any chance of getting at least some of her former life back.
My question is should I see her psychiatrist and tell him how bad her situation is? He knows she drinks more than she should, but from comments made by my wife and a report she showed me, it appears that he thinks she's drinking maybe half as much as she really is. Assuming I do this, try to talk to her psychiatrist, I realize he may tell me it's none of my business and possibly worse, it may be the beginning of the end of our marriage. Any helpful comments would be appreciated. If you got this far, thanks for reading about our problem.
I will make an effort to make this introductory post reasonably brief, but likely won't succeed.
My wife used to teach special education for the mentally impaired in Australia. She was also a supervisor and had a small number of teachers reporting to her. When she was in her mid 50's (current age 62) it became apparent that she was being bullied by both those who worked for her and the school principal. It became so common place that the principal even held meetings where he encouraged her empowered staff to point out her deficiencies as a leader and a teacher and how she should improve. These meetings were not meant to be beneficial, but instead were designed to be vindictive and hurtful. She eventually broke down, left work and filed a worker's compensation case, which she won. However, this incident which lasted for nearly 2 years, turned her existing mild clinical depression into major depression. She was prescribed a high dose of an anti depressant which has helped some, but she's concurrently increased her wine consumption from a couple of glasses at a time to two bottles of wine every day. Probably once a week she'll have an explosive outburst while she's drunk and completely forgets about it the following day. I have a number of concerns - the large amount of daily wine drinking changes her personality and is affecting our marriage; the wine is also working counter to her medication making it less effective; and most importantly, if she continues down this path, I believe she'll become ill and possibly shorten her life.
Though she sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist regularly, she has never recovered from the bullying and consequently can no longer teach. This was like a knife in her heart - no longer being able to teach. I'm a recovered alcoholic myself (dry for over 30 years now) and I can see that this situation is going to gradually continue to worsen unless she gets off the alcohol completely. I've tried to reason with her on a few occasions and failed miserably. It didn't surprise me because I believe she has to want to quit drinking in order to have any chance of getting at least some of her former life back.
My question is should I see her psychiatrist and tell him how bad her situation is? He knows she drinks more than she should, but from comments made by my wife and a report she showed me, it appears that he thinks she's drinking maybe half as much as she really is. Assuming I do this, try to talk to her psychiatrist, I realize he may tell me it's none of my business and possibly worse, it may be the beginning of the end of our marriage. Any helpful comments would be appreciated. If you got this far, thanks for reading about our problem.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Rabnud. Sorry to hear of your wife's issues, both with her past and her drinking. As you probably know from your struggles with alcohol, there's not much one can do to control another alcoholics drinking. My guess is that he probably knows anyway.
We do have a friends and family specific forum here you might want to check out. Taking care of yourself is very important too.
We do have a friends and family specific forum here you might want to check out. Taking care of yourself is very important too.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Rabnud im so sorry about the way your wife was treated that is awful
As for helping her i agree with Scott it has to be her who makes the decision and its likely she knows
i think you know that too
maybe talk about options when shes sober i am really sorry as i cant imagine how tough this is on you both
Youl find so much support here and in friends & family Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Really nice to meet you congrats on your 30+ years of sobriety
As for helping her i agree with Scott it has to be her who makes the decision and its likely she knows
i think you know that too
maybe talk about options when shes sober i am really sorry as i cant imagine how tough this is on you both
Youl find so much support here and in friends & family Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Really nice to meet you congrats on your 30+ years of sobriety
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome! 
I hope we can help support you during these trying times. 
As far as telling her doctors/therapists, you may be able to tell them about her, but they probably won't tell you their info, as that should be confidential. I hope if the therapist knows the extent of her problem, that can assist in getting her the help she needs.
I hope we can help support you during these trying times. As far as telling her doctors/therapists, you may be able to tell them about her, but they probably won't tell you their info, as that should be confidential. I hope if the therapist knows the extent of her problem, that can assist in getting her the help she needs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Welcome Rabnud,
I too drank too much wine and it probably reduced the effectiveness of my anti depressants. My husband did not lecture me much about my drinking. He would take lovely evening walks....I'd had a bottle of wine and had basically passed out. In the morning, as we sipped our coffee together, he'd tell me about things he did the previous evening....walks, a swim, a conversation with a neighbor etc. It made such an impact on me....I couldn't believe what I was missing and giving up, just for wine.
My point is, my husband led by example...he continued living his life. I chose to stop drinking , live my life ...and join him taking walks etc....I stopped missing out on our life.
I too drank too much wine and it probably reduced the effectiveness of my anti depressants. My husband did not lecture me much about my drinking. He would take lovely evening walks....I'd had a bottle of wine and had basically passed out. In the morning, as we sipped our coffee together, he'd tell me about things he did the previous evening....walks, a swim, a conversation with a neighbor etc. It made such an impact on me....I couldn't believe what I was missing and giving up, just for wine.
My point is, my husband led by example...he continued living his life. I chose to stop drinking , live my life ...and join him taking walks etc....I stopped missing out on our life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 34
Really sorry about your mom. Human cruelty, picking on the weaker and insecure, always disgusts me despite being so common. I may be an alcoholic but I do believe that chickens come home to roost.
Deciding to talk to her doctor is a decision only you can make and I am sure you are aware that drinking heavily on top of psche meds is extremely dangerous. Can't put myself in your shoes but I think I would. The doctor might ignore me but I don't see a downside.
Maybe your mom is suffering from some kind of PTSD inflicted on her by these people that will lift as time passes. Wish you the best of luck .
Deciding to talk to her doctor is a decision only you can make and I am sure you are aware that drinking heavily on top of psche meds is extremely dangerous. Can't put myself in your shoes but I think I would. The doctor might ignore me but I don't see a downside.
Maybe your mom is suffering from some kind of PTSD inflicted on her by these people that will lift as time passes. Wish you the best of luck .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
