Still drinking
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Hya DK3
Can you hear us?....all of us talking to you on SR? We're here listening.
The place you're in sounds really hard. Keep close here until Monday when you might decide to ring your Doc? Or you could do that now even if you want to?
At least try to stick close to these pages til you feel a bit better?
The place you're in sounds really hard. Keep close here until Monday when you might decide to ring your Doc? Or you could do that now even if you want to?
At least try to stick close to these pages til you feel a bit better?
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Originally Posted by DK3 
I really appreciate all the help. I hope to be in a position that I can help people myself!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 35
I know you all are right. Pointing me towards how I'm using excuses really makes me go inside and face them. Fact is, I CAN quit right now and nothing will happen. Nothing bad that is. Then the OCD kicks in, saying "Yeah, but to be sure, why not finish the cycle? Something terrible might happen otherwise." I know it sounds weird and I know it's not even true. But OCD is difficult to deal with. Leaving this cycle "open", makes it so I have to drink again at some point in the future to make it right. If I finish it now, I'm not allowed to drink anymore according to the OCD.
I know it may be hard to believe but it's how OCD works. It's a terrible disease. And when I'm really honest, I'm not using it as an excuse. It's the cause of this cycle of drinking.
But enough about me and my OCD. Tomorrow it will be a Monday and not a Sunday anymore. And it's the 23th, which is perfect. Quitting on the 22th might cause a disaster. OCD people will understand.
I know it may be hard to believe but it's how OCD works. It's a terrible disease. And when I'm really honest, I'm not using it as an excuse. It's the cause of this cycle of drinking.
But enough about me and my OCD. Tomorrow it will be a Monday and not a Sunday anymore. And it's the 23th, which is perfect. Quitting on the 22th might cause a disaster. OCD people will understand.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Are you talking about the double number DK? In reference to quitting on the 22nd?
You DO realize, if that is what you are referring to, is that Sunday is the BEGINNING of the week, right? That is why you need to set the bottle down today. Sunday is the first of the week, not Monday.
Tell your OCD that.
You DO realize, if that is what you are referring to, is that Sunday is the BEGINNING of the week, right? That is why you need to set the bottle down today. Sunday is the first of the week, not Monday.
Tell your OCD that.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
It's YOUR life. YOU make it what it is. Your excuses are pretty silly, OCD or not.
Honesty is the first step towards recovery and I don't think that you are truly being honest with yourself. Many of us have all sorts of problems, of every kind but at some point we have to take responsibility. You don't have to be defined by your predicament or diagnosis. You can be stronger than that.
I wish you the best and we will be here waiting to support you.
It's YOUR life. YOU make it what it is. Your excuses are pretty silly, OCD or not.
Honesty is the first step towards recovery and I don't think that you are truly being honest with yourself. Many of us have all sorts of problems, of every kind but at some point we have to take responsibility. You don't have to be defined by your predicament or diagnosis. You can be stronger than that.
I wish you the best and we will be here waiting to support you.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted by Cecilia44
Are you talking about the double number DK? In reference to quitting on the 22nd?
You DO realize, if that is what you are referring to, is that Sunday is the BEGINNING of the week, right? That is why you need to set the bottle down today. Sunday is the first of the week, not Monday.
Tell your OCD that.
You DO realize, if that is what you are referring to, is that Sunday is the BEGINNING of the week, right? That is why you need to set the bottle down today. Sunday is the first of the week, not Monday.
Tell your OCD that.
Sunday is a day that got attached to the OCD after a psychosis I had, in which I heard God telling me that I will die on a Sunday. So no changes are allowed on Sundays, I will have to go through them.
This sounds nuts, I know. But it is how my brain controls me.
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Originally Posted by DK3
The 22nd refers to my brother in my OCD world, the 23th to me. So if I quit on the 22nd, it means something terrible will happen to him. If I quit on the 23th, the terrible thing might still happen but it will be related to me. So I am not guilty of cause anyone harm but myself.
Sunday is a day that got attached to the OCD after a psychosis I had, in which I heard God telling me that I will die on a Sunday. So no changes are allowed on Sundays, I will have to go through them.
This sounds nuts, I know. But it is how my brain controls me.
Sunday is a day that got attached to the OCD after a psychosis I had, in which I heard God telling me that I will die on a Sunday. So no changes are allowed on Sundays, I will have to go through them.
This sounds nuts, I know. But it is how my brain controls me.
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DK3, you will eventually need to make a decision on who you want to run the show – you or your OCD. OCD is all about control, and trying to protect yourself. However, you have the strength to beat this.
A lot of OCD revolves around fear. A simple technique to reduce these thoughts is to be fully and completely in the present moment. Don’t let your mind replay painful memories of the past and don’t let it worry about things in the future that hasn’t happened yet. Try noticing your breathing and live right now – the only time you can live. Be present. (A good book to help build up presence is Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle).
I do understand where you are coming from. My sobriety date is February 2nd – part of me felt I “already ruined February”. However, these type of thoughts can be challenged (and it might cause discomfort – but you can handle it). The OCD voice is very similar to the AV. They are both trying to “run the show” and compel you to do things not in your best interest.
I hope you let your wiser self/true self run the show. You deserve that.
A lot of OCD revolves around fear. A simple technique to reduce these thoughts is to be fully and completely in the present moment. Don’t let your mind replay painful memories of the past and don’t let it worry about things in the future that hasn’t happened yet. Try noticing your breathing and live right now – the only time you can live. Be present. (A good book to help build up presence is Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle).
I do understand where you are coming from. My sobriety date is February 2nd – part of me felt I “already ruined February”. However, these type of thoughts can be challenged (and it might cause discomfort – but you can handle it). The OCD voice is very similar to the AV. They are both trying to “run the show” and compel you to do things not in your best interest.
I hope you let your wiser self/true self run the show. You deserve that.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
DK3 hopefully in recovery you can start getting some treatment for your OCD
Have you got it in you to flush the drinks away ?
Have you got it in you to flush the drinks away ?
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
What is your plan for tomorrow if your OCD changes its mind again? You have already proclaimed a "quit date" that your OCD has prescribed twice since you started posting here a couple of weeks ago and both times you kept drinking anyway.
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Originally Posted by ANewDayNYC
DK3, you will eventually need to make a decision on who you want to run the show – you or your OCD. OCD is all about control, and trying to protect yourself. However, you have the strength to beat this.
A lot of OCD revolves around fear. A simple technique to reduce these thoughts is to be fully and completely in the present moment. Don’t let your mind replay painful memories of the past and don’t let it worry about things in the future that hasn’t happened yet. Try noticing your breathing and live right now – the only time you can live. Be present. (A good book to help build up presence is Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle).
I do understand where you are coming from. My sobriety date is February 2nd – part of me felt I “already ruined February”. However, these type of thoughts can be challenged (and it might cause discomfort – but you can handle it). The OCD voice is very similar to the AV. They are both trying to “run the show” and compel you to do things not in your best interest.
I hope you let your wiser self/true self run the show. You deserve that.
A lot of OCD revolves around fear. A simple technique to reduce these thoughts is to be fully and completely in the present moment. Don’t let your mind replay painful memories of the past and don’t let it worry about things in the future that hasn’t happened yet. Try noticing your breathing and live right now – the only time you can live. Be present. (A good book to help build up presence is Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle).
I do understand where you are coming from. My sobriety date is February 2nd – part of me felt I “already ruined February”. However, these type of thoughts can be challenged (and it might cause discomfort – but you can handle it). The OCD voice is very similar to the AV. They are both trying to “run the show” and compel you to do things not in your best interest.
I hope you let your wiser self/true self run the show. You deserve that.
I know it seems weird when I describe my problems. But this is just part of what OCD sufferers go through. It's a terrible disease.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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OCD can change it's mind too, and then you'll have a different quit date again. From what Scott said, this has happened twice before.
Besides, I don't completely believe you. I have OCD and it doesn't dictate my whole world. There are ways to control it.
I do hear excuses though and what I hear is that you are already drinking today (as you stated) and don't really want to stop today because of it. That is what I believe is really true.
I do hope, for your sake, that you stop then tomorrow. Mixing drugs and alcohol like you are doing can truly be fatal. I hope you stop playing around with it. One of these days, it won't just be some thing in the future. It will actually happen.
Besides, I don't completely believe you. I have OCD and it doesn't dictate my whole world. There are ways to control it.
I do hear excuses though and what I hear is that you are already drinking today (as you stated) and don't really want to stop today because of it. That is what I believe is really true.
I do hope, for your sake, that you stop then tomorrow. Mixing drugs and alcohol like you are doing can truly be fatal. I hope you stop playing around with it. One of these days, it won't just be some thing in the future. It will actually happen.
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Originally Posted by DK3
OCD doesn't change it's mind. That's why it's so compelling.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...9376-back.html
Bottom line, your logical mind is perfectly capable of creating a litany of reasons why you cannot stop drinking, illustrated by all of your responses here. Arguing about it won't help anyone. Prepare yourself for the possibility that you will need to seek detox or rehab if you cannot stop on your own.
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The technique below has helped me a great deal when I have OCD/obsessive thinking. You eventually need to decide who you want to run your life - you or the OCD. When I got to the point where I decided I wanted to run the show - the exercise below helped me deal with the physical discomfort. It is VERY hard in the beginning but it does get better. Once you stop feeding the OCD, it loses its power over you.
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Old urges to act will show up in a flash. And in the heat of the moment it can be difficult to remember that you have other options. So let’s keep it simple: do nothing and practice patience. Just be still with what you experience in that moment. Here’s what you can do specifically:
-Say and Do Nothing
You do have a choice here. You can do what your mind and body compel you to do. Or you can make a choice that seems ridiculous and as unnatural as pushing into the finger traps – you can choose to act with patience. You can stop, be still, and wait until hardness of the stirring, raucous, and searing energy gradually softens and drifts away. You aren’t suppressing here. You’re just being honest with the fact that you’re uncomfortable or hurt or sad or lonely or fearful or whatever you’re experience in the moment. And you stay with it, without feeding it or reacting to it. This will give you time to think about what you really want to be about in that moment and what you want to do.
-Watch Your Mind Machine as an Observer
We guarantee that the mind machine will be in overdrive doing its old thing. Don’t get tangled up in what it is doing or respond to it. Just watch what it is doing from the compassionate-observer perspective and meet that stirring energy with gentle acceptance. You don’t need to get hooked. This will give you space to consider more vital options.
-Ride the WAF (Worries, Anxieties, and Fear) Tiger
This is really tough. Sitting with the discomfort and doing nothing while you feel like exploding or running is like riding a wild horse or tiger and its very frightening. In that moment, bring attention to the physical experience of anxiety. Is there pressure? Is there tightness or contraction? Where, specifically, do you feel it? Does it have a shape? Here, perhaps for the first time, you can make a choice to sit and stay with the raucous energy and not do what you’ve always done. And you can do so in daily life. One you are still, you can bring compassion and curiosity to the energy and pain. Look deeply into your experience without attempting to resolve it, fight it, or suppress it, and without acting on it. As you look, see if you can find the pain. Once you locate the pain, look more deeply into it. And then let it be. Approach this act of patience with softness and curiosity. You do have a choice to hold on here or to let go. This quality of patience is very much like the practice of extending forgiveness.
-
Old urges to act will show up in a flash. And in the heat of the moment it can be difficult to remember that you have other options. So let’s keep it simple: do nothing and practice patience. Just be still with what you experience in that moment. Here’s what you can do specifically:
-Say and Do Nothing
You do have a choice here. You can do what your mind and body compel you to do. Or you can make a choice that seems ridiculous and as unnatural as pushing into the finger traps – you can choose to act with patience. You can stop, be still, and wait until hardness of the stirring, raucous, and searing energy gradually softens and drifts away. You aren’t suppressing here. You’re just being honest with the fact that you’re uncomfortable or hurt or sad or lonely or fearful or whatever you’re experience in the moment. And you stay with it, without feeding it or reacting to it. This will give you time to think about what you really want to be about in that moment and what you want to do.
-Watch Your Mind Machine as an Observer
We guarantee that the mind machine will be in overdrive doing its old thing. Don’t get tangled up in what it is doing or respond to it. Just watch what it is doing from the compassionate-observer perspective and meet that stirring energy with gentle acceptance. You don’t need to get hooked. This will give you space to consider more vital options.
-Ride the WAF (Worries, Anxieties, and Fear) Tiger
This is really tough. Sitting with the discomfort and doing nothing while you feel like exploding or running is like riding a wild horse or tiger and its very frightening. In that moment, bring attention to the physical experience of anxiety. Is there pressure? Is there tightness or contraction? Where, specifically, do you feel it? Does it have a shape? Here, perhaps for the first time, you can make a choice to sit and stay with the raucous energy and not do what you’ve always done. And you can do so in daily life. One you are still, you can bring compassion and curiosity to the energy and pain. Look deeply into your experience without attempting to resolve it, fight it, or suppress it, and without acting on it. As you look, see if you can find the pain. Once you locate the pain, look more deeply into it. And then let it be. Approach this act of patience with softness and curiosity. You do have a choice to hold on here or to let go. This quality of patience is very much like the practice of extending forgiveness.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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One other thing (and this is just my personal opinion) is not to get too get too caught up in labeling.
For example, some people will label themselves as an alcoholic and do so in a way that allows them to keep drinking. “This is just the way I am – I am an alcoholic. I am different and can’t be helped, etc.” Some people use the label to accentuate why they are different/can’t be helped.
The same is true with anxiety disorders. Whether someone has GAD/OCD/PTSD it all falls under the same umbrella of anxiety. The only genuinely litmus test on whether someone has one of these anxiety disorders is if it is having a strong negative impact on their life. I find it more helpful to say “Everyone experiences anxiety. I will continue to work to on the issue to avoid it having a negative impact on my life”.
Your OCD wants to keep control, and labeling yourself is a way to give it control – there is no need to reinforce that.
For example, some people will label themselves as an alcoholic and do so in a way that allows them to keep drinking. “This is just the way I am – I am an alcoholic. I am different and can’t be helped, etc.” Some people use the label to accentuate why they are different/can’t be helped.
The same is true with anxiety disorders. Whether someone has GAD/OCD/PTSD it all falls under the same umbrella of anxiety. The only genuinely litmus test on whether someone has one of these anxiety disorders is if it is having a strong negative impact on their life. I find it more helpful to say “Everyone experiences anxiety. I will continue to work to on the issue to avoid it having a negative impact on my life”.
Your OCD wants to keep control, and labeling yourself is a way to give it control – there is no need to reinforce that.
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While I don't agree with some of the things mentioned, I'm letting that go. It's not important. The last thing I need is a discussion about psychiatric disorders. I've been doing that with psychiatrists for the past 10 years.
I do learn a lot from the helpful insights. I just thought about quitting now and it sent me into something worse than a panic attack. Fortunately I only have a few beers left and then I'm free, hopefully. It feels like it. I sincerely hope that the OCD won't be a factor anymore. But I've realized that the only way it can attach itself to drinking is by me taking that first sip. So from tomorrow on, the rule is: not a single drop. Ever again. I've decided that before and it will be difficult, but it needs to be done. I'll be coming here for support. And I promise I will call my doctor tomorrow.
I do learn a lot from the helpful insights. I just thought about quitting now and it sent me into something worse than a panic attack. Fortunately I only have a few beers left and then I'm free, hopefully. It feels like it. I sincerely hope that the OCD won't be a factor anymore. But I've realized that the only way it can attach itself to drinking is by me taking that first sip. So from tomorrow on, the rule is: not a single drop. Ever again. I've decided that before and it will be difficult, but it needs to be done. I'll be coming here for support. And I promise I will call my doctor tomorrow.
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DK3, you are strong enough to beat this. I am not trying to change your mind, just saying what has helped me. The techniques I have found useful are called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Regardless, you are in control and I hope you maintain your sobriety.
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I'll try to keep this short because you've got lots of great advice
I just wanted to say I have OCD too, as well as generalised anxiety and have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD as a teen. I only take meds for my anxiety/depression and OCD and Ive had the same meds as you too (currently just lexapro and trying to avoid valium though I do have some). When I was in hospital one time, they said I had to stay for 3 days and I said nope i'd only stay for two because 3 isn't a good number to me and I thought I would die. The doctors let me get away with that, and on the third day instead of staying in hospital getting help I bought a cask of wine and got smashed (and subsequently very sick-my body wasn't great at that stage)
All I'm trying to say is I understand, I really do I believe in good dates and the 'right time' etc too, but I've seen now that I actually have to actively fight that because my OCD actually puts me in dangerous situations sometimes
I hope you can see some sense in that, but regardless if you need someone to relate to Im here and I think manyyy of us have some of the disorders you've descrived, so I'd try not to seperate yourself too much. OCD for sure makes things hard, but no I really don't think you can say it's so much harder for you to stop (the only reason I say this is because thinking you're so unique can be quite dangerous, and stop you from holding yourself to the same standards/relating to us)
Hope you're doing ok
I just wanted to say I have OCD too, as well as generalised anxiety and have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD as a teen. I only take meds for my anxiety/depression and OCD and Ive had the same meds as you too (currently just lexapro and trying to avoid valium though I do have some). When I was in hospital one time, they said I had to stay for 3 days and I said nope i'd only stay for two because 3 isn't a good number to me and I thought I would die. The doctors let me get away with that, and on the third day instead of staying in hospital getting help I bought a cask of wine and got smashed (and subsequently very sick-my body wasn't great at that stage)
All I'm trying to say is I understand, I really do I believe in good dates and the 'right time' etc too, but I've seen now that I actually have to actively fight that because my OCD actually puts me in dangerous situations sometimes
I hope you can see some sense in that, but regardless if you need someone to relate to Im here and I think manyyy of us have some of the disorders you've descrived, so I'd try not to seperate yourself too much. OCD for sure makes things hard, but no I really don't think you can say it's so much harder for you to stop (the only reason I say this is because thinking you're so unique can be quite dangerous, and stop you from holding yourself to the same standards/relating to us)
Hope you're doing ok
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