Update
 

Thank you all so very much for your help and support during my breakdown last week. I've been posting on my class thread but not here. On Monday I had a friend come over and dump out my bottles. On Tuesday I started my first medically supervised withdrawal, which was very humbling. The doctor took me out of work for the week to recover, so I've had time to weigh my options. My friends and husband have come together to make a plan, and I'll be starting intensive outpatient soon. If that doesn't work, the next step will be 30 day inpatient.

I've attended LifeRing meetings most days this week and have some set for the weekend, which has been encouraging and supportive.

I am feeling very depressed and wanting to isolate, though my friends have kept me on close watch and try to make sure I'm alone as little as possible. I've really appreciated the attention and support they are giving me, but I'm thinking increasingly about drinking and am feeling very hopeless.

I keep feeling like I just want all this to pass and the attention to be off me so I can drink again.

I'm doing things around the house and getting rid of lots of stuff, trying to clear the place out and start over, and just keep my mind distracted.

You can do it, Briar. Tie yourself to the mast and get through it. A better life awaits you on the other side!

Briar I think most of us started off very depressed and thinking of drinking. I know I sure as heck did.

I certainly wasn't sure I'd made the right choice by nailing my colours to the mast and publicly declaring my problem.

A part of me, a large part, just wanted recovery to go away so I could 'drink in peace'.

The problem was there was no peace in my drinking life. It was killing me, and destroying my life and those in it.

It's ok to feel nervous and unsure and self conscious. Just don't doubt that you're doing the best thing for yourself, Briar - you really are :)

D

This is exactly right.

It's hard right now. You want to escape; I really understand that.
But the only way to truly feel better, is to move through this.
It's uncomfortable as heck, but you will feel better and stronger every single day.

I love you, and I'm proud of you. ♥

What D and V said. :) It's so normal to think of drinking in early recovery. What matters is what you do in response to those thoughts. Thoughts are just that, they don't have to become actions.

:hug: You are stronger than you think. :)

I think you've achieved a lot although you can't see it. You're ready to change and are doing whatever you can to do it

So happy to read this!! I believe in you. I was the same way...wishing everyone would just magically think I was cured so I could drink again. After some time I realized I didn't want to drink again.

That's your disease and AV telling you that want to drink again, Briar.

See this process through; truly work your sobriety efforts and recovery.

You will come to the place, Briar, where you won't think about drinking, where you truly won't want to drink, where you really love sobriety, where if in the fire it's one of the things you will grab to save.

I never thought I'd reach that day but when I did - wow.

I am glad that you're getting the help you need Briar. You'll be able to live a longer and fuller life without alcohol. :hug:

Hang in there Briar. I love your honesty, really look at yourself and think carefully about what would happen if you just kept drinking. Play the tape to the end, they say. That kind of thinking helps me all the time. We know where it ends if we don't stop.

You can do this, I know it.

Am glad you have support
keep at it you can do it :You_Rock_

This, Hello Briar

It's going to get better. I like your plan!

The further away from the bottle I get, the better I feel and the more able to deal with whatever comes my way.

You can do this Briar and i am really happy for you that you have the support from your husband and friends.I'm doing this alone(in real life!) and sometimes i wish i had someone to watch after me or care about my recovery.:ring

Thanks for letting us know, Briar. :) I'm so proud of you - that was a wonderful post.

good to hear of the steps you've taken/are taking, Briar.
intensive outpatient will help you fight the drive to isolate and be left alone to drink again.

you can do this.
i'm glad you're letting people help you.

Our timing is similar. I finished my 3rd vivitrol round on my birthday a week ago and decided I could have a few drinks after work and be fine. 3 days and 4 bottles of vodka later I had to cancel a vacation because my withdrawals were so bad both physically and psychologically. It crushed me to disappoint my family. I got another shot yesterday which helps enormously. Keep throwing out the bottles. I drank very heavily for 20 years before starting the vivitrol and believe it had cured me. I know now i am still a work in process...

((Briar))...thank you for sharing your plan with us. I'm so glad you're getting the help you deserve. Give it some time and trust the people in your life that love you. I so want you to know the freedom that being sober brings! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Welcome Hazeltine :)

D

Hi Briar, you can do this. It's so uncomfortable at first. You can get through it and it's fantastic you have medical supervision. You have a good plan and good support. Both so very important.

I did hospital detox and inpatient. If that is the route you eventually choose, it is a great path to get started. It was relaxing.

Keep on. We are here.