Jeni26

I gave up drinking in May 2012 and my husband followed soon after. We had decades of drinking together. I sort of dragged him kicking and screaming into sobriety and he was reluctant but wanted to support me I guess.

After a difficult year last year, I decided to drink again at Christmas. My husband was at first reluctant to give up sobriety, but I sort of persuaded him it would be a good idea.

Now of course he's drinking heavily again and I have recommitted to sobriety. But it's so much harder this time. He's such a good man and I love him very much.

People have told me that I couldn't make him drink, but I know I manipulated him into it. Life seems really difficult right now and it's all my fault.

Any advice? I really feel so guilty about what I've done to a decent man.

Della1968

Nobody made you drink and you certainly didn't make him drink. Just worry about you and he may follow suit. Xo

biminiblue

Yeah, he has to come to it on his own. Let it play out. Take care of yourself.

Soberwolf

Maybe convince him of the benefits of sobriety it has to be him tho Jen

You cant blame yourself everyone makes a choice he could have said no

Jeni26

It would be so much easier to go back to drinking with him.

Della1968

I don't think you truly believe that.

mecanix

Pure AV jeni , condemn yourself to drinking, you'll get nothing from it , go and read some of your old posts … if he's drunk in the evenings leave him to it ?? maybe it's time you kept company with sober people ? go salza or line dancing , art classes .. in my experience drinking makes you lazy and lets you put up with less than you deserve .. go out and find that glorious life , i'm sure he'll pull his socks up too if he sees you having sober fun .

his drinking is not yours Remember the four c's ,
You Didn’t Cause It, You Can’t Control It, You Can’t Cure It. BUT, You DON’T Have to Contribute To It .

Stay strong , m

Aellyce

It would only be easier for a short while; you know this, Jeni.

He was in recovery before... I think the best you can do is what we do here on SR. Honesty, support, understanding, inspiration, and trying to present a positive example. Everything else is his call, just like yours is yours.

Soberwolf

It wouldnt be easier Jen thats AV stick close to SR there will be better days
Remember why you got sober ((()))

Jeni26

Admins please could you delete this post.

SoberLeigh

Noooooooooooooooo, Jeni; noooooooooooooooo.

Dee74

Nonsense. I'm really sad to see your AV so active again.

I seem to recall he wasn't as reluctant as you're painting him now Jeni.

I think your guilt is misplaced, and it's doing nothing but feeding your AV.

If you were powerful enough to make him drink, you'd be powerful enough to make him stop....

That's obviously not the case.

Many people here deak with drinking spouses - it's challenge certainly but it's not a deal breaker Jen - you can do this.

Build that support network and use it. Your husband is not a stupid manV- I hope it's not too long before he remembers why he quit

D

Dee74

We don't delete threads unless they break rules Jeni.

I can close it for you. I hope you'll read the responses here though.

Dee
Moderator
SR