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ipaidwithmylife 02-20-2015 06:23 AM

Please help
 
Hello to everyone who took the trouble to read this. Lately I've been feeling great fears in relation to my former alcohol abuse. That's right: I say former, because after what happened last time, I am never drinking again!

Okay, so here's my story: I've always been a depressed person and in the last year or so I really let myself go, with drinking (before that, from about age 18 I had the odd glass or two, but it didn't control my life.): monthly and sometimes weekly a lot, never anything too strong, mostly beer: like four or five cans a night.
Funny thing was: I didn't believe I had a problem and thought I was in control... turns out I wasn't, cause after I majorly let myself go during the holidays, I felt different in my head. It's been almost two months now and it's really scary, because my mind seems blank during the day, my short term memory went to hell and I have trouble focusing on new things. It's like I'm not even human anymore. Some days I feel like it's even getting worse.

Another thing that really troubles me is that I'm still young: just 21 and I feel handicapped. My family also doesnt seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. I already had a ct-scan and it was negative, but I didn't tell the doctors everything, out of shame and fear.

I used to be very smart and now I feel like I've thrown it all away. The really sad part is that I've tried to quit twice before it was too late, but as soon as I got confronted with the 'evil' liquid, I couldn't help myself.

But on to my main question: can anybody ( preferably around the same age as me) reassure me even a little, from experience? Like, do you get even slightly better with long-term sobriety? I'm already doing my utmost: like taking vitamins, eating healthy, drinking water, sleeping enough... but then I feel like: is there still a point? Please, please help!

zerothehero 02-20-2015 06:34 AM

You're young. The brain and body are resilient. I felt much like you several months into sobriety, but it got better. And I drank and drugged for forty years.

Two suggestions:

Next time you see a doctor or counselor, be honest about your concerns and reasons for them. It will help them help you.

Check out Rick Hanson's "Hardwiring Happiness." It's about changing your neural structure through positive thinking. Anxiety is like being in fight or flight mode. It's like feeling like a rabbit being chased by a cheetah. Only in your case the cheetah isn't there.

It's not too late.

You say you paid with your life. I disagree.

You'll be okay. Believe it. Live it. Make it happen.

Anna 02-20-2015 07:07 AM

I really think you should talk to your dr about your concerns. Anxiety can cause a lot of physical problems, but you should try to find out what is going on.

Soberwolf 02-20-2015 08:10 AM

Welcome IPWML nice to meet you

least 02-20-2015 08:18 AM

Welcome to the family. :) A thorough check up with your doctor can put your mind at ease. Be honest about your drinking. Have you stopped drinking yet?

SR is a great place for support. :hug:

Aellyce 02-20-2015 08:29 AM

Hi, I agree with all the above posts, including the question about your current drinking state. I've experienced the weirdest things when I was drinking heavily, and especially when going through short cycles (2-3 days) of benders and abstinence, plenty of these. I seriously often thought I was losing my mind, I had cognitive problems, all sorts of weird sensations, insane emotional states, whatnot. It all went away after getting sober for good, including major anxiety. Do get yourself checked out thoroughly and be honest with the docs, as advised above. I was also very scared because no one seemed to understand what I was going through, they did not believe me... but I was hiding my drinking from everyone. Again, for me all that *** was related to active alcoholism.

Nowsthetime 02-20-2015 08:52 AM

Hi:

A neurologist once told me:

You can lie to your family, wife, teachers, boss, etc. but you should NEVER lie to your doctor.

If your concern is them "telling" on you, they can't because of privacy laws. If your concern is judgment, they have probably seen it all...

You are very young and you will get better if you make the needed changes.

Stick around here, we will support you.

Ps: I would also say, we shouln't lie to anybody ;)

ipaidwithmylife 02-20-2015 10:47 AM

Thanks everybody for the words of support. At the moment, I just don't know how to ever rebuild a fully functioning human being from these crumbled pieces. I just can't believe, what I've allowed myself to become. And I don't even have the energy to worry anymore. It's like I've turned into a zombie and life just happens for other people, while I sit through a day, which I'll probably end up forgetting half about, within a week.

Soberwolf 02-20-2015 10:57 AM

Hang on in there it gets a lot better

ipaidwithmylife 02-20-2015 12:09 PM

Thanks again, if you've got the time I'd like to learn how you've coped with sobriety, psychological difficulties and such. I would've pm'ed you, but I can't, because I'm new and don't have enough posts.

Nowsthetime 02-20-2015 12:42 PM

I would post those questions in the forum. That way you will get lots of answers and you will accumulate post so that you can PM.

PurpleKnight 02-22-2015 03:43 AM

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:


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