Soberjoy1

After the kicks, there's little old mixed-up me.

I don't know why I keep wanting to drink. Actually, I do. I have at least 1000 excuses, not reasons. I don't even enjoy it anymore. I have stopped and started, and it just has gotten harder. I am starting agsin tomorrow. If I can't keep it up then, I think I might as well give up.

courage2

Salgal, never give up!

A lot of us take a long time getting to (what we hope will be) our true last quit.

Learn from your mistakes -- what are you going to add to your plan to keep your commitment strong?

gracetuesday

Salgal, for a very long time, I absolutely refused to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic... I remember something one of the counselors used to say in my 4th treatment center: "acceptance and change.... i can't change what I won't accept..." There is a quote in the Big Book that I have on my door "until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober..."

There will ALWAYS be an excuse to drink.

There is a book I learned about here on SR - "Under the Influence." It has really opened my eyes about my physiological response to alcohol. One of the most profound passages I read was this: "Perhaps alcohol's most surprising property is its ability to relieve the distress it creates in the first place. An alcoholic suffering from withdrawal has only one priority: alcohol. A malnourished alcoholic does not want food; he wants alcohol. Alcoholics drink because drinking makes them feel good. Only when they stop drinking do they experience the full effect of alcohol's disruptions in the body."

That is precisely WHY I drank. Not because I am a loser, or a moral defective; but rather because booze soothed the disruptions in my nervous system it created in the first place. What a viscous cycle.

Wishing you a sober day tomorrow!

least

Do not give up!!! I had too many false starts, too many times I was ready to give up, but thanks to the people here (and my counselor) I kept trying, and now have over five years sober. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

ANewDayNYC

Hang in there Salgal - you can do this.

SoberLeigh

(((SalGal)))). Can you make tomorrow a little easier by pouring out what is left, drinking plenty of water, and heading off to sleep?

We are here for you.

biminiblue

Keep trying. You know what Dee always says - we don't leave our wounded.



or something like that


You'll figure it out. The misery will at some point convince you, I have a feeling.

Dee74

I took me 15 years to 'get it' salgal.
I got to the stage where I had to disregard my millions of reasons for drinking.

Drinking was killing me. It was time to giv e another way a chance,

It was hard going - but there's support here, and in the real world.

You can do this, salgal

D

Soberjoy1

I can't figure it out, excerpt that I am physically addicted. I have alcohol in the house, because of a family member visiting, and I gave in, a couple of weeks ago. I have been sober for a few days this week, but I reawakened the cravings. I am so damn tired of this!!!

Soberjoy1

Thank y'all. It is my sensible sober self who posts-she wants to be well!!

strategery

Salgal-you can do it. I wasn't sure if I could do it either. Please look after yourself and see a doctor tomorrow. If you are physically addicted, withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous.

Anna

Salgal, you can do this and you must not give up. I know it gets harder each time, it really does and it's scary, so make this time work.

I never keep alcohol in the house, ever. Having an alcohol-free home is so important to me.

Soberjoy1

Unfortunately, I can't control alcohol in my house. It will take a while. My brother drinks every night, often in front of me, and has basically said I have to quit on my own. He doesn't want to feel guilty about it.

I did quit on my own. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It is MY Choice, my responsibility.

Della1968

Do you live with your brother or is he staying with you? If it is your home you absolutely can control the alcohol in it.

Hevyn

Sal, I felt the same way many times. I now have 7 yrs. sober and I'll never go back to that sad world. You can do it!

Soberjoy1

It's a complicated story. Hopefully he is just visiting. He is an addict. Most of my family is.

Creekryder

As all others have said, I also chime in. Do not give up, Salgal. All of us have had those drink, don't drink, drink stages. Stay focused on how things are going to be so much better sober and aware, than drunk and detached. Many here to help you.

OnMyWay7

Don't give up. Nothing is worth giving up on you.

Soberjoy1

Thanks all of you!! I have to just keep on, I have been around booze without it bothering me, but that wasn't in the house. I have had a plan, but it needs tweeking obviously. But I will keep on, or die trying. And I am not being facetious-my father died of cirrhosis. I have seen it first hand.

Inchworm

I love the Rumi quote, Sal. You can do this.