awholenewlife52

Yep, think how good you will feel waking up tomorrow fresh and without a hangover, and how proud of yourself you'll be for remaining sober.

We're behind you, JadedGirl!

Adenough

No they haven't but thanks. Cravings really strong I hate this

SoberLeigh

I know; I ate a ton of ice cream in early days . . . .

Adenough

Thank you so much soberL

SoberLeigh

You are so welcome, Adenough.

Dee74

hope you got through that JadedGirl?

Did the links help adenough

D

JadedGirl

Home now. That was so much harder than I thought. Because my friends weren't drinking and was all old people (not drinking) thought would be ok but shocked me how hard this was. The wine was in front of me and just felt so tense. Head worrying about so many things and should have been out and relaxing but head full of everything I could possibly worry about and couldn't stop thinking about the bottle in my face. My friends were joking because I came out in a rash and because when the lady left (I thought she had gone) I commented she had firgotten her wine (I hadn't even noticed her coat, keys etc). Tunnel vision I suppose. My friend apologised after for making a joke but it was ok I'd rather people not tip toe around me and it wasn't that but I just felt more and more tense through the night. Managed to hold it together till I got home but minute I got in I just started crying. My hand was bleeding where I'd dug my nail in and hadn't even noticed. It doesn't help coming back to an empty house, it feels so lonely. Usually when my daughters not here I have my drink to keep me company. Feel stupid it was only ******* bingo FFs!! If I can't cope with that how am I gonna manage more difficult situations. Feel stupid and weak ATM. The woman was t even drinking the wine and I just couldn't get my head around her having a free bottle and not even drinking it. Sorry for the rant but I hate this!! Shouldn't be this hard!!

JadedGirl

Hope ur ok Hun xx

SoberLeigh

You did well, Jaded Girl, all things considered. You didn't make a bee-line for the bar; you didn't drink.

These situations will get easier, in time, I promise. It took quite some time but I can now go out and not be bothered or tempted by the sight, smell or color of the alcohol or the people drinking it.

Take a nice warm bath and head off to a peaceful sleep, JadedGirl.

JadedGirl

Can't even think about sleep at the moment I can't stop crying and feel so anxious just feel stupid and ridiculous I can't even go to bloody bingo without ending up a mess. All I can think about is just wishing I had t given up yet and was sitting here with my drink. Miss it so much it's stupid. Feel pathetic being in such a mess over something so bloody stupid. Hate being here alone too feel so lonely and feel stupid for that too should be used to it by now. 38 and feel I should be doing so much more with my life than sitting here feeling sorry for myself but just don't know what to do or where to start. Constantly worried about finances and stupid things I didn't used to think about so much when I was drinking. Feel like I've always been waiting for things to change and I'm still sat here worrying about stupid ****. Think I need to stop typing cz I'm just waffling now and talking crap, sorry xx

SoberLeigh

It's okay, Jaded Girl. This is what SR is about.

You are still on the emotional roller coaster that is so common in early sobriety and recovery; it will even out (in time - seems there is no way around that 'in time' thing).

Maybe we need to experience these emotions in order to heal and you ARE healing, JadedGirl; it is so evident in your threads.

Dee74

Things will not always be like this Jaded Girl. With continued abstinence and recovery we grow and change - the things that you focus on now will not be the things you focus on in a years time, or 5 years time....

I'm a strong believer in not putting yourself in difficult situations. Not yet. Build up those 'sober muscles' for a while.

No need to be a hermit - but be particular and cautious about what you do, where you go, and who with for a little while

D

JadedGirl

I'm sorry I was t going to post any more tonight because I'm aware of how sorry for myself I sound but literally don't know what to do with myself. Can't go on facebook because everything is pissing me off. Can't concentrate on tv or a book and nothing to do except for smoke and post. Tried to clean to take my mind off it but almost broke a cupboard door slamming it so hard so given up on that. Covered in scratches, like a nervous thing I think. Shouldn't be this hard. Somewhere I know I must be pretty ******* strong because I couldn't crave any more than I am right now but if this is how it feels I wish I wasn't so strong and could give in without knowing how much I'd hate myself after. Heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest it's going so hard and I know in 10 minutes I could be at the shop with a bottle. Why did I let myself get to this point? If I'd not been so stupid I could be enjoying a bottle right now like other people do. Just don't know what to do

Soberwolf

Hi JG i think you done great by not drinking

This is why its important to focus on just being sober for a bit dont beat yourself up your human you have realised there are limitations in early sobriety

I agree with D's post

The last 2 lines of your post is complete AV dont listen to that voice your going to be so much better off in sobriety JG trust me on that

Dee74

Have you tried any of the stuff soberleigh gave to adenough, JD?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

JadedGirl

Had a look but it's not really going in ATM. Certainly don't feel like dancing around the room tho. Cleaned my teeth and drunk some water but done **** so far. I'm sure it's all good stuff but I'm just in such a bad mood at the moment. going to make sure I take all my meds tonight for def. do t think makes much difference because been taking my mood stabiliser which is main one but my antidepressant I've been forgetting so gonna take that too and my b12 or whatever it is. can't even be assed to respond to other peoples threads tonight and feel awful that I'm not because that's not like me usually. I'm just horrible tonight sorry xx

akiba

Nice to hear you made it through the night and didn't give in to temptation. Keep it up and hang in there JadedGirl! No doubt it will get to get better and easier for you with time.

Soberwolf

JG these threads help with how you feel now & how to change the way you feel by surfing the urge

Well worth a try http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

or instead of reading there is a video on it also http://youtu.be/__0dNKJV0zo

IfYouCanDream

You did well JadedGirl. What matters is that you didn't drink.

Have a restful night, you'll feel so proud tomorrow morning xxx

JadedGirl

Starting to calm a bit. Talking to my friend who's having chemo. Makes me feel awful for feeling the way I am tonight and makes me realise how lucky I am really. Been a distraction too. Thanku to everyone for putting up with my rants tonight. Gonna be a long night I think but counselling in the morning too and spending some time with my mum and daughter so something to look forward to tomorrow. X