aistar

Hi,
I'm posting here because i feel so lonely and sad.I am sober and on antidepressant medication.I broke up with my bf and i know i did a good thing.I go to therapy and it's been good for me.I read here and i'm learning so much.I donno how to explain what i'm feeling now.My therapist says what i'm experiencing is growth pain!I feel sad when i think about the past(I'm trying not to!).It's like i slept like 10 years and now i wake up and see that i'm 31.The last 10 years i was always in a co-dependent sick relationships.It's like i was looking for drama.I can't believe this is the only 2 months in 10-12 years that i am not in any relatiomship!I don't know what should i do with myself. I am seeing now that i've been this big selfish emotional vampire all these years.I am not a grown up.I have no idea how to be responcible for my own life.I always blamed my parents for everything and ran away from my life...drinking..using..finding sick people to be friends/in a romantic relationship with.I undrestand that this is all past but it still hurts.
Thanks for listening.

SoberLeigh

Hi aistar; nice to see you again.

I agree with your therapist. Sobriety often involves a great deal of introspection and self-awareness and, in the process, we peel away the layers of our past, examine our experiences and emotions, and gradually shed our alcoholic skin so that we can grow sober-skin.

That process can be painful but the long-term benefits far outweigh the relatively short-term pain.

Entering into a new relationship at this time could be counterproductive; this is the time to put the focus solidly on yourself.

You don't have to go it alone, though; we are here for you.

Anna

Aistar, I understand how frustrating this is, but don't blame yourself. You're right, we do tend to blame parents and others for our issues, but it's not helpful for you to put all the blame for everything on yourself. We are all here in this earth school to learn and a lot of the lessons are painful. Be kind to yourself.

Esspee

Aistar, I can so relate to what you are saying. I'm 46 years old and have finally seen what a childish, immature idiot I've been for all my adult life.

I can't change what I've done (and sadly the one person I would love to make it up to died in Jan 1997) but I can learn from it and be a better person from now on.

OnMyWay7

Hi aistar. It does sound like growing pains and I'm sure it hurts. I think I'm experiencing some of the same ones but I'm 52. Whatever age - it's worth it. I hope you take some time and enjoy you. Find out what you want to do and just live.

I hope you have a warm day and can celebrate the growth you're having

aistar

Thank you guys,i am so lucky that i have you.I'm trying to be nice to myself.

SoberLeigh

Do be kind and gentle to aistar. She is important to us; there is only one of her.

biminiblue

Life is a continuing process of growth. I'm a lot older than you and I'm still learning.

When I was your age I went through the exact same things. I could have written your post verbatim at age 32. Fortunately for you - you have decided to change! This is going to be the best time of your life, if you finally decide to listen to your own counsel and make your own choices for what is good for aistar.


You are going to be okay - better than okay.

aistar

biminblue/ I'm just curious,didn't you decide or try to change, when you found out ?

LBrain

ai, sorry you are feeling so low...

just one recommendation: take this time for yourself. spend a good six months (or more) just being good to yourself without the distraction of another person to interfere with you finding yourself.
give yourself a chance to breathe, to grow and to enjoy just being alive with who you are at the moment. No expectations for or from anyone else. NO regrets. Just take it a day at a time and become yourself again.
Learn to enjoy life being who you are and with who you are becoming.

biminiblue

I'm not sure I am understanding your question...Yes. I changed 180 degrees. I was sick of feeling beat down and sick of allowing others to control my moods.

I read every self-help book known to woman. I read a lot of spiritual literature. Went to church, got baptized. Got therapy. Quit doing all the self-destructive things. Stood up to my over-bearing mother. Got divorced. Bought a house. Got a job.

Huge changes.


I never really paid much attention to drinking. I just quit when in the middle of all these changes. For 18 years I stayed quit. When I had several traumas in a short period of time, and inherited some money, I started living the life of a retired person. The alcohol sneaked back in and I felt I was okay with one or two a few times a week. It took about five years and I was drinking several every day and decided to quit again. It just sneaked up on me and wasn't something I wanted to continue.

Does that answer your question?

aistar

yes.Thank you.I didn't know you had 18 years of sobriety.

aistar

LBrain/ You are 100% right.I now realise that i don't have any friends.Lots of drinking buddies and party people,but NO friends.This really freaks me out.Now,without a boyfriend or some manipulation or drama going on around me,sober,I absolutely have no idea how should i spend my free time or what should i do by myself! I used to paint and read alot,it seems like i lost connection with me years ago.

Fly N Buy

aistar,

Great insights!
Many never get that far......good for you.

You're still very young, one day you'll realize that Your entire sober life is ahead of you. Keep working and embrace the pain.......

For those of us who started drinking at a young age, we did indeed mask our socialization learning skills with alcohol. We were kind of stuck at whatever age we first started.

That is already changing I can tell by your post. It takes time, but soon your life will take on new meaning and you will grow like crazy!

Hang in there, do the work necessary - Glad you're here, great thread!

aistar

Thank you.I'm thinking about doing the steps.Is it possible to do them alone?Without having a sponsor? I stil didn't try AA.

sugarbear1

you could try working those steps alone, but I found that working with another person was more helpful to me.

countrygirl2014

If you go to AA, you WILL make a friend or two. It is so important to me to have someone there when working the steps. They can give you some hands on work you can't find online. They get you out of your head, trust me, you are going to think too much when going through the steps. You are going to be face to face with the junk you were drinking away. I would try and find an AA meeting or some other group like that so you can start putting like minded people into your life. People who understand what you are going through, and love to help you get through the tough spots. You help them by asking for help.

Jennifer

aistar

yeah.I have to do it.I read something on another thread today like ''stop talking/thinking about it and do it!''
Tomorrow i have to work,but there is a meeting sunday that i can attend.I don't know why it is so hard for me to go,even thinking about it makes me anxious.

countrygirl2014

I was anxious too. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a Half hour trying to figure out what alcoholics looked like, lol! I didn't know if I was in the right place or anything. In my head, it was embarrassing, anxious, scary, bad. In real life it was comforting, uplifting, serene and just wow. I felt so not alone after that first meeting. Be open to all suggestions

Jennifer