Bad day, struggling with triggers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 174
Bad day, struggling with triggers.
OK, made it through most of this month (apart from two nights) sober.
Now, something happened at work. Not going to go into it, as it's pretty minor. But its set off a depressive episode. Feel pretty low right now - first time I've felt like this for a long time. Don't feel I want to do anything except sit at my computer. Usually, most nights, I go for a run & walk of at least 10km. Something which has, along with almost completely cutting out alcohol plus switching to a vegetarian diet, caused me to drop a few pounds since New Years.
But don't think that's going to happen.
But whilst I'm not an alcoholic per se - don't really have any kind of physiological addiction, I have struggled with mental dependency. And right now, I'm in a bad place. So the urges to go out and get some beers are pretty strong. But pretty sure I can hold it.
Just wish I could at least cry a bit. I'd feel better if I could at least let it all out. But right now, feel to dead to even manage a few tears.
I've been doing so, so well since I moved to Chiang Rai. And especially since New Years.
Just hope I can hold it together, just for a couple of weeks more. Then we've got the long holiday coming up, upon which I can go to a Buddhist monastery I've stayed at before, do some meditation for a few weeks and really, really sort my head out.
Anyways that's pretty much all, I guess. Feels slightly better having typed it all out. Just hoping to at the very least make it until tomorrow morning sober, and with chores around the flat, laundry etc done.
Agag x
Now, something happened at work. Not going to go into it, as it's pretty minor. But its set off a depressive episode. Feel pretty low right now - first time I've felt like this for a long time. Don't feel I want to do anything except sit at my computer. Usually, most nights, I go for a run & walk of at least 10km. Something which has, along with almost completely cutting out alcohol plus switching to a vegetarian diet, caused me to drop a few pounds since New Years.
But don't think that's going to happen.
But whilst I'm not an alcoholic per se - don't really have any kind of physiological addiction, I have struggled with mental dependency. And right now, I'm in a bad place. So the urges to go out and get some beers are pretty strong. But pretty sure I can hold it.
Just wish I could at least cry a bit. I'd feel better if I could at least let it all out. But right now, feel to dead to even manage a few tears.
I've been doing so, so well since I moved to Chiang Rai. And especially since New Years.
Just hope I can hold it together, just for a couple of weeks more. Then we've got the long holiday coming up, upon which I can go to a Buddhist monastery I've stayed at before, do some meditation for a few weeks and really, really sort my head out.
Anyways that's pretty much all, I guess. Feels slightly better having typed it all out. Just hoping to at the very least make it until tomorrow morning sober, and with chores around the flat, laundry etc done.
Agag x
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
For me drinking because i'm angry or sad dosn't help with dealing with the issues .
You still have your problems but with less money and a pounding head ache .
Drinking and the things it "gives" are delusions all it does is take away .
It's a neuro-toxin with good advertising .
Bestwishes, m
You still have your problems but with less money and a pounding head ache .
Drinking and the things it "gives" are delusions all it does is take away .
It's a neuro-toxin with good advertising .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
For many years now 2 primary reasons I and most people could not get and stay sober is self honesty and not accepting that we are addicted to alcohol. We played many games to be able to drink which became total failures leading to more misery.
We had to get honest with ourself about out drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety. We stopped fighting something that is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious, ALCOHOL.
Yes it may have been our close friend for a period then it turned to become our worst enemy that leads to a miserable life and death.
BE WELL
For many years now 2 primary reasons I and most people could not get and stay sober is self honesty and not accepting that we are addicted to alcohol. We played many games to be able to drink which became total failures leading to more misery.
We had to get honest with ourself about out drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety. We stopped fighting something that is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious, ALCOHOL.
Yes it may have been our close friend for a period then it turned to become our worst enemy that leads to a miserable life and death.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 68
Hi Agag, congratulations on holding out as much as you have so far, and I hope you were able to hold out another evening.
You mention meditation (the Buddhist temple sounds amazing, by the way), have you tried meditating at home before? During my stronger times, prior to falling to alcoholism, I became practiced enough to be able to meditate on the bus and train to work - it always helped soothe and calm me.
Post post and post some more on these forums, post as much as you need and like. We're all here for you.
Seb.
You mention meditation (the Buddhist temple sounds amazing, by the way), have you tried meditating at home before? During my stronger times, prior to falling to alcoholism, I became practiced enough to be able to meditate on the bus and train to work - it always helped soothe and calm me.
Post post and post some more on these forums, post as much as you need and like. We're all here for you.
Seb.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 174
Thanks guys. Means a lot. I managed to make it through the night sober, in the end. Still feel depressed and suchlike, but at least my head's booze-free. Only thing wrong now is depleted serotonin levels.
Reason I don't think the term 'alcoholic' applies to me, is that it seems to depend on my state of mind. When I've been in a good place, even last year, I've gone to the bar, bought a beer, had a few sips, and pretty much forgotten about it, while talking and laughing etc.
But when I'm in a bad place, that doesn't apply. And the urges come.
Ultimately, we're talking about the difference between addiction & psychological dependency - another example of this being weed. Whilst weed isn't addictive per se, I have known people become dependent on it - if there was a drought on, they'd become moody & grumpy.
But regardless, all I need to know is I need to not drink. Right now, I've been doing amazingly well since New Years - wasn't so many months ago when the thought of going without a drink or smoke for just one day was unthinkable for me. Now I can go for weeks at a time without one. Without even missing it very much. Even when meeting friends in bars, I've been able to just sip on tea or fruit shakes (Thailand's good for the latter).
I do sometimes meditate at home, but kinda lax at it. Just hoping a few weeks at the mountain forest monastery will get me back in practice.
Feeling pretty ****** right now, but still sober, and focused, and know what I need to do. Just got one more week of classes left at my school to teach - which will be tests anyway, so it'll be easy on me. Think teachers have then got to be at school a week or so more, basically doing nothing. Then I can get my arse to the monastery for some healing.
Reason I don't think the term 'alcoholic' applies to me, is that it seems to depend on my state of mind. When I've been in a good place, even last year, I've gone to the bar, bought a beer, had a few sips, and pretty much forgotten about it, while talking and laughing etc.
But when I'm in a bad place, that doesn't apply. And the urges come.
Ultimately, we're talking about the difference between addiction & psychological dependency - another example of this being weed. Whilst weed isn't addictive per se, I have known people become dependent on it - if there was a drought on, they'd become moody & grumpy.
But regardless, all I need to know is I need to not drink. Right now, I've been doing amazingly well since New Years - wasn't so many months ago when the thought of going without a drink or smoke for just one day was unthinkable for me. Now I can go for weeks at a time without one. Without even missing it very much. Even when meeting friends in bars, I've been able to just sip on tea or fruit shakes (Thailand's good for the latter).
I do sometimes meditate at home, but kinda lax at it. Just hoping a few weeks at the mountain forest monastery will get me back in practice.
Feeling pretty ****** right now, but still sober, and focused, and know what I need to do. Just got one more week of classes left at my school to teach - which will be tests anyway, so it'll be easy on me. Think teachers have then got to be at school a week or so more, basically doing nothing. Then I can get my arse to the monastery for some healing.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
It was my attachment to being a normal drinker that caused me a lot of pain when i wasn't a normal drinker .
Like having two cars , my sober one that gets me to where i want to go 100% of the time reliably or the drinking one that spins me off the highway every 5, 10, 20, 50 or 75 % of the time with unknown and possibly fatal consequences .
Just give up , drop it , never touch it again . It's a lot easier
Take care , m
Like having two cars , my sober one that gets me to where i want to go 100% of the time reliably or the drinking one that spins me off the highway every 5, 10, 20, 50 or 75 % of the time with unknown and possibly fatal consequences .
Just give up , drop it , never touch it again . It's a lot easier
Take care , m
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Whether you're a sun up to sun down alcoholic like me, or an alcohol abuser, are alcohol dependant or you're self medicating with alcohol there's better ways to deal with things I think AGAGONNHOJ
I'm glad you got through tonight. The more things we face sober the more we learn to do without booze.
D
I'm glad you got through tonight. The more things we face sober the more we learn to do without booze.
D
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