VikingGF

Welcome to the posting side, so glad to have you join us. Lots of us are very poor at asking for help. Maybe that's part of why we end up the way we do- addicted to something that seems like it will help when it really does not.

Lots of good people and advice here for you, which you must already know. Sharing here can be hard, but it's worth it. We are all listening!

Dee74

How's it going NearSyncope?

D

NearSyncope

Thanks for asking Dee. I'm not doing well at all. I'm very discouraged and feeling very hopeless. I just don't feel like I have the strength to start rebuilding my life from scratch again. I'm about to see my therapist and have to see my doctor again next week but just don't know what they're going to do that all the other therapists and doctors I've seen haven't. Last time I trusted someone and got badly hurt I swore I'd never let that happen again because I didn't think I could survive it happening one more time. Now it has and I'm barely hanging on. And I'm terrified to try to reach out to or trust anyone else. I'm stuck. I've exhausted every resource I have and begged for help from everyone in my life that I thought might be able to help and none of them are willing or able. I'm just exhausted, I feel like a terrible person, I don't want to die, but I don't know if I want to live this life any more. That's where I am today. Thanks for asking.

Dee74

Rebuilding my life was a slow process NS.

It all starts with being clean and sober tho...from there you do a bit each day to create the life you want.

It can be as simple as getting out for a walk or meditating some days. The bits will soon add up

The despair you feel is transient. This is not your new sober life - this is the transitional phase

D

NearSyncope

Thanks Dee. I've been trying as hard as I can, and although I feel stuck and worthless I'm trying to give myself credit for the things I've been doing to try to rebuild my life again. Since the last major trauma I had two weeks ago which really put me over the edge I've sought out substance abuse counseling, gotten a new mental health counselor, finally got up the courage to post here, started keeping a gratitude journal to try to help with positive thinking, have been working on getting time off from work, have been thinking about detox, have been seeking out information about substance abuse and codependency, and started tracking my eating and weight loss and how they may relate to trauma and stress. I'm trying.

I know I should probably go to meetings but they really terrify me, and having been hurt so badly every other time I've trusted anyone, including most recently just two weeks ago, I just can't bring myself to make myself vulnerable and try to trust anyone else again. I wish so much that I had never trusted the person that hurt me most recently, because I'm hurting so much right now, worse than I ever have before. I've spent my whole life getting the message that I'm not worth anyone's time or effort, and that all I do is make people miserable, that I really believe that. Maybe that's all too much to share for this forum, if so I'm sorry...

Dee74

I think a lot of us got that message.

The thing is...how long do you want to carry that baggage around?

D