countrygirl2014

Sometimes my significant other will say some really good life stuff...which catches me by surprise considering his active heavy drinking status.
I spend too much time going over things that can't be changed. Stuff in the past. How do you retrain your brain, let go of those past thought and focus on the present?

Jennifer

Thepatman

It takes practice. As soon as my mind starts to wonder on things in the future, I count my immediate blessings. However I sometimes let myself visualize positive things for my future.
Gives something to hang on to.

Magellan

Like it says below...if you focus on what you left behind, you will never see what lies ahead...it is one of my favorite quotes and it is from a kid movie...haha

Sebastian84

Hi Jennifer, that's a great question. I remember a period of about 3 months in my life (prior to succumbing to alcohol), where I became more present than I'd ever been. I did it after reading a book called 'The Power of Now', written by Eckhart Tolle, and applying some of the principles he writes about in it.

I have never been more at peace in my life than during those three months, I almost radiated calm apparently, and was even told I had never been more engaging or pleasant to be around. The feeling can almost be described as constantly being in a state of relaxed meditation, it's wonderful.

I forget unfortunately now those principles, but it's something I'll definitely be looking into once I begin getting this devil off my back. I highly recommend you seek out 'The Power of Now', or even Google Eckhart Tolle, I'm sure some of his ideas can be found online and applied to your life.

Seb.

Db1105

As Patman said, practice. I was fortunate or unfortunate that when I got sober, I had absolutely nothing in my life except a roof over my head at my parents house. On top of that I was a unemployed high school drop out. So, I had a lot to work on. In addition to meetings, step work and service work, I set goals for my life. First job, then education. It took years, now when I look back, it's all good.

strategery

For me, I realize the past cannot be changed. The only thing I am in control of is now. By continuing to move forward in sobriety, I don't have to have those same regrets or make those same mistakes.

countrygirl2014

Thanks for all the great advice! I will make room for that book this week. I think it is very important in my recovery to change my thought process at this point. I almost feel stalled because of it.

Jennifer

Nonsensical

Sober living is a marathon, not a sprint. Train accordingly.

Sebastian84

I've just checked on YouTube Jennifer, and Eckhart Tolle actually has many videos online that you can check out for free. Check him out if you get a chance, it's unbelievable when you find out he's almost 70 - he looks as if he's in his 40's! A bit of a testament to the power of living in the present I think.

sugarbear1

get through those steps. our thought processes take time to change.

focus on now, what can I accomplish now? If a thought pops in about the past, we can't change that now, so let it go.....if I think about the future and I can't do anything about it now, let it go....

this takes time. utube has lots of meditations and stuff about living in the now....

be gentle with yourself, we didn't get like this over night and we can't change over night, either

IOAA2

Hi.
After a lot of years sober the thing I still use is “accept the things I can’t change.”
That’s people places and things. Much of what I drank for. Didn’t say I work it all the time but mostly.

BE WELL

LBrain

have you tried meditation? it does wonders

mns1

Jennifer,

Living in the here and now is something I make a priority to do. But I still struggle from time to time not to dwell on my past or worry about my future. There's nothing wrong with that, it's part of being human. But living in the present certainly has its advantages.

For me, it was about accepting that the present is all I have control over. I can't change my past, and I can't necessarily write my future. I can only use the present to atone for any mistakes of the past and help shape the direction of my future. I used to sit around hoping that my problems would just somehow magically disappear. But what ended up happening was I would just go through the motions every day, day after day, and before I knew it I was still stuck in the same exact spot.

For me, hope is an active process. It is the belief that if I use the precious moments of the present day to the best of my ability, it will pay off for me in the form of a brighter future. But I must focus on the only thing I have any control over, and that is the here and now.

The only aspect of the future that I focus on is my vision of the life I am currently building. It is like a lighthouse in the distance. And the only way to reach it is to tread the water I am currently in.

Stay focused and never lose sight of your goals.

More power to you!

bigsombrero

Watch this. It's worth 5 minutes of your time. It's all about the "Power of Now". Even in the present, we are always looking over our shoulder, anticipating what might come next. We are always solving problems. It's worthwhile to realize we can just drop those problems, if only for a moment....

countrygirl2014

Wow...that was extremely liberating, panicking, humbling and hopeful all at the same time. Thank you for that

Jennifer

Kaneda8888

I second reading up on Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now. A great book. Also research Mindfulness practice and yes, meditation is very helpful !

melki

I triple second Eckhart Tolle suggestion, and not just that book. Living in the present is the best way to live. It helps being aware when you're not.

least

I try hard to learn from my dogs and cats. They live in the now, don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow. We go for the same walk every day but to them, it's always new.

A favorite quote from A Tree Grows In Brooklyn goes like this: To see everything as though for the first time or the last time, thus will your days on earth be filled with glory.

serenityfreedom

For me it was the 12 steps of A.A. The only step that even mentions alcohol is the first one. The remaining 11 are about how to live life on life's terms without it. Through sponsorship and working these steps I got over the guilt and resentments of my past and learned to stay in today. If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, your pissing all over today. I know A.A. isn't for everyone but it was the only thing that worked for me,after 30 years of trying to do it MY way.
peace-Jonathan

Namaste63

Another Eckart Tolle fan here. We have to train our minds to stop wondering away from the present moment. Yesterday's regrets and tomorrow's anxieties do keep us away from the stillness of the present moment. I have never been anxious or regretful in this moment, it only happens when I let my mind travel. The type of meditation Tolle teaches in his books is very similar to mindfulness meditation and it helps us train our ever wondering minds to stay focused on the task at hand.