I blew it.
 

I did the bad thing on Friday. It was choice and the wrong one. I went out and didn't just drink but got drunk. I let some guy hit on me even though I have a boyfriend. All I did was talk to him but I shouldn't have once he started trying to bust a move. I spent yesterday sick all day. I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start again. I had been romanticizing drinking and allowing my mind to linger..... the reality is very different, it never ends well. I had been thinking of just keeping it to myself and not fessing up on here but that feels sneaky and deceptive, I don't want to be that way. I had 51 days and I can do it again. All those sober days felt good and drinking made me feel awful. I learned a valuable lesson. When I was drinking all the time I'd gotten used to the hangovers.... yesterday was rough. I don't want to feel that way again.

Sorry about your setback.

Perhaps next time instead of going out you could do something else? Visit family, stay home, watch a movie?

If you keep going on the edge of the volcano you will keep falling in. Just stay away from the fire.

what are you going to do differently tho Zenchaser? :)

D

Remember to not get down on yourself...something very important and very valuable happened yesterday. Of course it would have been better not to drink. But since you did it obviously reveals a problem or an issue in your sobriety plan. So please spend some time today and go over hour by hour what happened that lead you to the point that you raised glass to lips. Once you identify that flaw...start fixing it. Make a plan for the next time you get to "that place" whatever that is. So if you capitalize on this slip up you can make HUGE gains off of it! : )

I told this to someone else. In the US Army Special Forces they have a saying...don't train until you get something right (which most of us do)...instead train until you get it WRONG. Because for a true professional that will highlight the flaw in your training and the error in your plan. So now you can fix it.

Im at 48 days. Im afraid to drink even once because I know if I woke up hungover and feeling like crap I'd start drinking again. Like that morning. That's just how my drinking went. I'm out of that cycle and so afraid to go back. Just start over today. This is my 4th try at sobriety in the last 4 years or so. This is the furthest I've made it. I usually fail after a few weeks. A month tops. But I learned from every experience and failure. I learned strategies and what my mistakes were. Just start again and keep trying till you get it right.

In AA we learn that quite often the insane thinking usually begins long before the first drink and we feed it because we are alcoholics who fail to remember when and what got us here, it wasn’t the fun we were/are having.

I was also taught to think about not drinking when a thought of drinking entered my insane thinking. It works IF we work it!

BE WELL

Glad you are right back here trying again. :hug:

What am I going to do differently is the million dollar question! I don't know... I'm going to have to give that one some thought.
I was feeling really cooped up... Like I wasn't finding much pleasure in my life.... go to work come home, take care of everyone, watch tv, rinse and repeat. It was that old thinking that I could control it, just have a few. It's crazy because I KNOW that I can't just have a few. I think I kept talking and thinking about getting out and finding new activities to distract myself and replace the old behaviors but I never actually did anything about it. I should of gone to the gym after work. I should of listened to my boyfriend who told me it was a bad idea. I should of logged on here. I should of even gone to that secular AA meeting I found that happens on a Friday night. But I made my decision. I remember hearing someone say once that nothing will ruin a drinking career better that a long period of sobriety... I kept thinking about that yesterday while my head throbbed and I was filled with remorse. I really did learn a valuable lesson... maybe I needed to remind myself of how bad it was and why I had given it up.

Sorry to hear this. Did you go out with friends? I see more people go back out because they aren't socializing with people, which is (to me) really about the most important thing you can do in life. I start to get really antsy if I spend to much time alone, and this is very different than simply being bored and not doing things.

"What am I going to do differently is the million dollar question!"


An idea from someone as old as dirt and may be in this age un doable.

Try many meetings and become ACTIVE in several groups to associate with sober people and help other alcoholics.

I needed to forget the image I had of God and choose my own Higher Power which is the spirit of Mother Nature. I’m sitting in a NE blizzard now and it has far more power than anything I can ever imagine.

BE WELL

Jazzfish.... yes I went out with a friend. I had been being very antisocial. Most of my circle are people who I would go drinking with... I had been avoiding everyone. But when my friend left I did not go home. I stayed in the bar and kept drinking with a guy who I kind of know... I don't know.... it's all kind of vague.... my tolerance was down so it didn't take much to get me sauced. It's not going to happen again. It's not the life that I want. I ****** up but it doesn't have to mean that I go back to my old ways... I can move forward with a good solid reminder that drinking and me don't jive. I don't know why I'm so thick that I had to prove to myself once again what I already knew.

Yes, those hangovers suck. A good reminder to help us stay sober.

I think a lot of people have those two-steps-back incidents. Sometimes you feel the urge to wave your hand over the flame and see if fire is still hot.

If from this you learn to not make the choice to drink next time around then it was part of progress. If not, then you are just spinnin' them wheels. So let's dust off, write it off as a lesson learned, and next time go someplace that isn't a bar.

Those withdrawals are crushing. That's part of why I don't go back; definitely was getting too old to deal with feeling awful for several days

... and you don't have to. Congrats on picking yourself up. A slip up is a set back, but you've decided to say sober. Learn from this, learn what triggered it, and just take it one day at a time

Welcome 'back', zenchaser. I am sorry for your experience but if, in the process, you acquired rock-solid/never, ever again resolve and commitment, you gained something very valuable to sobriety and recovery. Hold on tight to it.

maybe I needed to remind myself of how bad it was and why I had given it up.

That's one of the things I get out of AA meetings, hearing first hand about the experiences of others. It helps keep me grounded.

Maybe go back to the basics.

When I first stopped drinking I kept it really simple. "Today I will not drink, no matter what."

All the rest of the noise in my head, "I need to do this. I need to do that. I need new friends, I should do more exercise, I have to clean my house, I need to get a job, I should go to church, I should call someone and make social plans, I need, I should, I need, I should...."

Exhausting.

So. I will not drink today. If I get that right, I've won.

All the other stuff? Not nearly as important - it will get done or it won't.

I will not drink today.

Ta da. Simples.

Thanks guys. I'm feeling pretty beat up. I made the wrong decision... I chose to dance with the devil. I feel like the woman who took home the snake and then acted surprised when she got bit. I don't like myself when I drink, I don't like the way I behave and I don't like how I loose control. This is not going to happen again.

Welcome back, Zen! Sorry about your "mishap", but you are back on track, just a little wiser today......lesson learned!

I feel just like you do. Same merry go round, different day. I'm dusting myself off too. I've had hundreds of moments like this one, what will be different this time? Great question right? I'm sure the answer for me is jumy into sobriety with both feet and be willing to be willing to change.
We can both do this zenchaser .... :)