Scared of today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
Scared of today
Hello everyone. I am nervous of this site. Nervous of having decided today will be my first day not drinking. No one knows. There's really no one to tell anyhow. I have been drinking almost 30 odd years. The last 12/14 years nearly every night. Lately it's every night. Nothushe amounts...maybe half to three quaters bottle of wine per night. I function still quite well...work full time and weirdly still have a good reputation for what I do for a living. But...I know I am dependent on alcohol. I have no family and few friends...and my partner just broke up with me (he had been treating me quite poorly for some time) but I couldn't stay away. So now I have...am 3 weeks into our ending. Heartbroken, but know I probably also had a kind of addiction to him too. So maybe all you more experienced at this feel I am taking on too much in one go...? I mean trying to stay away from both him and now alcohol? I know it's probably not the right time to do this but it's never the right time. I joined AA about 10 months ago but only stayed sober about 2 months. Then wandered away. I have only recently started to really think about all this and am scared. I really don't have any family. My friends don't know of my alcohol problem...I am posting here because I don't want this problem to remain hidden anymore and need to start somewhere. So...I intend not to have a drink tonight. God only knows how I will get on. Thankyou for reading and any help much appreciated...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR!
Sounds like both are toxic to you. And both addictions, the bottle and the relationship most likely feed each other. Something goes wrong with relationship drink. Trying to quit drinking and feeling depressed and sad, go back to relationship.
Kill the 2 birds with one stone is my advice to you. Time to walk on your own and learn to fall in love with yourself. You deserve it!!
Be kind to yourself. Happy you found us!
Sounds like both are toxic to you. And both addictions, the bottle and the relationship most likely feed each other. Something goes wrong with relationship drink. Trying to quit drinking and feeling depressed and sad, go back to relationship.
Kill the 2 birds with one stone is my advice to you. Time to walk on your own and learn to fall in love with yourself. You deserve it!!
Be kind to yourself. Happy you found us!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 19
Hi Littlebear
I am FAR from an expert...but the first few days I was sober I thought the SAME thing..don't know what I will do. I used to be a wine drinker as well. Perhaps a few glasses while you watch tv? I don't know what your ritual is. That was mine. So one of the easiest things to do right out of the gate to make it easier and to alleviate that "how will I get on" feeling is to REPLACE the wine. Otherwise, you will just be at home...not drinking wine...not doing anything...and that stinks. So perhaps go out and shop for some nice anti-oxidant rich tea? Go pick up a really healthy fresh juice (not the bottled stuff) and have that instead of the wine...at the same time you would normally have the wine...do a swap...the old switcheroo on your brain...and after a few days you will start to settle into your NEW habit.
I am FAR from an expert...but the first few days I was sober I thought the SAME thing..don't know what I will do. I used to be a wine drinker as well. Perhaps a few glasses while you watch tv? I don't know what your ritual is. That was mine. So one of the easiest things to do right out of the gate to make it easier and to alleviate that "how will I get on" feeling is to REPLACE the wine. Otherwise, you will just be at home...not drinking wine...not doing anything...and that stinks. So perhaps go out and shop for some nice anti-oxidant rich tea? Go pick up a really healthy fresh juice (not the bottled stuff) and have that instead of the wine...at the same time you would normally have the wine...do a swap...the old switcheroo on your brain...and after a few days you will start to settle into your NEW habit.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
I'm the same sort of wine drinker, or was. I'm three months sober and feeling better and better. You are making the best choice, giving up your two addictions at the same time. I don't believe you will be able to move forward in a healthy way from the break-up if you don't break up with the wine as well. Alcohol is a depressant. Stay with us, wander back to AA, tell your friends. It's the start of a new life and you can make it the life you've hardly dared dream of.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome littlebear 
Nothing to be nervous of here - just a lot of people who know what you're going through.
I spent a lot of time here at SR in my early days - it really helped to know I was with people who understood
Wishing you the best on day one
D
Nothing to be nervous of here - just a lot of people who know what you're going through.
I spent a lot of time here at SR in my early days - it really helped to know I was with people who understood
Wishing you the best on day one
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
" I joined AA about 10 months ago but only stayed sober about 2 months. Then wandered away."
In my experience I believe the expression “If it works don’t fix it.”
It and many programs will work IF we work them. It takes work and change, even if we don’t want to, to remain sober. When we get sober the world is not going to change and the things we drank over are still there, therefore the need to adapt and change. It’s a slow learning process but attained by millions world wide.
If we put as much energy into sobriety as into drinking it will be a snap.
BE WELL
" I joined AA about 10 months ago but only stayed sober about 2 months. Then wandered away."
In my experience I believe the expression “If it works don’t fix it.”
It and many programs will work IF we work them. It takes work and change, even if we don’t want to, to remain sober. When we get sober the world is not going to change and the things we drank over are still there, therefore the need to adapt and change. It’s a slow learning process but attained by millions world wide.
If we put as much energy into sobriety as into drinking it will be a snap.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 128
Hello littlebear.
I am new in my recovery after many, many years of drinking and as many attempts to stop.
I was scared to join SR, but it has been the very thing that helped me to stop. Not only that, I have learned so much about staying sober from the incredible people here. I went back to AA as well.
Welcome and we are here to support you. You can rebuild your life.
I am new in my recovery after many, many years of drinking and as many attempts to stop.
I was scared to join SR, but it has been the very thing that helped me to stop. Not only that, I have learned so much about staying sober from the incredible people here. I went back to AA as well.
Welcome and we are here to support you. You can rebuild your life.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
An especially warm welcome to you, Little bear, from someone who was born in Exeter and is extremely proud to say so! 
One of the most unexpected consequences of giving up drinking for me was the increase in my self-esteem. I gradually found that I was smiling more and more, that I was happy from the inside out and that I actually started to like myself. The more I stayed sober, the better I felt psychologically and the greater the goodness I could see in the world and in myself.
Who would ever have thought that saying no to that first drink would bring all this? But it did, Littlebear, everything stemmed from that. And I am no youngster - I was 52 when I had my last drink, so it's never too late.
You've made a brilliant decision in joining this site. There is so much wisdom, generosity and humanity to be found here. I am no longer ashamed of the problem I have - how could I be, when I think of the people who are posting, they are brave and they are strong and they are walking the very same path? You're not alone, my friend, and you too can write a new life for yourself.
Stay close to SR, read lots, post lots, and trust. Life will get better, I promise xxx
One of the most unexpected consequences of giving up drinking for me was the increase in my self-esteem. I gradually found that I was smiling more and more, that I was happy from the inside out and that I actually started to like myself. The more I stayed sober, the better I felt psychologically and the greater the goodness I could see in the world and in myself.
Who would ever have thought that saying no to that first drink would bring all this? But it did, Littlebear, everything stemmed from that. And I am no youngster - I was 52 when I had my last drink, so it's never too late.
You've made a brilliant decision in joining this site. There is so much wisdom, generosity and humanity to be found here. I am no longer ashamed of the problem I have - how could I be, when I think of the people who are posting, they are brave and they are strong and they are walking the very same path? You're not alone, my friend, and you too can write a new life for yourself.
Stay close to SR, read lots, post lots, and trust. Life will get better, I promise xxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Welcome Littlebear. I also was a wine drinker - it used to be 1/2 to a bottle a night but it progressed over time and I added in vodka. People are very surprised that I say I’m an alcoholic because they never saw me drunk and didn’t know I drank in isolation each night.
Anyway - onto you. I think now is a great time to stop. You want to stop and now that he’s left you he’s not in the way to cause drama or anything. And once you stop you might get more self-esteem and then you would have just had to deal with leaving him - so maybe he did you a favor. You deserve to be sober for you and deserve to be treated well.
Post often and we're here if you want to chat...
Anyway - onto you. I think now is a great time to stop. You want to stop and now that he’s left you he’s not in the way to cause drama or anything. And once you stop you might get more self-esteem and then you would have just had to deal with leaving him - so maybe he did you a favor. You deserve to be sober for you and deserve to be treated well.
Post often and we're here if you want to chat...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR, Littlebear.
Great advice above.
Wine was my poison, too. I agree with the others that alcohol and an unhealthy relationship can feed on each other making both worse. Giving up the wine will likely provide increased clarity with regard to the health of the relationship and life issues, on general.
Glad you found us, Littlebear.
We are here for you.
Great advice above.
Wine was my poison, too. I agree with the others that alcohol and an unhealthy relationship can feed on each other making both worse. Giving up the wine will likely provide increased clarity with regard to the health of the relationship and life issues, on general.
Glad you found us, Littlebear.
We are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
Hi to you all again. Well i didnt have a drink tonight. This is only my 2nd ever time trying to stop drinking. Think I have been drinking for about 30 odd years...anyway a long time. The last time was last year when I stayed sober for only 2 months. Tonight was soooo...ooo very difficult. It cried, and several times convinced myself i would just pour one small glass of red wine...i really wanted it but didnt. I know its only one night but it feels awesome to me. Also feel a combination of feeling a bit silly talking to you all when i dont know you...about this up until now secret of me drinking every night...and, relief that i have. I am very grateful I can end the day saying thank you to all of you for sort of keeping me company in this day. I don't ever join forums so am a wee bit naive about how it all goes but guess I will learn. You all seem so friendly
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You're doing well littlebear
Check out our Class of February support thread too - it's for everyone quitting this month.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-18.html
D
Check out our Class of February support thread too - it's for everyone quitting this month.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-18.html
D
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