Findingtheway

So yesterday I passed a test of sorts. Here it is in a nutshell.

I said an innocent comment to my GF that was taken the wrong way. Immediately I was put in the all too familiar situation of being on defence/back tracking mode.

But I stopped...realized I was NOT in the wrong. And I was in control of how I wanted to react to the situation. The fact that another human being was angry over something that I said was not in my immediate control.

How I wanted to react was. So i calmy said how you are reacting here is a result of your feelings...I am not responsible for how you are feeling right now.

After this came the...This is just like how you acted in situation X years ago...and I still haven't forgiven you for that and ANGER ANGER ANGER.

My response was calm. I'm sorry that's how I used to act. I don't act that way any longer. In a sense it was me giving her a living amends/apology.

I was wrong in the past, but at the moment I wasn't acting the same as before.

This was key for me. In the past I would avoid facing situations like this...and the result would be RESENTMENT and it would fester and boil.

The resentment would be two fold. Anger at her for acting his way...and self hatred for not saying anything.

It's not the way I want to live anymore. By not retreating to my old ways I was able to actively work the steps/a better way of living.

I had a moment of serenity as a result of it.

I'm growing in recovery. And thought I would share the story.

Have a sober day everyone.

SoberLeigh

Good job, finding. Allowing resentments never worked well for me, either.

tommyinphilly

That's really incredible. It's awesome how behaving normally is a big accomplishment to us alcoholics but it is. Congratulations on your sobriety and in particular realizing that you can only control so much

PurpleKnight

A popular title on SR is "x/y/z happened so I drank" rather than "a/b/c happened and I found ANOTHER way to deal with the situation!!"

Great job on pushing through!! Onwards in your recovery!!