Abandoned at rock bottom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 6
Abandoned at rock bottom
I have officially hit my rock bottom. My boyfriend has left me because of my drinking. I don't drink all the time, but when I do I don't know when to stop. All of my insecurities, fear, pain rise to the surface and I become the worst possible version of myself. I say despicable things that I would normally never say. I turn violent when I would normally never hurt a fly. Thursday night was the breaking point for my boyfriend. He has left me. He was the love of my life. I'm 34 with a young daughter. My father is dead and my mother is 2 states away. I have no support system here. I'm acknowledging my problem. I'm crying out for help. I'm asking him for help. I'm going to start counseling and AA on Monday. How can the person you love leave you when you need them the most? I'm absolutely heartbroken.
Last edited by theend1980; 02-14-2015 at 02:23 AM. Reason: misspelled word
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 19
The best thing about finally hitting rock bottom is that sometimes that is where we have to go to get better. It happened that way for me. So no matter how difficult you think recovery will be...it will never be as difficult as being at rock bottom. It will never hurt as bad as being at rock bottom. Therefore...each day will be better than the one you are experiencing right now. And when you come to that realization, it is a pretty awesome feeling.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi and welcome theend 
I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found us - you'll find a lot of support here.
I pushed a lot of people away with my drinking - now, I wish it wasn't so but every one has their breaking point.
You can recover and rebuild your life - maybe not exactly as it was, but maybe even better?
D
I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found us - you'll find a lot of support here.
I pushed a lot of people away with my drinking - now, I wish it wasn't so but every one has their breaking point.
You can recover and rebuild your life - maybe not exactly as it was, but maybe even better?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome to the forum theend1980---
Have you stopped drinking? Getting help and focusing on yourself are important.
If he wants to help and support you fine. But do not expect it and don't let it bother you if he doesn't. You have more to worry about than that at the moment - YOU are what counts.
As for how could he leave you at a moment like this? Well, I suspect he was probably hanging on for quite a while before he finally gave up. We tend to not see the big picture as we progress through our alcoholic phase. My wife left me long before she left me if that makes any sense.
Have you stopped drinking? Getting help and focusing on yourself are important.
If he wants to help and support you fine. But do not expect it and don't let it bother you if he doesn't. You have more to worry about than that at the moment - YOU are what counts.
As for how could he leave you at a moment like this? Well, I suspect he was probably hanging on for quite a while before he finally gave up. We tend to not see the big picture as we progress through our alcoholic phase. My wife left me long before she left me if that makes any sense.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
You know the best thing about this place nobody is going to abandon you here. Theend1980 welcome! Sounds like you are really hurting, waiting to get some help until Monday might be a bit too long. If you can do your best to find a meeting today, or some sort of support. If nothing else serial post here no need to feel bad for longer.
Sadly alcohol robs us of our true self's. Leaves us with very little and deprives us of relationships we truly do care about.
The bottom can be scary, once I finally hit the bottom I had lost my daughter to CPS I had been off my medication for schizophrenia for quite some, I was placed in 4 point restraints and tied to a hospital bed. I couldn't help think but why me! What the hell have I done to deserve this hell on earth?
Now just a short time late and sober time behind me things our improving, my relashonships are healing and I am back in my right mind. The beauty of quitting drinking is things usually can't and won't get worse once you stop only better.
Chin up, you will find lots of support here. Possibly make a gratitude list, a list of all the things in your life that you appreciate or are grateful for. Believe me, this can help a lot and goes to show you how much you do have, not what you don't have. Good luck to you in your sober journey.
Sadly alcohol robs us of our true self's. Leaves us with very little and deprives us of relationships we truly do care about.
The bottom can be scary, once I finally hit the bottom I had lost my daughter to CPS I had been off my medication for schizophrenia for quite some, I was placed in 4 point restraints and tied to a hospital bed. I couldn't help think but why me! What the hell have I done to deserve this hell on earth?
Now just a short time late and sober time behind me things our improving, my relashonships are healing and I am back in my right mind. The beauty of quitting drinking is things usually can't and won't get worse once you stop only better.
Chin up, you will find lots of support here. Possibly make a gratitude list, a list of all the things in your life that you appreciate or are grateful for. Believe me, this can help a lot and goes to show you how much you do have, not what you don't have. Good luck to you in your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Welcome to SR, it is a fabulous place for support.
One thing that is vital to recovery is honesty - which sometimes involves seeing things from the point of view of people who are affected by your drinking. I totally understand how upset you are by your boyfriend leaving you but I'm sure if you are 100% honest with yourself you can see why he has.
That is not any criticism at all, most of us have been where you are because of our addiction so are in no place to criticise anyone else. It is simply (hopefully) a stepping stone to help you see how things can be if you do seize this chance for recovery.
Grab this chance to get support, grab this chance to follow the road to recovery, seize this chance to show yourself you CAN do this, seize this chance to show your boyfriend that you are serious about changing.
If any of this does sound like I am criticising I really do apologise, it is not my intention at all. I just desperately want you to get through this x
One thing that is vital to recovery is honesty - which sometimes involves seeing things from the point of view of people who are affected by your drinking. I totally understand how upset you are by your boyfriend leaving you but I'm sure if you are 100% honest with yourself you can see why he has.
That is not any criticism at all, most of us have been where you are because of our addiction so are in no place to criticise anyone else. It is simply (hopefully) a stepping stone to help you see how things can be if you do seize this chance for recovery.
Grab this chance to get support, grab this chance to follow the road to recovery, seize this chance to show yourself you CAN do this, seize this chance to show your boyfriend that you are serious about changing.
If any of this does sound like I am criticising I really do apologise, it is not my intention at all. I just desperately want you to get through this x
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Theend, do you think you would have hit rock bottom if he hadn't left you? Count it as a blessing that you've finally been shown the cost of your alcoholism.
As a sober alcoholic, I know how we can lie to ourselves and put off stopping long after we know that our drinking is wreaking havoc in our lives.
At the moment you're feeling sorry and are determined to stop. Hold on to that feeling, work hard on your recovery for your daughter's and your own sake. Alcoholism is progressive and what might be an occasional binge could become more frequent. But even worse is what you do to other people when you're drunk, physical violence and abuse.
You can make amends by becoming sober and never drinking again. You will turn your life around.
As a sober alcoholic, I know how we can lie to ourselves and put off stopping long after we know that our drinking is wreaking havoc in our lives.
At the moment you're feeling sorry and are determined to stop. Hold on to that feeling, work hard on your recovery for your daughter's and your own sake. Alcoholism is progressive and what might be an occasional binge could become more frequent. But even worse is what you do to other people when you're drunk, physical violence and abuse.
You can make amends by becoming sober and never drinking again. You will turn your life around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I've been where you're at. I was living with a girl when my drinking really got bad. She came home from work at lunch time to find me passed out drunk when I should have been at work. I was woken up by police and had to pack my bags. Showed up on my parents' doorstep at age 34 and had to confess. You will need support. Great people on this site but you will also need people in a face to face setting. AA and counselling is a great start.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
How can the person you love leave you when you need them the most? I'm absolutely heartbroken.
I could not really blame someone for leaving me. I did not want to live with myself, so why should I expect anyone else to. I keep it simple. Drinking makes absolutely no sense for me, so I don't. The more I complicated things: have to do xyz or abc the more often I lapsed. Life is limitless in things to in which to involve myself, so I find valuable ways to spend my time. It is not that I just "don't drink", it is that I do other things.
I could not really blame someone for leaving me. I did not want to live with myself, so why should I expect anyone else to. I keep it simple. Drinking makes absolutely no sense for me, so I don't. The more I complicated things: have to do xyz or abc the more often I lapsed. Life is limitless in things to in which to involve myself, so I find valuable ways to spend my time. It is not that I just "don't drink", it is that I do other things.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum theend1980!! 
For some people there is no other option other than leaving, if your drinking is making you say despicable things and turn violent towards him, why should he stay? this may sound harsh but it is only right that he moves on with his own life and doesn't have to deal with the consequences of your drinking anymore!!
But on the plus side, make this your turning point to sort out your drinking, you know what misery it is causing in your own life, so time to turn things around, you'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you onboard!!
For some people there is no other option other than leaving, if your drinking is making you say despicable things and turn violent towards him, why should he stay? this may sound harsh but it is only right that he moves on with his own life and doesn't have to deal with the consequences of your drinking anymore!!
But on the plus side, make this your turning point to sort out your drinking, you know what misery it is causing in your own life, so time to turn things around, you'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you onboard!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Sorry about your struggle.
What got my attention is your young daughter. Now a great portion of this needs to be about her. Get better, be the mom you need to be for her. Find strength to fight for you, but also for her.
Your partner left, I understand it can be painful.
What got my attention is your young daughter. Now a great portion of this needs to be about her. Get better, be the mom you need to be for her. Find strength to fight for you, but also for her.
Your partner left, I understand it can be painful.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm sorry you are feeling so alone right now. I felt that way too at the end of my drinking days. I hope that you do whatever you need to do for yourself and your daughter. We're here for you.
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