SoberLeigh

Quite often, in alcoholism, we have abandoned ourselves long before someone leaves us. Find yourself again; take care of that self; heal.

SoberTrev

I am in a similar place as you... My wife moved out just today because of my drinking and I am also devastated. Knowing this was happening, however, has helped me to really understand how serious this problem is and that I need to beat it once and for all. I am hopeful I can successfully recover and then save my marriage. You may have the same hopes. We need to focus on recovery first, though, right? Hang in there!

Nowsthetime

Hello: you might not see it this way now but he has done you a favor. Are you starting to see what it has become because of booze? By staying he would be enabling you and letting you walk all over him. For many of us, it took something like this happening to kick start our recovery. Use this oportunity. We are here to support you.

blueyes618

Oh theend, when I was reading your post I could feel those raw emotions. Alcoholism and relationships are like a double edged sword.. You expect your partner to be there to support you through thick and thin, but at the same time they can only endure so much before they break. Just like you I wasn't a constant drinker, but when I did drink a completely different person emerged. Jekyll and Hyde. I was a monster and I was unstoppable- people didn't even know who I was. Drinking was my escape from all of my insecurities, resentments and fears, and boy did they all come out when I drank. So I completely understand where you are coming from. Give your boyfriend time... It's probably hard for him as well. Like Leigh said, focus on yourself right now and make a plan of action. Get sober for you and your little girl. We are all here to support you. PM me if you need to talk. Xoxo.

Carlotta

Exactly that!
to SR, you will find a lot of support here too.

awuh1

You ask "how can the person you love leave you when you need them the most?" He did not leave after you hit this rock bottom, rather, it seems to be his leaving that caused the rock bottom and it was your drinking that lead to his departure. I'm not sure what purpose shifting responsibility serves.

I agree that turtles point is excellent. I would take it to heart.

simplex

Very true. I can very much relate to your situation and like sober says I had given up on myself long before she actually left sadly. The guilt over I could have changed this or that is compounded because the addiction covers up our true self and at least I wonder so often what if I would have stopped, could I have saved things?

But as much as it hurts if we really care about the person we can feel happy they don't have to put up with excuses and lies any more, at least in my case. Maybe you can view it as a learning opportunity and see it as getting healthy for your next relationship when you're ready. Well I say that, but actually it's for you not the next relationship. I'm very sorry for your loss still I know it hurts

theend1980

Thank you to everyone for responding to my post. Your insights and kind words have really opened my eyes and helped me through the last couple of days. Some people's posts were a little more difficult to read then others. Sometimes the truth hurts. Tough love, lol. My boyfriend spent yesterday with me. We went on a long hike in the rain. It was emotional, therapeutic, heartbreaking, and healing. Half the time I couldn't tell if there were tears rolling down my face or if it was the rain. I am thankful for my boyfriend leaving me because that is what made me realize I had hit my rock bottom. I have a plan, and as long as he sees me following that plan and actually sticking to what I say I'm going to do - he is going to stick by me. I am more blessed than I ever realized. Tonight at 730 I'm going to an all women's AA meeting in my area. I have left voice mails for local counselors to see if I can get in this week. I have confided in my mom about how serious my drinking has become and how it has affected every aspect of my life. I plan on being very active in this forum. Thank you for giving me hope that life can and will get better.

Tonks

You weren't abandoned so much as he had to make a choice in order to live a healthy life.

The question is what choices will you make in order to live a healthy life for yourself and your daughter?

Tonks

Oops, was reading the post while you posted!

Good luck with your meeting tonight! Best wishes to you

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Theend, my gf moved out too she told me i had to get sober for myself not for her or anyone else

Mrs SW meant it too said dont call me il call you and told me she'l know when im bk

Pretty scary at first but the best thing that lady ever did she stayed gone for months

We celebrate 15 years together this year not bad for 32

Getting & remaining sober has to be one of the hardest things i have ever done but also the most rewarding

Know it gets a lot easier with work support & time

Acheleus

I use AA and a counselor in my recovery. I was with someone for five years and they cut contact with me because I was verbally and emotionally abusive. My drinking intensified and then I started to try to quit drinking. Now I am in a relationship with an active alcoholic. I broke up with her. I hope you begin to heal.

JadedGirl

I'm sorry it had to get to that point but well done for deciding it's time to make changes. People can leave when we need them most because it's hard for people who haven't experienced this to understand and like you said you turned into the worst version of yourself when drunk. I recognise that in myself too. I definitely wasn't the best version of myself sometimes when drunk. I hate lies but turned into a great lier when drunk and covering up. That's not always nice for someone to be with. At the moment you can only see your own pain but imagine how he felt being with someone who you admit would turn violent?! That had to be hard for him. I know it doesn't seem it at the moment but if this is what it's taken to evoke changes then it's a good thing to have happened. It's not going to be an easy ride but there's lots of people here who have been / are where you are. I'm also a single mum and it is lonely. Keep seeking support though and post when you need to. You really can do this and every time you think you can't just look back and tell yourself you never want to be that person again (btw I'm not judging I promise...I'm the most sensitive person and the thought of being unkind to anyone is so far from who I am but I have also been verbally and physically aggressive to ex partners when drunk). We r all here for you xxxx

Carlotta

Glad to see you take positive action. Welcome to the beginning of your sober journey. It can truly be a roller coaster ride but it is worth it