Natom

Long story short I've been drinking for just over the last year after about 18 months sober. During this time I've only picked up my drug of choice once (cocaine) and it was enjoyable but the next day I had to go home (lived with my parents) and hide the fact that I was noticeably coming down. I got away with it but ended up with a major flu for the next week. This was at some point in May, about a week or two before the bank holiday.

I had about a month of severe guilt and shame afterwards. I did make a point of saying I'd get to a meeting and I never did. Since then I've bought tramadol online sporadically (100 pills @ 50mg, purchased twice, one in September and one in October. I had to wean myself off them between getting them delivered because I'd have to buy them on pay day which was normally near the weekend and meant I wouldn't get them till Tuesday or Wednesday.

Anyway the doctor prescribed me some tramadol for this kidney problem I've recently got which is causing me major back pain. Of course im straight back on 8 a day. I also ordered some codeine phosphate online which I said is for the pain but if you check my search history the word dosage comes up a fair bit over the last week.

Anyway today I get in from work and prepare to do my Friday night ritual of beer, painkillers and Iplayer but I got a message from a friend, the last person I relapsed with inviting me round. My inner addict jumped at the opportunity and soon I was in her flat with a few grams of cocaine. I'm so ashamed of myself. I've pretty much left myself with no money until the end of the month and I feel like ****. I've taken some tramadol to help with the comedown and it is working quite well. I came in a shivering mess, my heart racing a million miles an hour. Anyway I hope ill be ok. I consumed quite a lot of narcotics but the tramadol does seem to be making me tired.

Cheers.

Tom

Lenina

Tom? You ok? What happened ?

Love from Lenina

Natom

Just as above really. Inner addict jumped on the nostalgia of using my doc with an old friend

ScottFromWI

Maybe it's time to get to one of those meetings you planned on getting to? Or maybe rehab? You are playing with your life, very literally.

Natom

I'm going to get to a meeting today.

Jen73

Tom- Go to those meetings!! Keep clean, life Is to short playing with your heart.

" if u are craving eat some ice cream"
" if you are hurting barrow someone's shoulder"
" if you are upset go bowling"

SereneEdition

Tom -

Glad to see that you're back posting again.

Sounds like you want sobriety, and this was a big wake up call. You know what you need to do to get sober. Glad you're heading to a meeting.

Dee74

Hey Tom

you had a great recovery support network. It's time to set aside the shame and use it again

You can do this

Coldfusion

Get some phone numbers at that meeting and actually call people. Tell them you are just checking in and practicing using a phone list. That way, in the future if you need help, it will be easier.

Take care, Tom!

Louise82

Let us know how the meeting today goes Tom. Have a good one.

mecanix

Hey Tom ,
Good to see you posting , sorry to hear about whats happened .

I hope you come around more often , like you used to . I really admire the way you worked the program when you did it . I hope you do it again

m

Natom

There's a meeting tonight at 7.30pm. Luckily I've kinda woken up and feel ok...physically...so I'm going to go to it and hopefully stay for the whole meeting. This has been a long time coming. I haven't been to a meeting for about 18 months. This is one I've not been too so hopefully new people etc. I had a sponsor and while he was a lovely guy he was really laid back. I have a feeling I'd be better with a sponsor who is a bit overbearing regarding contacting them and etc.

Mountainmanbob

I've pretty much left myself with no money until the end of the month and I feel like ****. I've taken some tramadol to help with the comedown and it is working quite well. I came in a shivering mess, my heart racing a million miles an hour. Anyway I hope ill be ok. I consumed quite a lot of narcotics but the tramadol does seem to be making me tired.
Cheers.
Tom





Your story told reminds me of me many years ago

Racing out in the middle of the night so as to score
thinking that I've had enough
but, always wanting more

There is a life waiting in recovery for you
make a decision to stop
then God will guide you through

Mountainmanbob

soberclover

I know you can turn this around Tom....I just know you can! I'm really glad to hear that you are ok...as you know, not everyone makes it back from a relapse. Please take care of yourself...you are worth it!

PurpleKnight

Time to turn a corner Tom, this lifestyle isn't working.

Get some support on the go, great to hear you're going to a meeting, and make it happen!!

You can do this!!

Dee74

Keep checking in Tom?

D

SoberLeigh

Let us know how the meeting went, natom.

Anna

Tom, I hope you are feeling better now, and that you can turn this around.

Louise82

How are you feeling today Tom? How did the meeting go last night?