Sex and sobriety, a bit taboo but...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Interesting subject. I was scared that sobriety would interfere with my drive.
Dated a girl a few months back, and everything worked out fine in the intimacy area. Like driving a bicycle, I could do it drunk, and I drive better sober. Yikes!
Now days I clean my laundry alone, at that appears to be working fine as well. Double yikes!
Dated a girl a few months back, and everything worked out fine in the intimacy area. Like driving a bicycle, I could do it drunk, and I drive better sober. Yikes!
Now days I clean my laundry alone, at that appears to be working fine as well. Double yikes!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by Hawks 
I read up on this a while back. So far as guys go, drinking drives up estrogen levels and our bodies respond with extra testosterone production to combat that. Testosterone boosts sex drive. With women, the extra estrogen drives the same thing. When you get off the booze, hormones will lapse at first, as they have been artificially stimulated for years , and will hopefully rebalance over a year or two.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by Hawks
I read up on this a while back.
So far as guys go, drinking drives up estrogen levels and our bodies respond with extra testosterone production to combat that.
Testosterone boosts sex drive.
With women, the extra estrogen drives the same thing.
When you get off the booze, hormones will lapse at first, as they have been artificially stimulated for years , and will hopefully rebalance over a year or two.
So far as guys go, drinking drives up estrogen levels and our bodies respond with extra testosterone production to combat that.
Testosterone boosts sex drive.
With women, the extra estrogen drives the same thing.
When you get off the booze, hormones will lapse at first, as they have been artificially stimulated for years , and will hopefully rebalance over a year or two.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Like everything in Sobriety, the body needs to adjust physically/emotionally/mentally.
The life we used to have has been radically revolutionised with the removal of alcohol, and so learning how to even live again, the way things were before alcohol was a problem in our lives, grasping and learning how to do that again is the challenge.
For me in early Sobriety sex was the last thing I wanted to have to have to think about, "not having a drink, are you mad" type of thoughts, but again like everything else time and more Sobriety became a great healer, with a bit of work and focus in that area it can work again.
The life we used to have has been radically revolutionised with the removal of alcohol, and so learning how to even live again, the way things were before alcohol was a problem in our lives, grasping and learning how to do that again is the challenge.
For me in early Sobriety sex was the last thing I wanted to have to have to think about, "not having a drink, are you mad" type of thoughts, but again like everything else time and more Sobriety became a great healer, with a bit of work and focus in that area it can work again.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Call me crazy, but sex seems very bizarre since sobriety. Everything seems kind of bizarre. I feel awkward. I numbed all this with alcohol and other drugs so sex was fun if not particularly intimate. Now, I have trouble shedding the feeling that I've somehow inhabited someone else's body. I feel alien. I'm much more self conscious. Not so confident. Don't feel very desirable. I think my wife and I will get past this, but she has felt similarly since she got sober (long before me). I think we need to spend more intimate time without sex before the anxiety will dissolve.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Yes sex is very personal and scary when I was finally fully present and aware of each and every moment while being intimate. It is still different than it was when I was drinking. And I and grateful for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Someone mentioned intimacy and living in the present. Its been so long, I forgot about all the emotions involved and the feeling that a true connection has to be made. I get real self conscience and its like I've lost my my natural instinct. Its all just a mechanical process at the moment. However, sound like over time things will gradually improve. I just wish it was sooner than later, its the one high I can get that won't hurt me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Maybe try being together... naked... without having sex. No expectations so perhaps it will feel less forced (mechanical). Sometimes I just ponder how wonderful it is to have someone that cares enough about me to share herself with me: her time, her attention, her body. It is quite something if you take a moment and really think about it. And this is after all the crap I put her through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Interesting post and nice to see this isn't just me. I'm single but when drunk some of the stuff I got up to...my friends used to go between laughing at the craziness and being extremely worried. I've met people after a 2 minute online conversation, ended up in butlins toilets with a complete weirdo and got pretty obsessed with online, phone, text sex. For me being drunk and sex came hand in hand (excuse the pun lol).
Now I kinda miss the craziness in a way but I just can't do that stuff sober. I'm making all sorts of excuses to my regular 'friends' online as I can't admit 'sorry love I was pissed' but at the same time even when I do think about it It actually makes me want to drink more because they're both (sex and drink) so entangled in my head.
An ex contacted me recently (knew all he wanted was no strings) and my friend said maybe I should have gone for it just to prove to myself I could) but I just don't have the same confidence and I don't really want to be that person now. She also said that sober sex will feel better but I don't really believe that at the moment. I loved the feeling of feeling so desireable and confident that came with being drunk. Maybe it's a self esteem thing but I can't imagine things ever being the same sober!! Hopefully I'm wrong!! Xx
Edit: oh and omg the thought of ever going on a date or having a 'first time' sober scares the hell outta me x
Now I kinda miss the craziness in a way but I just can't do that stuff sober. I'm making all sorts of excuses to my regular 'friends' online as I can't admit 'sorry love I was pissed' but at the same time even when I do think about it It actually makes me want to drink more because they're both (sex and drink) so entangled in my head.
An ex contacted me recently (knew all he wanted was no strings) and my friend said maybe I should have gone for it just to prove to myself I could) but I just don't have the same confidence and I don't really want to be that person now. She also said that sober sex will feel better but I don't really believe that at the moment. I loved the feeling of feeling so desireable and confident that came with being drunk. Maybe it's a self esteem thing but I can't imagine things ever being the same sober!! Hopefully I'm wrong!! Xx
Edit: oh and omg the thought of ever going on a date or having a 'first time' sober scares the hell outta me x
Its hard enough getting comfortable in sober skin, let alone in NAKED sober skin in front of someone, haha.
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