Thatdeliveryguy

So like many of you know I lost my daughter to CPS. As is also no I am egomaniac and a bit melodramatic. Ok a lot melodramatic, someone on here told me once I write great purple prose.

Anyways, that leads to my eye opening experience I had a few weeks back. I was in so much Jeremy form wining about how much my life sucked. How I was getting the shaft and that the system did me wrong.

Some old man was quietly smoking his cigarette and listening to me outside this AA meeting. Once he got the chance he got a bit into my personal space, enough so that I was uncomfortable. He said in a very deep authoritarian voice," All I hear about 'me' and ' I" what about your daughter you ass".

I thought to myself oh my! Thats not a novel thought, and he certainly isn't the first person to say that to me. However, in that one instant I knew I was a selfish ass. It bothered me so much that it rolled around in my head for 3 days, all I could see was the mans face and his kept hearing his words.

Suddenly the thoughts came! What damage was I doing to my daughter? Was all my proselytizing, whooping about how bad I was getting screwed helping her one damn bit? Nope I was an ass that was certainly doing irreparably doing damage to my daughter. So I could hold onto my self centered view of the world and fit everything into the box I wanted it to.

In recovery, I must say I've learned a lot about myself. Not only is it providing me an opportunity to stop drinking, but its giving me a genuine opportunity to fix so much more. Drinking is a symptom not the cause. And to boot I gotta meet all you kind folks! I now know I am garden variety drunk, my excuses aren't unique and so far as drinking goes I am not the special case. Ergo the ego! Not instant change, but then again I think my time for being is ass is over.

Kind of in the mood to look at things in a different perspective this morning

Frixion

You cannot do anything to change your past. Think logically, and find the feasible solutions in your life. Understand that you can improve your situation no matter how bad it may seem. Staying sober needs all of your attention, and as time goes tackle other issues in your life. No one should ever accept having a "poor me" attitude. The truth is there are a million things that can keep people down, but it's their responsibility to rise up from all the BS and become the best that they can be. You are doing great going to your AA meetings, you are rising up. Congratulations on your journey, and allow yourself to congratulate your self on the progress.

Jen73

Sometimes its good to listen to other perspective. I am glad that you have learned a lot about you. Awesome to stop drinking and follow your journey to fix it.

I really enjoy this post, I am really sorry for the lost of your daughter. Your daughter might not be here physically, but she is here to see how you become better for yourself.

"Angels watching over you, Is the best feeling you can ever have"

headcase1

Sorry to hear about your daughter.Can I ask what is cps?You are are right about the past,I've learned not to focus on the past especially if it's negative. I have my whole future ahead of me,That's something I can control, not the past.

SoberLeigh

CPS is Child Protective Services.

SoberLeigh

It is really great to see you doing so well, Jeremey.

Soberwolf

Jeremy i could tell from you interacting on other posts yesterday that there was a change in you,

I just want to say well done keep up the good work

Seriously good to have you bk brother

aasharon90

There has many lessons in recovery I
needed to learn, but, there were times
where my stubbornness has allowed me
to continue putting my hand on the hot
burner more than one time or another,
knowing darn good and well it's hot and
I will burn my hand.

So once I finally allowed those lessons
in life and recovery penetrate my thick
brain, then I stopped burning my hand.

Today, I continue to remain teachable.

Thatdeliveryguy

CPS = child protective services, actually they aren't even called that here where Ilive, I just use CPSt because most people know what it means. Here they are referred to as the Department Of Welfare and Social Services (DWSS).

ccam1973

Jeremy, good job. You are taking the right steps in moving forward with your life. Depending on the decisions you make daily, everything else will fall into place.

I could also sense a change in your attitude versus posts in the past. Well done.

Keep going strong!

Thatdeliveryguy

I read on a bumper sticker or online or someplace my memory fails me, " Instead of thinking about being it, just be it". So for what its worth that is what I am trying to do, action and doing what I say I am going to do when I say I am going to do it. So with that, just throwing myself in head first and trying to make things happen.

Marcher13

Exactly what soberwolf said. Slowly Jeremy, one day at a time.

PurpleKnight

Great post Jeremy!! Keep pushing through!!

least

It often helps to have a new perspective on things. Sounds like that AA guy gave you lots to think about.

Hevyn

Very glad to see you sounding positive Jeremy.

Thepatman

Man you impressed my so much this week. The change in you is amazing. You are making huge steps in the right direction Jeremy. I'm sure it's not easy, but you are doing the heavy lifting.

All I can say is keep doing what you have. Someday you will have your daughter back. I have no doubt about it. And a hell of a fantastic she will have to support her.

Blessings my man, blessings.

Esspee

Your post made me smile as so much of it resonated with me. Even at Day 12 the blinkers have come off and I can see all the times I've made it 'about me' when the 'me' in question was unpleasantly drunk. (The frightening thing is all the times I've made it 'about me' and was too drunk to remember!)

Well done on getting where you are

JanieJ

I'm so sorry about your daughter, Jeremy, but you are doing the right thing now.

Hawks

Old timers...... Always good for seeing through all the puff and bluster and BS.

You should ask him to sponsor you.